Married To My Work
by i'm a quitter
Summary: His life is the subject of her work. Her life revolves around her work. HIS life revolves around her. It's a vicious circle. Let the madness commence! Pepperony.
1. God's Ice Cube

**God's Ice Cube**

* * *

Pepper had stopped ticking away on her phone minutes ago in favor of watching Tony. The second the press conference had ended, she'd informed him that next on his schedule was yet another board meeting to discuss updates that needed to be made in the labs in Japan. He'd practically thrown himself into the limo and had begun rooting around for the ingredients for a scotch: ice, the scotch itself, and a _large_ glass.

He'd managed to locate all three, but was having trouble with the ice tray. Only two cubes were left, and one was already starting to melt in the scotch as Tony struggled to shake the other out.

"_One_ damn cube," he muttered to himself. "Why… won't… you… come… out?!?"

Pepper raised an eyebrow at Tony and shook her head. _Such dedication,_ she thought. _All for a square of frozen water._ "Just leave it, Tony. I don't want that thing flying out and hitting me in the eye."

"I _will_ get it out," he insisted as he continued to twist the small tray this way and that.

"You'll never get it out," she said flatly. "Give it up. That's God's ice cube."

Tony froze and slowly looked up at Pepper, a smile creeping across his face. "Pardon? _God's_ ice cube?"

Pepper bit her lip, blushing lightly as she raised her phone and pretended to text. But before she could even attempt it, Tony had leaned forward and gently plucked it away. Sitting back, he gave her that maddeningly charming smile as he said, "I'm sure there's an interesting story behind that statement. Out with it, Potts."

Pepper knew that there was no way this side of the devil's gate that she'd be able to talk her way out of telling him this wholly unimportant and insignificant story from her uninteresting childhood. What was that phrase her father used to use with her uncle? _You can't bullshit a bullshitter._ A quick glance at her waiting boss told her that that sounded about right.

She sighed heavily. "Fine. Whenever I went to visit my grandparents, my grandmother always loved to make me lemonade. The few times that she had trouble getting one or two ice cubes out, she'd fuss over it for a good five minutes with no results. After a while my grandfather always told her that she ought to give it up because that was God's ice cube and she needed to leave it for His whiskey."

He waited a beat before bursting into a fit of laughter. As he placed the tray back in the limo's chiller, he shook his head with a large smile. "Very well, Big Man," Tony said, his eyes heavenward. He lifted his glass of scotch. "Cheers." He took a large swallow and tossed Pepper back her phone. Again, he gave her that _damn_ smile, though there was something unmistakably sincere in his eyes as he looked at her. "I like learning things about you, Pepper."

Nodding, Pepper raised her phone to shield her face again. She didn't like hiding, but it was only until her face didn't feel so hot anymore. But, knowing Tony, the blessed silence wouldn't last for very long.

"Was it good lemonade," he asked quietly.

"Delicious," she replied in an equally low tone.

* * *

Just a little something that came to mind when I came across a hilarious web comic. 'Toothpaste For Dinner.' Check it out. I'll probably do more.


	2. The Knob

**The Knob

* * *

**

The board meeting was boring. Just like the press conference had been. Tony twirled a laser pen with disinterest as he halfheartedly listened to the presentation. These men weren't stupid. They could fix these technical and energy problems themselves. They _were_ fixing these problems themselves, but they wanted the approval, and perhaps the improvements, of one Anthony Edward Stark.

A quick glance here and there as the slides changed was enough to let Tony know which designs were fine and which needed to be fixed. And his Japanese was more that adequate. He could get by with only half listening to what Mr. Tanaka was saying.

He watched one of the men – Mr. Yakomoto, Pepper had called him – adjust the projector knob for what felt like the umpteenth time. Tony frowned, wondering – not for the first time – exactly _why_ he was doing that. Nothing seemed to be wrong with the projector. His tuning didn't seem to be helping or hurting anything at all. Was it a nervous tick? Did he see something that Tony didn't?

Without looking, Tony reached over and poked Pepper's thigh. He was careful to do it in a non-sexual way, as physical advances were usually where she drew the line. He poked her the way he might poke Rhodey, albeit with a gentle touch. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw her remain still as a statue, as though nothing had happened. Tony poked her again and she gave him a quarter profile as well as a sharp look. "Really?"

Before he could answer she faced forward again, probably absorbing more of what was happening than Tony could even if he _were_ electing to pay attention. Pepper's Japanese was better than his own by a long shot, and the charts were broken down into steps easy enough for a cable guy to follow without pause. Perhaps if she needed a change of scenery without being attached to his hip, he could send Pepper to Japan in a few months to check out how progress was going.

He looked around and noticed that it wasn't uncommon to see two or three members of the board murmuring to each other on occasion. Not that seeing everyone else perfectly attentive would've stopped him, but at least this way he could use the 'everyone-else-is-doing-it' excuse.

He leaned over and muttered low. "Have you seen know many times Yakomoto has adjusted that dial?"

"_Please_ pay attention, Mr. Stark," Pepper said in an equally low tone, without looking this time.

"I can't think of a reason why," he continued, twisting his mouth thoughtfully. "It's not making anything worse, but I can't see that it's making anything better.

"Maybe he's trying to sharpen the image in an attempt to get you to _pay attention_," she hissed.

Tony bit the inside corner of his cheek. "No, that can't be it," he dismissed, unfazed by her tone. Mr. Yakomoto adjusted it _again_ and Tony huffed in mild annoyance. Perhaps now he could better understand his mother's scolding…

That gave him an idea! Pepper had been kind enough to share an irrelevant but cute story about her childhood. Why couldn't he? Mr. Tanaka wasn't saying anything that wasn't outlined in the portfolio that everyone had been given. He leaned closer to Pepper again. "You know, my father built my mother a radio with a tuning dial that big."

Tony heard a low growl in the back of Pepper's throat, but she said nothing. Good. She realized that he would not be silenced. At least, not without making a scene. With a smirk of victory, Tony took that as permission to continue. "It was an anniversary present, I think, and she loved it. I loved it too. I especially liked to pull off the dial, and I'd always get in trouble for it because she'd have to get my dad to put it back on correctly."

"Mondai ga aru ka," Mr. Tanaka asked, raising an eyebrow at both Tony and Pepper. (Is there a problem?)

"Zenzen," Pepper replied without missing a beat. "Go riyō wo keizoku." (Not at all. Please continue.) Mr. Tanaka nodded and continued, and Pepper cut her eyes at Tony in warning.

But he hadn't finished his story yet. He waited all of five seconds before poking her again. She flicked the back of his hand away in response and he tried not to laugh as he continued his story in a hushed tone. "I don't even know _why_ I liked to it pull off. I was six and I think I liked to pretend that it was a flying saucer. Building engines was fun and all, but sometimes I wished I could let my mind rot like all the other kids.

"So I go into the living room because my mother was in the kitchen and my father was down in the lab. No one was there to see me do it, and I _knew _that I could put it back on myself. At the exact moment that I pulled it off, the lab downstairs blew up." Pepper blinked, and Tony could tell that he'd perked her curiosity. "It was loud, it shook the entire neighborhood, smoke was everywhere, and my father didn't come up for five hours. And I thought it was my fault, because I pulled off the knob."

Pepper slowly pressed her lips together and forcefully breathed in and out. Tony could tell - she thought it was cute and she wanted to laugh. And Tony wanted her to, despite that traumatic experience. He had to admit that he _liked_ sharing with her. Something about sharing a childhood story was more intimate than his underwear size – which was something she'd learned her first month as his personal assistant.

A small but audible snicker escaped her lips and she quickly slapped on her professional face. _Plus a gorgeous little blush,_ he thought with a smirk as he leaned heavily on an elbow and gazed at her, ignoring everyone else in the room.

"Mondai wa," Mr. Tanaka asked again. (Problem?)

Pepper shook her head curtly, but gave Tony a black glare when Mr. Tanaka returned to his presentation.

Tony flashed her the most brilliant smile he could muster. "Mondai wa?" he asked, batting his eyes.

"Tsuneni," Pepper muttered. (Always.)

* * *

This story comes from NatalieDee's webcomic. Also awesome.


	3. Tater Salad

**Tater Salad

* * *

**

Tony rubbed his eye in mild annoyance. Pepper knew that look. He was wondering something along the lines of: Why does Pepper schedule me for these ridiculous 'pep-talk' press conferences?

Or maybe: I ought to just make an official Iron Man website with a special Q&A section and get Jarvis to answer all the questions.

But Pepper knew that he wouldn't do that. It was more trouble than it was worth, and he knew damn well why she arranged these press conferences. It was good for the general public to see his face so that they didn't fear him. Yes, he was a superhero, but underneath all of that armor was a human being. He felt and he lived, just like the rest of humanity. Mostly the military needed to see that, as they were the ones most likely to petition to have his suit removed from his custody.

And besides, he'd revealed his identity, and should be made to suffer the consequences.

Propping his chin up on his hand and leaning heavily against the podium, it was more than clear that he was bored. She wanted to hiss at him to stand up straight and at least _fake_ interest, but she suspected he'd only say that he _was_ faking interest.

He gestured vaguely in the direction of a female reporter that was taller than most of the men that sat around her with a bored expression. She stood with a smile, cleared her throat and held her pen and pad at the ready. "Mr. Stark," she called, loud enough for him to hear her, "do you have any other secret identities that you wish to let the public know about?"

From where she was standing, Pepper could see a few of the more seasoned reporters roll their eyes. She felt like doing the same, but her heart froze when her gaze returned to Tony. He had that look, that _damn_ look! Did he _like_ making her life difficult?!

"Yes," he answered. "Yes I do."

_Everyone_ perked up at that, and eyed Tony curiously when he said nothing more about it. Making sure that he caught sight of her scowl of disapproval, Pepper made her way over to Rhodey, who was supposed to be giving a short statement after Tony. Rhodey didn't look surprised, but rather mildly annoyed. He knew that no one would give a damn about his own statement, as they'd all be buzzing about Tony's 'second alias'.

And they both knew that Tony wasn't going to 'ruin the fun' and tell the reporters what that alias was.

Tony answered everyone else's questions, expertly ignoring the questions about his other alias, and hopped off the podium the second his time was up. With the reporters still shouting questions about his hidden identity in the background, he joined Rhodey and Pepper off to the side with a bright smile.

"Your turn, Rhodster," he said, giving his friend a friendly slap on the shoulder. "By the way, if they ask you what my secret identity is, I think you probably remember that story a little better than I do."

"Do I ever…" Rhodey's face twisted into a disapproving frown as Tony patted his shoulder and pushed him towards the waiting reporters. Pepper frowned questioningly at Rhodey, who shook his head as he marched up to the podium. Of course, after his brief but certainly important statement, the first question he received was, "Do you know anything about Tony Stark's other secret identity?"

Tony abruptly turned to Pepper. "I think we should go," he said, gently grabbing her elbow and trying to pull her towards the waiting limo. But Pepper shrugged him off, never taking her eyes off of Rhodey. Nonsense or not, she wasn't missing this.

When Rhodey finished the explanation, there seemed to be a collective groan of disappointment from the reporters. When Rhodey was finally done answering questions, he and Pepper finally followed Tony into the limo, and they were silent for a few minutes.

At least, until the silence and her annoyance began to eat at Pepper. "Why do you do that?" she asked finally.

"It was my twenty-first birthday," Tony answered.

She should've expected an answer like _that_! "What I mean is, why do you bring up something that happened on your twenty-first birthday at a press conference about Iron Man," she snapped. Truthfully, she was only slightly irritated, but he didn't need to know that. Though she was sure that he knew her well enough to know her moods by now.

He wiggled his eyebrows at her. He knew. "You know it was a funny story, Potts."

"It was ridiculous," she answered. _It was a_ little _funny_… "Why would you say such a thing to a police officer?"

"He wasn't just a little bit drunk, Pepper," Rhodey insisted. "When I said that he got thrown out of the bar, I don't mean that someone asked him to leave, and they walked to the door together, and Tony said 'bye, everybody, I gotta go'." Rhodey paused to throw Tony a dark look. "Somehow he got _me_ tangled into his mess and before I knew what hit me, eight bouncers hurled us out of that nightclub like we were Frisbees. _That_ kind of drunk."

Tony nodded with a fond smile. "And the only reason they called the police is because we broke a chair on the way out."

"So instead of just cooperating or offering to replace the chair, or _leaving_ maybe, you had to mouth off…"

Reaching across the gap that separated them, Tony took one of her hands in both of his. "Pepper, you _know_ me. Just because I have the _right_ to remain silent, doesn't mean I have the _ability_." For a moment she was willing to let him simply hold her hand. They were so warm against her skin, though a tad rough. But a good rough…

She felt her cheeks begin to heat at that thought and shifted uncomfortably. With apparent reluctance, he released her and sat back. "Besides, the charge was public intoxication. I was drunk in a _bar_ and they _threw me _into public!"

"You didn't have to make it worse," she muttered, rubbing at the hand he'd released. The skin still burned from his touch.

"Rhodey wasn't nearly as drunk as I was. He could've done much worse than I did, but he punked out."

"Being cooperative is hardly 'punking out'," he said defensively. "You were the reason I had to go to jail in the first place!"

"That's what best friends are for."

"And the reason I didn't have to spend the whole night in jail is because I didn't play any stupid pranks."

Tony's eyes nearly bugged out. "_Stupid_ pranks?!"

Pepper crossed her legs and her arms as she glared at Tony from across the limo. Her mouth twisted into a scowl, though the star gazed look in Tony's eyes suggested that he probably saw it as a stern pout. He probably wasn't even paying attention to what she was saying. "Yes, Tony. Stupid pranks. You didn't have to tell the police that you were born April 1st, year zero."

"I told them my age, and my birthday was on my driver's license. They can do the math."

"Or that your gender was 'Top rate'."

"The question was 'sex'. I said my _sex_ was top rate. You can ask anyone."

"Or that, in some circles, they call you 'Tater Salad'."

Tony shook his head sadly, giving up. Again, she could accurately estimate what it was that he was thinking. He was thinking that he was brilliant and clever, but that sometimes his brilliance just needed a while to sink in. What he probably wasn't taking into account was that his _drunken_ brilliance could be a bit harder to follow…

But it was clear that Tony didn't regret the experience. He'd had fun that night. And she was willing to bet that Rhodey had too, despite his unwillingness to admit to that in front of her.

"Well," she admitted with a sigh, "it'll certainly be a fun story to tell your kids the first time they get a hangover."

Tony smiled _very_ slowly at Pepper, to which she narrowed her eyes. He really _didn't_ have the ability to keep his mouth shut, did he? She held up her brick-heavy hand-held computer, showing him that she wasn't at all above chucking it at him. But, as usual, Tony Stark could not be silenced.

"Pepper, when you and I finally have a son, we're calling him Tater Tot."

* * *

This one comes from the comedic genius of Ron White.


	4. Road Construction

**Road Construction

* * *

**

Pepper was pissed.

Tony was a genius, but he didn't need to be to see that. Even Happy seemed to know it.

For some reason or another, traffic was absolutely terrible. It was a beautiful day in the state of Ohio, but the road that Happy had chosen seemed to be the absolute worst. It was _so_ terrible that Pepper had had to reschedule roughly five meetings three times each in the past two and a half hours. Happy had been listening to the radio and found no cause as to why all the cars were creeping at a snail's pace, and Pepper was currently scanning the internet on her hand-held computer, fussing all the while.

When Pepper got downright angry, she was calm, quiet, and lethal. But when she got pissed off – more than irritated, but less than angry – she ranted. The absolutely random things that she said never failed to make Tony laugh so hard that his sides hurt. Her cheeks got flushed enough to hide her freckles, her slim brows knotted together, and her mouth twisted itself into a scowl that somehow managed to maintain her signature professionalism.

But as much as Tony wanted to laugh, he knew that he shouldn't. Outright laughter would result in her irritation being directed at him, which would result in laughing harder, which would result in the silent treatment for three to five business days. It was never fun when Pepper was mad at him, but Tony was starting to wonder if he might want to risk it. Holding in his laughter was starting to hurt.

"You did this on purpose," she was saying, pinning Tony with an accusing glare. "I didn't _have_ to come, but you _had_ to make me!"

"I _convinced_ you," he said as calmly as he could manage. "That's hardly the same thing, Potts."

She cut her eyes at him and Tony pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. "You think this is funny, don't you?" she challenged. "Road construction is _not_ funny! How often do you see road crews actually working, anyway? A few hours at the crack of dawn? _Maybe?! _And I'll bet they think they work themselves to death! Dangerous heat conditions of sixty-eight and above, dangerous chill conditions of sixty-eight and below. They work in blizzards as fierce as anything in excess of two snowflakes or raindrops within any twenty four hour period, but I'm sure they draw the line at working through something as dangerous as a tornado being sighted _anywhere in the U.S._ And, of course, I can understand that they have to have off on all the major holidays: Halloween, Grandparent's Day, Bacteria Week, The Annual Rutabaga Festival…"

Tony took a deep breath and blinked hard. Where the hell did she come up with this stuff?! Why was it even funny? Perhaps it was because the Pepper he knew was always so composed, always so in control. But she'd had a _bad_ week. That's why Tony had convinced her to come in the first place. What could be more fun than spending a few days with him in a place as harmless as Ohio?

_Anything,_ apparently. He was starting to wonder if maybe he should've just let her have a few days off back home.

"There are currently eleven construction projects in the state of Ohio," she continued as she glared at the screen of the computer. "Four roads are closed with no reason given. I'm sure that's because there _is_ no reason. Two are closed permanently – again, for no reason. Four-oh-five was closed two days ago, which means that it was closed specifically to mess with our commute… One-seventy will probably be closed until my best friend dies and I have no reason to use that road to visit him anymore..."

"They don't call you Pepper just for the freckles, do they?" Tony muttered. "You've got a lot of spice."

She ignored him as she closed the computer with a distinct snap and scowled out the window. "This one is closed until 2012, that one is closed until 2016, and – I'm not even kidding – I-75 is closed because they're making a new six-lane highway between Cincinnati and Touchdown Jesus."

At that exact moment, Tony had tried taking a swig of water in hopes that it might calm him down. But her last comment and the malice in her voice had done him in. Spitting and spilling water everywhere, Tony held his stomach as he howled in laughter.

* * *

My father really feels this way about road crews. Most of what Pepper said was what I listened to for a good forty-five minutes as we crawled down 494 at a snail's pace today. -.-;

Some inspiration also came from 'Toothpaste for Dinner.'


	5. Five Levels Of Drinking

**Five Levels of Drinking

* * *

**

Tony smiled wide as he observed Pepper. The glass in her hand was only her first tequila, but it also happened to be her third drink. He'd made sure that she'd eaten plenty before he let her anywhere near the cart of drinks he'd had delivered to their hotel suite, but that didn't mean that she couldn't still get tanked.

And she certainly seemed to be.

They had decided to spend the night in Ohio, as the snow storm that was coming didn't promise a smooth flight back to Malibu. They'd found a comfortable hotel and the minute that they'd decided to call it a day, Pepper had reached for the phone and called for the largest bottle of wine on their list. Tony had taken the liberty of ordering a few other drinks, as it seemed that he and Pepper were in for a long night. So far, it seemed that he'd been right.

He couldn't remember exactly what she was giggling at, but she'd been doing it for about five minutes. And he'd been laughing with her. He eyed his own glass with a bit of a dazed smile. Pepper may already be half in the bag, but he was catching up. "You know, Potts, I'd say you're about a three."

She stopped giggling and looked at him strangely from across the small couch that they were seated on. "Yeah? What's the rating system?"

He smirked. Even in her drunken state, she knew that he couldn't _possibly _think of her as a three in terms of looks or personality. "How drunk you are," he said, leaning back on the couch. "Level one was when you said you had enough wine and I poured you another glass anyway. And you drank it. And level two was the half hour you spent arguing against artificial turf."

She covered her mouth and giggled madly. It was beyond him why she'd been so adamant about it, but it had been amazingly cute. "Again, you said you'd had enough wine," he continued, "and again, I poured you 'nother glass. You looked like you were thinking bout pushing it away, but I think a little devil appeared on your shoulder." He leaned over and made a '_pop_' sound as he unclenched his fist over her shoulder, like a small explosion. "And he whispered in your ear" – he leaned in to do just that – "and he said to you, 'You can't stop drinkin _now_. You're havin too much fun with your _best friend_'."

"Yeah," she said with an emphatic nod. "That's important to _me_! You _are_ my best friend, Tony. And what'm I working for anyway?!"

"Exactly!" Tony drew back and did a little giggling of his own before he was able to continue. "And besides, long as you get five hours sleep tonight, you're cool! But that was level two. You're at level three, workin your way up to four."

"So tell me, then. What's level three?"

"Well…" He gestured to her glass. "As you can see, we've abandoned wine for tequila, you just spent the last half hour arguing _for_ artificial turf, and I'm _sure_ that, right about now, you must be thinkin, 'My boss is the most handsome man I've _ever_ seen'."

He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she shoved him playfully. But she didn't deny it. _Win_, he cheered in his mind. "And, at level three, that devil's a little bit bigger… and I think _he_ might be the one fixin our drinks in the other room." Tony leaned heavily on Pepper as they both laughed. What on earth had made him say _that?_

"We'll be okay," Pepper gasped when her laughter managed to subside. "Long as we get…" She frowned down at her watch and blinked hard until she could see the time. "I guess if we get bout three hours sleep…"

"And a complete change of blood," he muttered into her shoulder before howling with laughter. "Naw, you're right. We're cool."

Pepper eyed her glass thoughtfully before turning her eyes to the table. "Maybe I should be done now."

"Oh, no you don't," Tony declared, unearthing his head from her shoulder. "There's at _least_ a shot 'n a half left in that glass, Potts. Just 'cause we live high 'n mighty, doesn't mean we need to waste. Finish that shit!"

With a smirk and a quick eye roll, she tipped her glass upward and drained the contents. When the last drop was gone, she eyed her empty glass and smacked her lips together thoughtfully. "We _gotta_ be to level four by now. How many levels are there?"

"Five. Six, if you live in a trailer park."

She snickered as she set her now empty glass on the table. She'd discarded her shoes long ago and kicked her bare feet up onto the couch. She'd also worn a skirt, leaving her _perfect_ legs exposed for the day. Perhaps the only skin exposed was from the knees down, but Tony had always had a wicked imagination. He let her legs rest across his lap and rubbed at her calves absently, enjoying the velvet smooth of her skin. And the fact that Pepper seemed to neither notice nor care was certainly a bonus. She eyed him suspiciously for only half a second before seemingly forgetting that he was touching her at all. "So, where are we?"

Tony leaned forward again until their noses were nearly touching, narrowing his eyes and dropping his voice in a sinister tone. "Level four." She smiled wide and Tony backed up to admire her better. "The last call I ordered was a bottle o' rum 'n a coke."

Tony paused for a second, thinking about that. He really _had_ called down with that order, hadn't he? _That_ hadn't made much sense, had it? And just where in the hell was it? Was the devil getting it for him…?

He shook his head again. Yes, he was definitely catching up to Pepper. "You _are_ artificial turf," he continued, gesturing to her languid position across the couch. "And only a few moments ago I got to thinkin, 'Y'know, our friend Rhodey's the best lookin man I've ever seen'!"

Pepper let out a delighted squeal of laughter as she clutched her stomach, tears rolling down her cheeks. Tony laughed with her, unable to look away from how beautiful she was when she laughed so freely. Her face was flushed, her chest heaving, and her smile wide and elated. He knew that it was partly due to the alcohol, but he took pride in the fact that it was partly due to him as well. He liked having that effect on her.

"I dunno bout you Potts, but 'm thinkin that, since we'll only get a few hours sleep anyway…"

She frowned in obvious confusion at him. For a good minute they sat in silence, staring at each other. But then her eyes widened and she threw her arms around Tony. "We may 'swell stay up all night!" she cheered.

Tony hugged her back. "Why not? I don't mind goin to tomorrow's board meeting lookin like Keith Richards!"

She shook her head with a wide smile. "Y'know I wouldn't have that. Imma _good_ PA. And 'sides, long as we get thirty-one hours sleep tomorrow, we're cool."

"We're cool."

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, and both of them began drifting off. Before Tony knew it, they were both laying on the couch, with Pepper pinned under him. She didn't even seem to notice. Tony drew himself up and touched his forehead to hers. She didn't complain, only hummed thoughtfully. "Can I tell you a secret, Pepper?" he asked quietly, before he lost his nerve.

She was already half asleep, but she frowned and grumbled a semi-coherent, "Uh-huh."

He gently stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. She turned into his touch, attempting to snuggle closer. Before it disappeared into the cushions of the couch, Tony kissed the tip of her nose. She mumbled again and he idly brushed a few stray strands of hair away from her ear. "I think I like you," he whispered.

* * *

The idea for this chapter came from a comedy sketch by Larry Miller.


	6. Level Five

**Level Five

* * *

**

Pepper was laying on the couch of the jet, covered in numerous blankets. All of the windows had the shades down and Tony had given her earplugs, but he suspected that it was still too bright and loud for her. While the engines of his private jet were nearly silent compared to the engines of commercial jets, he knew from experience that, after drinking like she had, she probably felt like the engines were _inside_ her ears. She needed something to distract her from the fierce hangover.

Maybe if he talked to her a little? They still had half an hour before they touched down in California.

He went over to the couch and sat on the floor, resting his head close to hers. She cracked one eye open and he batted his eyes at her in response. He didn't bother whispering, as Pepper wouldn't hear the volume through her earplugs. And she was actually very good at reading lips. "How're you feeling, Potts?"

"Ugh."

He smiled sympathetically. "I bet."

"If that was only level four, I shudder to think of the possibilities of level five."

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "You remember that conversation?"

"Something as ridiculous as a conversation like that tends to stick. Or so it would seem."

"Should I be insulted that you think my system is ridiculous?"

"No. While certainly ridiculous, it's also undeniably accurate. But I'll admit that I'd like to know: what, on God's green earth, is level five of drinking?"

Tony snickered lightly. "Okay. I discovered level five on the first night – and also the last – that Rhodey invited me to meet one of his girlfriends. I forget what I said to her, but she threw her drink at me and left. Rhodey demanded that I buy him drinks for the rest of the night. He'd never been drinking with me before, so he didn't know that the rest of the night meant _the rest of the night._"

Pepper shook her head slowly. "So I bet you two partied and powered right through the first four levels in a couple of hours…"

"That we did. At about two in the morning, we decided to leave, right after we got thrown out. We'd made the decision to stay up all night, and I knew where there was an after hours bar. I don't remember the specifics, but he and I ended up across the state line in a bar filled with guys that, I'm sure, had been in prison as recently as that morning. We were drinking some thick liquor that I _still_ suspect is used for eye surgery – Rhodey insists that it's the stuff they use to clean combs – but we could both agree that, whatever it was, it was _fantastic_! A waitress with fresh stitches in her head came over and asked us if we wanted another round, and Rhodey looked me dead in the eye and said, 'Someday, I'm gonna _marry_ that girl'!"

He paused to listen to Pepper's more subdued laughter. While it wasn't at all as free as her laughter had been the night before, it was no less bewitching. "Are you sure _you_ didn't say that?"

"That was definitely the Rhodster," Tony assured her. "You know I'd have no shame in admitting to it if it'd been me."

"True."

His tone grew serious as he continued. "We crawled outside for some air and then… we saw it."

Pepper waited a few beats before raising her eyebrow. "It?"

"The _sun_."

She narrowed her eyes in sympathy, but chuckled nonetheless. "I think I know the feeling. Just this morning it felt like that one bright ray that peeked in was God's flashlight."

Tony chuckled. "That's _exactly_ what it felt like. We weren't even expecting it, despite the fact that it was eight in the morning. And we saw people on their way to work, taking their kids to school… and _jogging!_ And they looked at us - stumbling around and cringing at the sun - and they _knew_."

"And that's the story of level five?"

Tony nodded in agreement. "That's the story of level five," he echoed.

They shared a comfortable silence before Pepper suddenly said, "You never did tell me what that secret was."

Tony gave her a tight smile and waved a hand dismissively. "I fell asleep. I don't even remember."

Pepper shrugged and burrowed deeper into her blankets. She didn't remember his little confession. Part of him was glad for that, as it made things a little less awkward. Still, Tony frowned, wondering why his chest suddenly felt a little bit heavier.

**

Pepper squinted. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been hung-over like this. She couldn't remember _ever_ being hung-over like this. But, on the positive side, she at least remembered everything from last night. She and Tony had gotten a little friendly, but there was nothing wrong with that. Especially considering the fact that they could've gotten _a lot_ friendlier...

_That reminds me…_ "You never did tell me what that secret was," she said as casually as she could manage.

He carelessly waved it off, as though it had been nothing of interest. While she couldn't hear his voice, she was sure that - if she had - she would've heard indifference in his tone. "I fell asleep. I don't even remember.

She shrugged and burrowed deeper into her blankets, hiding her face so that Tony wouldn't see her sad expression. Pepper remembered _exactly_ what he'd said, and even that sweet, chaste kiss he'd given her on the nose. If he'd been so drunk that he didn't remember, did that mean that he hadn't meant it in the first place?

That made things a little less complicated between them, but that knowledge didn't ease the dull ache that seemed to settle in her heart.

* * *

Level Five comes from Larry Miller's 'Five Levels Of Drinking.'


	7. Super Bowl XLIV: Part 1

**Super Bowl XLIV: Part 1

* * *

**

It was the fourth quarter of Super Bowl Forty-Four. The room was divided in half; Saints fans on one side, Colts fans on the other. While the rest of Rhodey's house was relatively silent, his living room was probably loud enough to overpower the volume of all the other TVs in his neighborhood.

While Tony had never been a hardcore football fan, he had to admit that he was getting into it. Rhodey's fourteen other guests were glued to the TV, watching the Saints slowly but surely catch up to the Colts. The game was fun to watch, but Tony had been having _much_ more fun watching Pepper. He hadn't been unable to take his eyes off of her the entire time.

He'd been surprised to find out that Pepper was a football fan in the first place. Even more surprised when he'd learned that she'd become a fan because she'd dated Drew Brees – the quarterback for the New Orleans Saints – in high school. Tony had been mildly jealous about that, but he reminded himself that he'd slept with hundreds of other women that he'd asked Pepper to throw out of his house. He had no right to be jealous about a guy she'd gone out with in high school. And besides, when Rhodey had asked why they weren't together, she'd assured him that she and Brees had never gotten past the 'friend zone' of their relationship.

Three days ago, when Rhodey had invited them to his Super Bowl party, Tony had thought about passing. But the second he'd seen that Pepper was interested, his answer had been yes. Luckily, Pepper hadn't scheduled anything at all for that day, as the Super Bowl was practically a holiday. So Tony had picked her up roughly and hour and a half before the game started and they went to Rhodey's house to have a good time.

Seeing her dressed so casually had been… disarming. Plain jeans, shoes that weren't heels, her long hair pulled back into a careless ponytail… It was the sexiest he'd ever seen her. And Tony never would've guessed that she had a giant Saints jersey in her closet, but there she stood, practically swimming in it.

She'd been full of surprises the entire day, in fact. Tony had noticed that she actually knew how the game is played. Not that women were incapable of understanding how the game worked – it was actually quite simple – but it was obvious that a few of the guests present, while excited, were simply echoing cheers and boos when everyone else was.

Pepper was yelling strategies at the players through the TV, tugging at her ponytail in irritation when they didn't listen, and even arguing with a few of the guests about the plays. Sometimes she won and sometimes she lost, but her focus was always on the game.

Perhaps this was all so surprising to Tony because he'd never even heard her _say_ 'football' in all the time that he'd known her. He never would've guessed that she'd have any interest at all in such a ritual as this, but it was certainly a pleasant surprise to see her so… free. It was possible that she'd had a little to drink, but she wasn't slurring her words or stumbling or even giggling madly. At the most, she was slightly buzzed, and there was _nothing_ wrong with that.

And the halftime show…

Tony smirked at the memory. Pepper had seemed mildly pleased when The Who began playing, but she lit up like the Fourth of July when 'Baba O'Riley' started. She even started dancing when the lead singer broke out the harmonica. Tony was so mesmerized that he just watched, too enchanted to even ask her for a dance. He'd _never_ seen her like this, and some part of him feared that he never would again. So he gave her his full attention.

She gave a squeal of delight when 'Won't Get Fooled Again' started and even sang along. Tony shook his head in disbelief as he admired her, not even caring if everyone else noticed how star struck he was at the moment. He made a mental note to take her to a concert some time in the future, already planning ways to talk her into going to one with him. He'd have to figure out what kind of music tastes that they had in common, but that wouldn't be a 'Mission: Impossible'. He could learn to love _any_ band that brought out this side of Pepper.

Tony was yanked roughly back into the present when indignant shouts erupted from the Colts side. Pepper and many of the other guests shrieked with excitement, shouting for someone to run. Tony glanced at the screen and saw that the Saints had intercepted the football and were going for another touchdown. If they made it – as well as the field goal after – the Saints would be fourteen points in the lead, and the Colts would need nothing less than a miracle to win.

Pepper jumped up and down when Porter made the touchdown, screaming in triumph. Tony stood and crossed over to her, hoping to sneak in a hug in her excited state. It came as a complete surprise to him when she turned and, without pausing at all, threw her arms around him. And…

Was she _kissing_ him?!?

He was too shocked to move, standing completely rigid under her touch. She clung to him only a moment longer before pulling back, eyes wide with horror. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement, her chest heaving – possibly because of all the screaming – and Tony noticed that her arms were still around his neck.

He couldn't look away, couldn't _fathom_ letting her go. His thoughts were flying at the speed of light, his heart pumping just as quickly. Looking thoroughly embarrassed, Pepper tried to pull out of his arms. _Consequences be damned!_

"No," he whispered, pulling her back. The instant their lips met, she froze. But after only a second she molded herself against him, a perfect fit. Her lips, soft as petals, commanded him entirely. She made his heart flip and jump, stop and start. She stole his breath, then gave it back. She made him feel weak and strong in equal measure, made him want to be so much more than he ever could in an effort to deserve someone like her.

Tony had never felt this way, and he loved every second of it…

Until an over enthusiastic guest bumped into them and they broke apart.**

* * *

To Be Continued…**


	8. Super Bowl XLIV: Part 2

**Super Bowl XLIV: Part 2

* * *

**

_Tony had never felt this way, and he loved every second of it…_

_Until an over enthusiastic guest bumped into them and they broke apart._

Tony felt like turning and cursing the man out, but the look that Pepper was wearing discouraged him from making a scene. She stared at him for a long time with wide eyes, like a deer in the headlights, before she was finally able to find her voice.

"I, um…" She cleared her throat and tried again. "I think I need some air."

Tony nodded and let her go out to Rhodey's balcony with reluctance. He knew that 'I need some air' meant 'I need some time alone.' He sat down on the couch alone with a heavy sigh as Rhodey's guests kept cheering. Suddenly the game wasn't as interesting anymore. He hardly noticed anything that was going on around him until the couch shifted as a weight settled next to him. Rhodey silently offered Tony a beer and he took it. He wasn't all that fond of beer, but it was better than nothing.

"How long are you going to give her out there?" Rhodey asked.

"Until the game is done," he replied tonelessly. "The score of the game is a good ice breaker, isn't it?"

"It'll have to be." They sat in silence for a long while before Rhodey spoke again. "I think your best bet is to pretend that nothing major happened."

"It was just a kiss. How is that major?"

Rhodey raised an eyebrow at him. "It was _not_ just a kiss. Time stopped in your little bubble. All that was missing was an ice berg, the Titanic, and Celine Dion. Pretty sappy, if you ask me."

"Thanks for the support," Tony said sourly.

"It's because I love you, man." When Tony didn't respond, his friend elbowed him gently. "Come on! Any fool in here can see that you've got it bad for her. Your life is an open book that the masses read about on a regular basis. You never hide anything, certainly not well. She's a lot better at it than you are."

Tony perked up at that. "What? You think she likes me too?"

"I'll be honest," Rhodey said with a shrug, "I've thought that she's had it bad for you for about five and a half years now. I don't know what shifted between you two, but gradually I noticed that she seemed… different. I don't know how to explain it, really. She just seemed a little brighter. Maybe it wasn't even her; maybe it's just that I started noticing. I don't know. And she was frayed from the inside out those three months that you were gone. I don't know how many hours had to listen to her cry on the phone because she was too stubborn to let me come over and I was too stubborn to let her hang up and cry alone."

Tony frowned. He'd never realized that his capture had affected her so. When he'd returned she'd been a bit stricter those first few weeks, but after that things had returned to normal, for the most part. Why hadn't she told him?

He sighed. That kiss _had_ been major – well, for _him_ it had been major. But it would only cause trouble if Pepper thought so. He had talk to her – of that, he was certain – but did he _have_ to tell her that it had changed _nothing_ between them? That it had _meant _nothing?

Well, technically, it hadn't changed anything. Not _really_. As Rhodey had said himself, any fool could see that he'd had eyes only for Pepper the whole damn day. His affection for her had only been growing, and it seemed that she was the only one who didn't notice. Or perhaps she had. As Rhodey had implied, discretion was her area of expertise. For all he knew, she'd been watching him as he watched her the entire evening.

"She _is_ amazing…"

"She puts up with more of your crap than any other human being would," Rhodey agreed.

Tony scoffed at that. "You think I don't know that? Anyone else would've deserted me ages ago. You two are the only friends I have."

"You are _really_ killing the mood in here, Charlie Brown," Rhodey said as he set his beer bottle on the table with a loud click. "Look, you need to look at the positives. You may only have two friends, but we'd do anything for your crazy ass - truly, _anything_ - and we know that you'd do the same. Not a lot of people can boast that they have _two_ friends like that.

"And here's another positive: some part of Pepper, however small, enjoyed that. Otherwise, she would've just slapped you and left. That means that, no matter what's going on in her head, her heart is always going to know that she liked it. All you have to do is prove yourself to her, and that shouldn't be too hard. I haven't seen _any_ women on your arm in the tabloids (you know, aside from the occasional photoshop of you kissing Bigfoot in 'The National Inquirer'). Trust me, it won't take that long for her to realize that she's sappy for you just like you're sappy for her. But, in the meantime, just play it cool."

Tony chuckled half heartedly. "This coming from the guy that can't keep a girlfriend for more than three months."

Rhodey huffed indignantly in response. "_That_ coming from the guy that can't keep a girlfriend for more than three _minutes_."

Tony offered Rhodey his hand to shake. "Well played, sir."

Rhodey took it and gave Tony's shoulder a shove. "So go talk to her, fool. When there's pent up attraction between friends, sometimes they kiss each other like that. It's nothing to ruin your friendship over. I wouldn't recommend telling her that you love her, as that might scare her off, but there's nothing wrong with letting things go back to normal. At least for now. She needs to know without reasonable doubt that you've changed permanently before she'll even _consider_ telling you how she feels."

Tony raised an eyebrow at his friend. "You taking relationship classes or something?"

"My TiVo likes to go rogue and record Dr. Phil instead of MXC."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "And you watch it?"

"Quit stalling. Get out there before she starts writing a letter of resignation."

He wiped his hands on his pants and stood, slowly walking over to Rhodey's balcony. He tapped lightly on the glass before opening the sliding door and poking his head out. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**


	9. Super Bowl XLIV: Part 3

**Super Bowl XLIV: Part 3

* * *

**

_He tapped lightly on the glass before opening the sliding door and poking his head out. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"_

Pepper nodded without looking at him and Tony slipped out, closing the door behind him. He stood next to her for a few awkward moments before finally speaking. "Saints won."

"I figured," was her immediate reply. "What was the score?"

"Too much to not enough," he immediately replied. Tony pursed his lips together. He hadn't bothered to look at the score on his way out. In all honesty, he wasn't even sure if the game was over yet. He highly doubted that either team had scored again, but he wasn't going to lie to her.

She turned around and leaned against the railing, raising an eyebrow at him. "You didn't watch the end." A statement, not a question.

"I was preoccupied."

She nodded, looking away from him. "Look, I'm – "

"Sorry?" he challenged. "Did you like it?"

She scowled. "What kind of question is that?"

"You have nothing to apologize for, Pepper. You were excited, I was within reach…"

"It was unprofessional," she said flatly.

"We're at a Super Bowl party! _Nothing_ about this day has been even _remotely_ professional, and I liked it that way!"

"Our professional relationship doesn't stop just because we go out as friends."

"Friends – true friends – don't have _just_ a professional relationship. If that were the case then you and I wouldn't be here."

"Okay. I'll give you that. But friends don't kiss like we just did."

"Why not?"

Pepper blinked. Hard. "Are you kidding?" she asked in a deadpan voice.

"Absolutely not. You were excited. I was excited. _Everyone_ was excited. We kissed, we broke apart, end of story. And don't give me that look, because I know what you're thinking."

She crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at him. "You think so," she challenged.

"You're thinking that I see no problem with it because I've been so promiscuous in the past that I couldn't possibly see something like a kiss as even remotely intimate."

She didn't respond, and Tony felt a sharp stab in his heart at the silent affirmation. But, he'd been the one to voice the accusation. She'd only confirmed it with her silence, and Tony couldn't deny that his words had a ring of truth to them. At least, from her point of view.

There would be a time to prove to her that that kiss they'd just shared had been more than just a kiss, but that time wasn't now. Rhodey was right; that would only scare her off. For right now, she needed to know that it hadn't meant everything.

But that didn't necessarily mean that she had to think that it had meant _nothing_ to him either. That was a downright mistake. The trouble would be trying to find the middle ground. Perhaps the way to do that would be to get her to say it herself.

"Did that kiss mean everything to you?" he asked softly.

"Of course not," she replied, a bit too quickly.

Tony pretended not to notice. "Well, it didn't mean nothing either, did it? Otherwise you wouldn't've kissed me. Nor would I have kissed you back." Reluctantly, she nodded. "It wasn't life altering. It was just a kiss. It didn't change the way we felt about each other." Technically true, at least from his point of view.

She pursed her lips together as she studied him closely. "So, what? Tomorrow we just pretend like nothing of interest happened today?"

"Plenty of things happened today. We don't need to pretend that nothing happened, but we don't have to let it hang uncomfortably in the air between us either. You and I are good friends, and I really think that you'd be surprised by how easily you and I can return to normal." Whatever 'normal' was for them.

Pepper seemed to see the humor in that too, and it brought forth a smile. It was only halfhearted, but it was still a victory. "You're really willing to do that?"

"I am," he said sincerely. "And you should be too. A kiss shouldn't break us apart."

She chewed on her bottom lip for a long while before she finally nodded. "Alright."

Tony smiled hopefully. "Just like that?"

"Apparently."

"We're okay?"

She smiled back. "Yeah, we're okay."

He nodded. "Good. I'm glad."

"I think I am too." With a nod of finality, she slid past him and back into Rhodey's house. She held the door open for him, but he shook his head, taking up her space against the railing and enjoying a quick moment alone to think about what had just happened.

He was silent for a long time, looking out into the city lights and listening to the sounds of the night life. Enthusiastic laughter erupted from inside and Tony turned around, leaning against the railing. Pepper was talking with a group of three other guys and a woman, animatedly gesturing and talking. If Tony had to guess, he'd say that she was giving them a recap of something that had to do with the game. He smiled at that.

"You know something, Potts?" She nodded adamantly to something that someone said and Tony smiled softly, despite her inability to see it. "I think we're more than okay."

* * *

Inspiration for this and the other 'Super Bowl XLIV' chapters came from – you guessed it – Super Bowl XLIV (Forty-four). And a situation between a friend and his muse. But the situation with Tony and Pepper ended better…


	10. Tony Stark Origins

**Tony Stark Origins

* * *

**

Tony sighed in boredom. Pepper had dragged him into his office to do work. That meant he had to get dressed up in a business suit. He didn't _like_ getting dressed up in a business suit for work. But, for Pepper Potts, anything. Especially after the fiasco of the night before. Really, the whole _day_ before.

While extremely fun, that Super Bowl party had nearly done him and Pepper in, both professionally and personally. He had his logic and quick wit to thank for saving their relationship – and Dr. Phil's advice through Rhodey, apparently – and now all he had to do was pretend that they could carry on as they would any other day.

So far, so good. He'd gotten dressed, he was in the office, and now he sat, staring at his screen saver as he tapped his laser pen on his desk in boredom so absolute that he was sure one could die from it. Yes, he was determined not to make this day awkward for her, but she was all he'd thought about all day. The flush of her cheeks as she'd sung and danced while listening to The Who, the spark in her eyes as she watched the game and analyzed the plays like a professional coach… and, of course, her elation of her team being ahead in the game in the fact that she'd reached out to kiss Tony in celebration of that.

It had to mean _something_, didn't it?

She'd seemed rather distant all morning, but Tony wanted to believe that it was because she was busy. She'd walked by his office more than a few times in the past hour alone, carting arm fulls of paperwork back and forth. Tony would've felt bad if he didn't know that she enjoyed keeping busy like that.

His phone began blinking and ringing lightly. He pressed the button to put it on speaker and didn't even pretend to be doing work of any kind. No one would believe him anyhow. "Helloooooo?"

"Mr. Stark, I've walked by your office four times now to find you in exactly the same position, staring at exactly the same spot. You're terrible at faking work."

He lightened considerably at the sound of Pepper's chiding tone. Perhaps their relationship hadn't taken a turn for the worst after all. "Who's pretending? I have nothing to work on because my beautiful personal assistant is secretly Wonder Woman."

He heard shuffling paper as well as a skeptical huff. "You know that's not true, Mr. Stark. I gave you an extensive list of things that needed to get done _today_."

Tony grinned. "So you're not denying that, under your professional attire, is a tempting red, white, and blue spandex super suit reminiscent of strapless swimwear?"

"Mr. Stark…"

Tony huffed dramatically. "Ms. Potts, as per your instructions, I signed all of the papers that you gave me."

All other noise from her end ceased. "All of them?"

"All of them."

"Did you _read_ all of them?"

"…"

"Did you read _any_ of them?!"

"…"

"_Tony!_"

"I read the cover pages!"

A distinct _'click'_ signaled that she'd hung up on her end. He sighed dramatically, but smirked nevertheless. She'd burst into his office to scold him face to face in five, four, three, two…

"Mr. Stark, do you enjoy making me do this?" she asked before the door was fully closed behind her.

Bingo!

She slapped her arm full of papers on his desk and reached for the stack that he'd signed. Scanning through them, she shook her head and '_tsked'_ as she set the papers in two separate piles.

Tony let his mind wander anywhere and everywhere as he watched her. He liked the intense concentration on her features when she was thinking. "Potts, did your parents ever lie to you?"

She paused momentarily to stare at him strangely, but only for a moment. "Of course they did. They told me that my hamster ran away while I was at a sleepover when, really, the cat got him. The Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus…"

"Santa's real," he snapped immediately, but in a playful tone.

She rolled her eyes as she continued her task. "Everyone's parent's lie to them about _something_."

"Would you like to hear a very interesting lie that my father told me when I was young?"

She paused again, this time for a bit longer. Tony smirked as he saw the barely concealed curiosity behind her eyes. He could practically hear her reciting _'Curiosity killed the cat. Don't make the same mistake'_ inside her mind.

But she wouldn't regret listening to him. "Our story begins when I was a young tot of about five or so. I was in trouble, _again_…"

**

_Nose pressed lightly into the corner of the wall, Tony sighed heavily. He was bored. He'd been in this corner _**forever**, _and his father had promised that it would only be five minutes._

_It hadn't escaped his notice that his timeouts were starting to get longer. His timeouts had always been five minutes. Then he'd taken apart his mother's music box and five minutes had seemed more like ten minutes. Then he'd taken apart his great grandfather's old pocket watch and five minutes had felt suspiciously like fifteen. Today, it felt like five minutes was closer to twenty. Next time he decided to have fun, he'd have to remember to wear a watch so he could time them. Perhaps pointing out that he'd been in the corner longer than five minutes would result in a longer timeout, but at least he'd know._

_And why was it such a long timeout anyhow? It was just a computer tower! Tony huffed loudly, hoping that his father would hear him. Unlike his mother, his father let him talk when he was in timeout._

"_Something on your mind, son?"_

"_Yesterday at school, Bruce Wayne told me that there's no such thing as Santa Claus."_

"_And why does he think that?"_

"_He said that Santa's signature is suspiciously similar to his father's signature."_

_Tony heard his father flip the page of the newspaper he was reading. "Do _**you**_ know that Santa Claus is real?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Well, then, there's no problem. Tell Bruce Wayne that there's no such thing as his father or something."_

"_Well, that's silly. Where did Bruce come from, then?"_

_Mr. Stark was absolutely still and silent. Tony turned to look at his father strangely, and saw that he was staring off into the distance with a vacant expression._

"_Dad?"_

_His father blinked hard before seemingly coming back to earth. "Yes?"_

"_Doesn't the stork only leave the little bundle of joy on the doorstep when there's a mother _**and**_ a father?"_

_Mr. Stark shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he turned the page of his newspaper again. "That's assuming that the child _**is**_ a little bundle of joy," his father replied. He paused to eye the dismantled computer tower with only mild irritation. Tony frowned. At least he'd organized the parts for quick and easy reassembly…_

_Mr. Stark, in turn, caught Tony without his nose in the corner and motioned for him to turn around. "In your case," he continued, "I believe a big, hairy pterodactyl wrapped you in a potato sack and dropped you down the chimney…"_

_"COOL!"_

_"God bless your ignorance, Tony," Mr. Stark muttered to himself._

**

During his narrative, Tony had stood up and crossed around his desk to stand beside Pepper. Much to his disappointment, she swatted him away as he leaned in for a hug to ease the memory of such a traumatic childhood experience.

"Why do you want a hug? You thought it was cool."

He shrugged. "I didn't know any better. I didn't give it time to sink in."

"If you had given it time to sink in, the only change would've been that you'd say, 'Awesome' instead of 'Cool'!"

Tony sat on the edge of his desk and twirled his pen with a haughty expression. "I ask you: who _wouldn't_ want to be delivered to their parents in that manner? I told Bruce and Lex that story the next day and they were practically green with jealousy!"

She rolled her eyes. "You'd be hard pressed to find a girl that would want that."

Tony grinned at that. "So I suppose your parents told you that a beautiful maiden riding a white horse dropped you right into your father's arms."

"It was a fairy on a unicorn," she said in an equally haughty manner. "A princess deserves nothing less."

"So tell me, Potts; what did _your_ parents ever lie to you about?"

She chewed on the corner of her lips thoughtfully. "Well, on the subject of where babies come from, I probably got that talk _a lot_ sooner than you did."

Tony raised an eyebrow at that. "Why?"

"I was eight years old, I wanted to play dress-up with a pair of my mom's heels…" She pursed her lips together in an effort to keep a smile at bay, but failed miserably. "Went into my parent's clo-set…" she said in a sing-song voice. "Thought it was a kiddie mo-vie…"

Tony wasn't sure of what she was talking about at first, but when it finally clicked he laughed so hard that for a moment he choked and fell off of his desk. He was sure that the entire floor could hear him almost crying, but he didn't care. "You didn't…" He gasped for air. "You didn't _watch_ it, did you?!"

"Of course I did. I couldn't look away, no matter how much I wanted to. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much that night."

Tony fell back to the ground as he continued laughing and gasping. He felt like he'd never laughed so hard in his life. It must've taken him at least ten minutes to compose himself before he was upright in his chair and breathing evenly. And even then, he was still giggling.

With a surprisingly calm expression, she slapped a pile of papers on the desk right in front of him and strolled out of his office indifferently. But she stopped at the door and pointed warningly to the papers on his desk. "_Please_ read those before you decide that signing them was a good idea."

Tony smiled at her. A genuine smile. Truly, he couldn't help it. He could only hope that it wasn't making her uncomfortable. "Will that be all, Ms. Potts?"

She smiled a true, radiant smile back and Tony's heart flipped. A smile like that didn't speak of discomfort. It felt natural for them to look at each other this way. Tony could finally be sure that his relationship with Pepper wasn't ruined. They would be just fine. "That'll be all, Mr. Stark," she said as she left his office.

* * *

Tony's story is inspired by the Calvin and Hobbes comic. Pepper's is from a friend's true life experience.


	11. Valentine's Cookie

**Valentine's Cookie

* * *

**

Tony had been feeling sluggish all morning. It was probably due to the fact that he hadn't slept in nearly thirty-six hours, but he'd been too wrapped up in upgrading Jarvis' system to watch the time. It was a rarity that Tony was up by the time Pepper arrived at his house, and today was one of those rarities.

Sort of.

He sat on a bar stool at the island in his kitchen, his head buried in his arms as he dozed lightly. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Jarvis alerted him to Pepper's arrival, but managed to at least appear fully awake by the time she came into the kitchen to find him.

Tony's eyes lit up when he saw what Pepper had for him; a shot of espresso – as usual – and a heart shaped sugar cookie. Normally she scolded him for eating sweets early in the morning (neither would soon forget the morning that Tony had decided that a cupcake and a vitamin was an adequate breakfast), but Tony made a mental note; it was okay to eat sugar in the morning on Valentine's Day.

"All nighter?" she guessed, looking him over with a practiced eye.

"Jarvis needed upgrades and I went a little…" He searched for the right word.

"Overboard, sir?" Jarvis supplied. "Crazy, perhaps?"

"Yes, Jarvis, thank you," Tony said pointedly, smirking nevertheless. A few upgrades and suddenly Jarvis felt like Skynet...

Pepper offered Tony both the cookie and the espresso, and didn't seem at all surprised when he took the cookie. But when he examined it rather than shoving it into his mouth, she seemed a little perplexed. "What?"

"You didn't write me a message," he stated flatly. Wasn't it _obvious_?

"Why write you a message when I'm _right here_ and perfectly capable of saying 'Happy Valentine's Day'?"

"Come on, Pepper. Valentine's Day isn't about practicality. It's about romance and spontaneity and sugar." He hung his head, shaking it slowly in mock disappointment. "You dropped the ball today, Potts. Kinda makes me sad, you know?"

She sighed dramatically and snatched the cookie back, marching to one of the many cupboards in his kitchen. She extracted a tube of red icing and got a plate. After pushing one of the thin tips onto the opening of the tube, she carefully held the cookie in place and began writing. She was so absorbed in her work that Tony was free to rake her over with a friendly leer.

She always looked impeccable, but today especially so. It could, perhaps, be because she was wearing the heels that he loved best and had even worn delicate dangling earrings. Perhaps if he wasn't quite so forward with her than she wouldn't feel so uncomfortable dressing like this more often.

He tapped his chin thoughtfully with his index finger. No, that wasn't it. He didn't make her _truly_ uncomfortable. He always made sure to never push it that far. And he doubted that she dressed according to how she felt he might see her. Practical Pepper Potts wasn't that kind of woman, or else he was sure that most days she'd come to work in sweats and a t-shirt. He'd certainly let her, more often than not…

She finally finished with the cookie and held it up for display, giving him a wide smile. Tony nodded his approval until he caught sight of exactly what she'd written.

You

make me

tired.

:)

She'd even done the smiley face sideways! Tony laughed and took the cookie as she offered it back to him. Holding it over his heart, he stuck out his lower lip and broke the heart shaped cookie in half.

"I highly doubt that, Mr. Stark," she said with a smile.

He offered her the other half of the cookie with what he hoped was a sincere smile. "You shouldn't."

She stared at him blankly and then stared down at the cookie. Perhaps she was trying to decide if there was a double meaning in his offering? It had been a month and a half since the Ohio Incident, and while they'd both claimed to have forgotten Tony's small confession, he got the feeling that she _did_ remember.

And, of course, the Super Bowl Incident had been only a week ago. While Tony knew that they were okay, thinking back to it still made them both pause from time to time.

But, honestly, while Tony wouldn't deny that offering her 'half of his heart' was a cute idea, it really was just a cookie. A cookie that _she'd_ given him to begin with.

Finally, she took it and eyed it hesitantly. Wanting to restore the normality for her sake, Tony shoved his half into his mouth and chased it with the espresso. He rubbed his hands together with a smile, ready to feel the sugar and caffeine rush through his system.

"I am _ready_!" He jumped once into the air for no reason at all and strolled out of the kitchen. "Jarvis! Music! I feel like a little Beck right now."

"No you don't," Pepper said with disinterest, right on his heels. "When that sugar hits your system in about five minutes, you're going to want to listen to something more like The Strokes."

"Well, right now I want to listen to Beck. 'Loser', to be specific."

"And then what?"

"And then I should be ready to listen to The Strokes."

She rolled her eyes and Tony winked. "Jarvis, play whatever the lovely lady wants."

"Very well, sir," the AI answered. "What would you like to listen to, Ms. Potts?"

She smirked as she brushed past Tony, on her way down to his workshop. "It's going to be a long day, Jarvis. Put on Modest Mouse. 'King Rat', please."

"Very well, Ms. Potts."

Near the bottom of the stairs, Pepper turned around and looked up at Tony. "I think my choice is something that we can _both_ enjoy. And besides, you're not a loser. You're a winner."

Tony laughed as he followed after her. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she saw what he'd gotten her for Valentine's Day. It was simple enough: a cute pink card that, when opened, played a recording of him singing 'Time After Time'. He knew she'd laugh, especially when she discovered that he was a decent singer.

But she'd laugh nonetheless, and – lately – he found himself craving her laugh like a dangerous drug.

* * *

Inspired by NatalieDee's webcomics. THIS was the original chapter seven, aka Valentine's Day special. But the Super Bowl thing got out of hand. In a good way. At least I kept the timeline consistent…


	12. Wade On Over Here

**Wade On Over Here

* * *

**

Pepper was standing off to the side of the large public fountain, trying to discreetly pretend that she wasn't with Tony. He could tell, and he was pretending to be hurt by it. Unfortunately, Pepper seemed to know that he was pretending to be hurt by her pretending. "You and I aren't going _anywhere_ together anymore," she told him firmly.

Tony looked up from his task and rolled his eyes at her, despite the fact that she wasn't looking at him. He tried to put himself in her shoes for a moment: She was a little bit embarrassed by the fact that her boss was wearing rubber boots and a business suit while wading around in a public fountain, sifting through coins and other mildly disgusting objects in an attempt to find his favorite laser pen.

Yes, it sounded like Pepper, but it was also - undeniably - something that Tony would do. Couldn't she see that? It was his _favorite _laser pen! He couldn't let it go without at least _attempting_ to look for it.

Admittedly, it was his fault for losing it in the first place. The week before, a group of business men had dragged him by here on their way to get lunch at some fancy Thai restaurant.

Truthfully, Tony had always thought that those tiny shops that hardly had two costumers dining at the same time had the best food. But he knew better than to expect them to want to go to a small place like that. They liked living high and mighty, so obscenely expensive restaurant, almost decent food, and boring conversation was a _must_.

He'd been tossing his laser pen into the air and one of the topics of conversation had actually caught his interest. He'd talked about it all the way to the restaurant, and by the time they were there, his pen was no longer in his hands. Now, a week later, he was back tracking. Part of him _really_ didn't expect to find it ever again, but there was no harm in trying.

"Come on, Pepper Potts," he said loudly. "Why wouldn't you want to travel in the same vehicle with me, Tony Stark? It saves gas."

"Would you stop that," she hissed, turning to face him fully. "It's bad enough that we have to do this in broad daylight on a Friday! And for a _laser pen_ that you _lost_!"

"I'm Tony Stark! My gadgets mean a lot to me, _Pepper Potts!_"

"You're doing that on purpose."

"Absolutely," he said in a normal voice, flashing her a smile. His eyes widened and he dipped a hand into the water, only to come up with a silver pen. But Pepper knew it wasn't his, and so did he. He tossed it back with a heavy sigh and bent over to look closer at the treasures under the rippling water.

"Why don't you just make a new one?" Pepper asked, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the one spot that it wasn't wet. "You didn't even make the one you lost, did you?"

"No, I didn't. But it's special and I want it back."

"You have a dozen other laser pens scattered all around your office and workshop!"

"This one is _special_ and I want it _back_," he repeated, dipping in again and coming out with a tie clasp, which he threw back.

She sighed and looked away. "How on earth can a laser pen be _that_ special? It's probably disgusting and rusted and slimy by now, anyway."

Tony stood to his full height and pouted down at Pepper. "Fine. It's special because it's the laser pen that _you_ gave me for my birthday four years ago. It was a ridiculous, childish present, and it was the best that I'd received in a long while. _That's_ why I want it back."

Pepper stared at him for a long moment, possibly trying to decide if he truly meant that. After a full minute, she sighed heavily and pointed a little to the left of where Tony was standing. "What's that?" she asked tiredly.

Tony caught sight of it and pulled it out. "A notebook spiral." He tossed it back in and smirked at Pepper. "Good eyes, though."

She shrugged and muttered something about getting arrested as she continued to watch him. When she gave an audible and angry huff, however, Tony looked up to find her head turned in the direction of a group of gentlemen that were walking by, throwing the pair judgmental glances as they passed. "Pricks," Pepper muttered under her breath. "They think they're so important with their business suits and briefcases, and they judge you and I when they don't even know what we're doing."

Tony shrugged. He didn't particularly care. "That's just how men like them are. They think that the wealth of their appearance matches their importance. The suit you're wearing now costs less then any of their shoes, I bet. I'd also bet that your salary is more then all of theirs combined."

"They probably don't even recognize you from all the way up there on their pedestals. I'll bet a pair of rubber boots like yours would make wading through all the bullshit at their office a lot easier."

Tony snickered. He'd never known that Pepper felt so strongly about this sort of thing. Especially since she was talked about _all the time_ in the tabloids. Though he didn't like it, she ought to be used to that sort of thing by now.

Then again, maybe she _was_ used to it. Being used to it didn't mean that she had to sit idle while others were talking about her. Especially when they were _right there_, not even attempting to be discreet about it. But Tony knew that she was too polite to tell them off. That meant that it was up to him.

He smirked, not at all afraid of rising to the challenge. Pepper, noticing his calculating silence, turned to look at Tony, promptly becoming pale when she saw his expression. "Tony, _don't you _**dare**_!_"

But his hands were already in the air, waving wide to get the attention of the haughty businessmen. "Hey!" he shouted. They looked up at Tony, holding their noses high. He cupped his hands on either side of his mouth to increase his volume and the distance that his voice carried. "If you don't like my galoshes, why don't you wade on over here and kiss my ass?!?"

* * *

Inspired by NatalieDee and Toothpaste For Dinner webcomics.


	13. Happy Birthday, Pepper Potts

**Happy Birthday, Pepper Potts

* * *

**

Upon arriving at Tony's mansion, Pepper – as usual – made her first stop in the kitchen to prepare his shot of espresso. She managed to get the espresso brewing when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She started violently; nearly shrieking in terror as she turned to find Tony standing right behind her, still as a statue and holding a cupcake with a lit candle on it.

"I _really_ wish you wouldn't do that."

"I had to do something," he said with a shrug. "Do you know how long I've been standing here, waiting for you to turn around and notice me?"

_Don't __**I**__ know the feeling,_ she mused, but quickly silenced that thought. That was the _last _thing she needed on her birthday. "Since Jarvis told you that I pulled up?" she asked, her heart slowly returning to a normal rhythm.

Tony sighed. "_Goodness_! I try to do something nice for you and I'm just _denied!_"

"Was I right?"

He waved his hand carelessly. "Details, love, details. Now blow the candle out so I can sing to you."

"You're supposed to sing _before_ I blow the candle out, not after."

"Very well." Tony hardly gathered enough oxygen for a first note before Pepper blew out the small candle and set the cupcake aside. "Really, Potts?"

"You have a lovely voice, Tony. I won't debate that. I still have that Valentine's card that you gave me and, on occasion, I open it when I need a little cheering up. But we don't have time for your singing right now."

Tony pouted. "Why not? How can we not have time for your _birthday_?!"

"Fine. _You_ don't have time. Therefore, _I_ don't have time. The world doesn't stop turning just because I'm getting old."

"Old_-er_, Potts. I've got three years on you and I am _not_ old, thank you very much."

"Whatever. Time goes on."

"Not today. Listen, I know that I was a prick last year – "

"Don't do that…"

"I'm just calling it what it was…"

"You had a lot on your mind – "

"Stop enabling me. I was a prick and you had to raid my funds to get yourself a nice present. You can do it again this year, if you want, but this time I got the perfect Pepper Potts a proper present."

"Why?"

Tony blinked. Had it never occurred to him that Pepper didn't _want_ presents for her birthday? Last year she'd raided his account out of necessity for a dress – and perhaps a _little_ spite at being forgotten. But, honestly, it was enough that he'd remembered this year. Plus, she didn't want to think about this birthday. She _was_ getting old. For heavens sake, she'd found a gray hair only last week…

Although, considering her job, grays should've been popping up _years_ ago…

"Birthdays are supposed to signify happiness! The beginning of yet another year of life!"

Pepper rolled her eyes. "It signifies getting closer to old age."

"Old age… why do you keep coming back to that? Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative." His tone had been light enough, but Pepper caught the underlying seriousness. He'd been _very_ close to the alternative on more than one occasion. The only thing keeping him from the alternative was that contraption in his chest.

While that sobering thought didn't exactly give her the desire to go out and party hard this year, it _did_ maker her feel a little less dreary about the whole business. _Leave it to Tony to put it into perspective_, she thought as she sighed in defeat._ Even when I don't want him to_. "Alright," she said tiredly. "What did you get me?"

Tony smirked in triumph as he produced a small, long velvet box from his back pocket. She stared at it for a moment before glaring up at him. "This had better not be something dirty…"

Tony laughed as he handed her the box. "It's not, I promise. You _know_ that I didn't like that woman."

"You still shouldn't've sent her all those things." Pepper shook her head at the memory. "And the movies…"

"Practice makes perfect," he said with a casual shrug.

"_Moving on!_" Pepper hummed as she cautiously opened the box, gasping when she saw what it was.

It was a bracelet – an ankle bracelet, if she knew Tony like she did. Of all the things that Tony loved in the world, Pepper knew that her legs ranked at about a two on his list. Hell, he loved her numerous shoes and skirts more than she did!

The thin, silver (though she could guess that it was more likely platinum) rope chain was delicate and simple enough to suit her style no matter what she wore. At one end was an open heart, but at the other end was a small glowing 'O'. Come to think of it, the object looked suspiciously like…

"Is that an arc reactor?"

He shrugged, but it was more than clear that he was a little proud of himself. "Sort of."

But it wasn't like the entire arc reactor that she'd had to pull out of his chest, however. This was just a glowing blue circle, and he'd somehow managed to make the whole thing look feminine and sophisticated. And it wasn't overly obnoxious, which was absolutely a plus. It was perfect!

"So, do you like it?" Tony asked a bit anxiously, which was out of character. "I think you should try it on. Then you can leave and come back in so I can see what a good job I did." _That _was more like him.

"I'm sure that's just an excuse to openly stare at my legs."

"As if I'd need an excuse to do _that_!"

Pepper flashed him a warning look, but it she doubted that he took it to heart. Sitting down, she threaded the chain through the open heart and put the jewelry on. Because the chain was threaded, the bracelet was adjustable. The softly glowing circle sat just at the top of her foot. Not too tight, not too loose.

After she slipped her shoe back on, she turned her leg this way and that, admiring the elegant simplicity of the gift. It really was nice, and thoughtful too. She looked up to thank Tony, who she found was gazing _very_ intensely at her leg.

She stood and straightened herself as her face began to heat. And her face only got hotter as Tony's gaze slowly scaled all the way up her body until he reached her eyes. "Perfect," he said softly.

Strangely, she found herself flattered by his comment rather than uncomfortable. Not wanting to waste the moment of bravery she felt, she slowly walked over to him and leaned in, giving him a light kiss on his right cheek. "Thank you," she said with a genuine smile.

Tony's eyes darted down to her lips in a fraction of a second before he caught her eyes again. "How thankful are you," he asked hotly, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Pepper rolled her eyes and stepped back. "If you're lucky, _maybe_ one day I'll migrate a little to the left."

He smiled wide as she walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. It was surprisingly hard not to strut with her new gift weighing down on her, but she managed. If only for the sake of not stroking Tony's already large ego _too_ much…

"Tony Stark _for the win!_" she heard him whisper excitedly from the other room. She rolled her eyes as she sat down to her laptop and got to work. She hardly finished typing in her password before she was interrupted.

"Wait," he said, poking his head into the room. "Your left or stage left?"

She didn't even bother looking up at him as she muttered, "Epic fail."

* * *

This chapter was inspired by a jewelry commercial, as well as complete and utter boredom.


	14. Hilarious Misunderstanding

**Hilarious Misunderstanding

* * *

**

Tony was thoroughly enjoying himself. Thanks to his genius skills of persuasion, he'd convinced Pepper to accompany him to the park on this beautiful day. They were both dressed in jeans and t-shirts, and Pepper had thrown a hoodie on over her shirt just in case she got cold. She looked adorable, in Tony's opinion. He was engrossed in simply watching her, while she was engrossed in her book.

Or so he'd thought.

"That woman won't stop staring," she muttered discreetly, never taking her eyes off of her copy of 'Dead Until Dark'.

Tony frowned and turned his head fractionally to see that there was a woman sitting alone on the park bench beside theirs. But she wasn't being at all discreet like Pepper was. She was fully staring at him with wide, slightly creepy eyes.

"Hello," she said with a _very_ bright smile.

"Hi," Tony answered back.

"How are you doing?"

Tony cocked his head to the side – ever so slightly – in confusion. "Good… thanks."

"You're looking good," she said gently.

"Pardon?!" She wasn't daring enough to say it again, was she?

"I said, 'you're looking good'."

Apparently she was. Tony shrugged in mild surprise. "Fair enough." When she said no more, he turned his attention back to Pepper – perhaps he'd pretend to read over her shoulder. But the strange woman spoke up again.

"Jenny."

He pursed his lips together and turned back to her. "Pardon?"

"Jenny."

Tony blinked. "I'm sorry, but I think you might've mistaken me for somebody else."

She smiled and shook her head. "No, it's me. _My_ name is Jenny."

"Oh, I thought…" Tony shook his head as well. He was pretty slow today. He laughed gently. "I didn't... I'm sorry. It was nice to meet you, Jenny." He tried to turn back to Pepper – again – hoping that Jenny would take the hint. He could hardly see Pepper out of the corner of his eye when Jenny spoke. _Again_.

"Oh, we've met before. Quite a few times, actually." Tony stiffened at that. Pepper sat up straighter, clearly not reading anymore despite the fact that her nose was still in the book.

_Oh dear…_ Had he slept with this woman? He gave her a quick once over; she was a perfect ten (though, not compared to Pepper), and it wasn't at all a stretch to believe that he would've slept with her in the past. But why the hell was she here _now_? Did she just want to catch up? Did she think that she'd meant more than a one night stand to him? Was she one of the not-so-stable ones?

Tony cleared his throat uncomfortably. It was his experience that – if there was even the _slightest_ possibility that the woman was unstable – he was better off pretending that he knew the woman rather than brushing her off right away.

"Yeah, of course we have," he said, nodding as though he recognized her. "What am I thinking? What I meant was, it was nice to meet you... when I met you." Tony blinked hard. Her gaze was just a little too intent for comfort, and it seemed that she hadn't moved an inch since they'd started talking. It was creeping him out! "Where was it that we met, again?"

"At a party," she said calmly.

"That's right! I was a little drunk, I think," he replied, perhaps too quickly. She didn't _look_ like a reporter. Then again, what made a person look like a reporter? Maybe she worked at Stark Industries? "Wasn't it one of those boring work parties?"

"No."

She still hadn't moved. Her smile had fallen some, but her bright blue eyes were still glued to him, never wavering. It honestly made Tony want to shiver. Was she part reptile? Did she have the _ability_ to blink?!

"That's why I said, 'wasn't it'," Tony said, clearing his throat uncomfortably. "It was the party of a mutual friend… was it? Wasn't it...?"

She giggled a little and her eyes returned to a normal size. "Yes, it was."

Tony sighed in relief, both at her confirmation and at the change in her expression. "Yeah, I thought so." But he wasn't out of the water yet. Which mutual friend? Perhaps if he just went down the list? By now she _had_ to know that he didn't remember her, but he couldn't just drop the act. "Rhodey's, right?"

She narrowed her eyes very slightly, as though wincing. "No."

"Happy's?"

"No."

"Bruce's?"

"No."

"Nick's?"

"Yes, Nick's."

"_Yes! Nick's_ party!" Tony bit his lip. He hadn't exactly shouted it out, but he had sounded a bit too excited about it. So he'd met this woman at one of Nick Fury's parties. _Makes a little sense. Fury does keep some strange company_, he thought. "_Love_ Nick's parties."

"Crazy times," she agreed.

_In more ways than one, apparently…_ "How is that guy, anyway?" Tony hadn't spoken to Fury in a few weeks…

"_She's_ good," Jenny said, her mouth twisting in mild annoyance.

Tony laughed uncomfortably. "Oh, that's right. Nick hates it when I forget that. How is she, though?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

_Because I don't __**know**__ her!_ "I tried a couple of times," Tony said, thinking fast, "but she just laughs and says 'horseshit'."

Pepper snickered beside him, but Jenny just waved her hand in dismissal. "We watched a movie," she said optimistically, as though hoping to jog his memory.

And it didn't.

At all.

Tony nodded slowly. "Yeah. It was something like… Schindler's List? But not necessarily! I remember for sure that it was sad and that we cried. I let you cry on my shoulder." He'd used that and other sad movies a few times to lure a particularly difficult woman into his bed. After a sad movie and a good cry, they were usually in the mood for living life to the fullest. At least for a few hours…

But his heart fell when Jenny didn't respond. Wrong again. She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "It was Police Academy Four," she told him, then brightened. "We went for a walk."

He was starting to wonder if she was making all of this up as she went along. After all of the wrong guessing – and a subtle test for possible insanity – Tony couldn't help but ask, "On our feet - if I remember correctly?"

Jenny laughed lightly. "Of course. We went to the top of the hill and we ate some sandwiches."

"Right! Sandwiches… at the top of the hill."

"You remember?"

Tony scratched his chin. "It's coming. Slowly… but surely. We grabbed some sandwiches… and ate them."

"That's the only way to have sandwiches," she agreed.

Pepper snickered again, and Tony gave her leg a light shove with his thigh. Perhaps she found all of this amusing, but Tony was still a little scared. "So, tell me, Jenny; do you still like going on walks?" It would be nice to change the subject…

"I still walk a lot," she said pleasantly. "But I'm not eating as many sandwiches as back then."

Tony nodded. She seemed to be expecting him to _verbally_ respond to that, but all he could come up with was, "Oh."

"Diet, you know. Salads are better, or so I hear." She _finally_ broke eye contact with him and looked down at her hands. "Do you… remember what we did at the top of the hill?"

"Besides walking and eating sandwiches?" He could certainly guess…

"We went to the lookout," she said, looking back up to him.

Tony opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. How, in _heaven's_ name, could he _possibly_ make this any more awkward than it already was?

He couldn't!

"I remember _exactly_ what we did at the lookout!" he said. "We just looked out across the city, watched how the buildings and cars lit up the night just like the stars in the sky. We just… sat there, looking out all night."

Jenny chewed on her bottom lip and tapped her foot a bit impatiently. Obviously that hadn't been the answer she'd been looking for. Okay, so she wanted him to hurry up and confirm that he remembered having sex with her. He glanced nervously at Pepper as he spoke. "Then, a little later, we – "

"It was daytime," she said shortly.

"…"

Oh. Well, apparently he _could _make the situation more awkward.

"The daytime… of the night?" Tony tried, for lack of anything that made more sense. _Nothing _about this conversation had made _any_ sense at all to him. Pepper shook her head frantically as she covered her mouth. She tried to get up but Tony caught her wrist and made her sit back down. There was _no way_ in **hell** that he was going to be left alone with this woman while Pepper went off to laugh about it!

Jenny swallowed and nodded, looking more than a little irritated. "Do you remember what you said to me?"

Tony sighed. "Not word for word, actually, Jenny. But I remember there were… some verbs."

She didn't seem amused by his little joke. "You said to meet you here in one year because you just needed a little time to clear your head." Her lips twisted into a bitter smile. "And you seem to have shaken all your memories of us out of your head like an Etch-A-Sketch."

He gave her another nervous smile. How drunk had he been?!? He didn't promise women things like meeting up with them after a year because he needed to think. There was never anything to think about, except who was going to occupy his bed next...

_You were a bit of a slut, weren't you, Stark?_

But he could contemplate that later. He raked his brain intensely, hoping that _something_ about Jenny would come to memory.

"We have a child."

_**And halt!**_

Tony couldn't even _blink_. Pepper seemed to stiffen beside him as well, and was no longer attempting to contain any giggles. "P-Pardon?!" Tony asked, his tone raising an octave.

"We. Have. A. _Child_."

Tony pursed his lips together. Perhaps she was seeking child support? That wasn't an outrageous request, though a little forewarning would've been nice… Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd _always_ used protection! What the _hell?!_ "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly. "Why didn't you tell me what we _really_ did on that hilltop? Are you sure it's even mine? I mean, does it look like me at all or even have my eyes?"

"Or your way with words, perhaps?!" She was outright scowling at him now. "Of course not!" she snapped. "Not at all, because we _adopted_ him! I can't _believe_ you don't remember! It was a _very_ difficult process!"

"…"

Tony gaped at her, moving his mouth but unable to form a coherent statement. He took a deep breath. He should be _relieved._ But something about this whole situation was so off that he just couldn't shake his mild terror off. Not quite yet. "Are you _sure_ that was me, Jenny?" he finally asked.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, turning away from him haughtily. "Yes, I'm pretty sure it was you, _John_."

Nearly choking on laughter, Pepper hurriedly got up again and Tony didn't even attempt to make her stay. He honestly felt like leaving too. He'd wasted moments of his _life_ trying to convince this fruit loop that he knew her! And, as it turned out, the problem was that _she_ didn't know _him!_

He calmed himself. Worse things had happened to him than a hilarious misunderstanding. Perhaps he wasn't laughing _now_, but it'd probably be funny in few hours.

"Maybe we should start over," he said gently. "I'm Tony."

She whipped around and raked him over with a careful eye. When it seemed to finally click into place for her, Jenny gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, blushing furiously. "Oh my _God_! I'm _so_ sorry!"

Well, at least she realized that she had the wrong guy. "Ah, don't worry."

"Oh, this is terrible…"

"Jenny, don't worry."

"God above, how _embarrassing!!_"

"Don't worry about it, Jenny! Actually, I'm kind of relieved." He slouched on the park bench, feeling like he'd just gotten the third degree from an FBI agent. "That kind of thing happens all the time. I've just got one of those faces, I suppose."

"So does John! He's got one of those faces as well."

"That's probably why – "

"It would make sense that I'd – "

"But I'm not…"

"So…"

"Yeah."

They shared an awkward laugh and silence before she finally got up and left. A few minutes later, Pepper came back, her face as red as her hair and her eyes blurry with tears. Her lips were tightly pursed together as she slowly resumed her seat next to him.

Tony glared at her as she tried to go back to reading, as though nothing had happened. Tony couldn't help but feel abandoned. "You don't have to worry," he said sourly. "I know you were really worried. I was worried too, but I handled it. So you don't have to worry…"

She dropped the book into her lap and tears began pouring down her cheeks as she laughed hysterically into her hands to muffle the sound.

* * *

Inspired by 'Jenny' from Flight of the Conchords. EVERY time I've read through it, I picture Sarah Chalke as Jenny. Is that weird?


	15. Happy Birthday, Tony Stark: Part 1

**Happy Birthday, Tony Stark: Part 1

* * *

**

Tony was down in his workshop, boredly watching America's Best Dance Crew. He hadn't been able to sleep the night before, despite his fatigue. Nightmares of Afghanistan woke him at least three times, in a cold sweat. He'd thought about having a glass (or three) of scotch, but he didn't want to become dependent on it for sleep as he had in the past.

So he'd come down to his workshop with the intention of working on something, but he'd been too tired to properly focus. So he turned on the TV to find that Jarvis was 'watching' ABDC. Apparently, the computer found the precise, robotic movements of the season five crew Poreotix to be intriguing to calculate, as there were very few moments where they didn't move as one. While Tony enjoyed their performances as well, he was more of a fan of Jungle Boogie. Although, Hype 5-0 was _quickly_ rising to the top of his list…

"Sir, Ms. Potts has just arrived."

"Yeah, sure, okay." He was completely engrossed in Hype 5-0's Brittany Spears routine. The two women of the group commanded all of the attention, and the kiss they shared at the end certainly boosted points in their favor …

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Pepper slammed his cup of espresso next to him on the table. "Good morning, sunshine," she said, giving him a long look up and down. "You look like you had a long night..."

"Nightmares," he replied with disinterest.

"And watching two females kissing helps?"

"It soothes the trauma a little, yes."

"Then I guess you won't be needing this espresso."

He made a quick grab for it but she'd already raised the small cup to her lips and drained the contents. He pouted, but she was unsympathetic. "What you need is a nap," she said, setting the cup aside. "So hop to it! Upstairs."

"But it's not over yet."

She glanced at the screen before switching it off and pointing to the stairs. "Royal flush danced to Cascada's 'Evacuate the Dancefloor' and Blueprint Cru got Omarion's 'I get it in'. In my opinion Royal Flush did better, but they got sent home."

"I didn't know you watched this show."

"Well now you do. Upstairs."

"Who did you vote for?"

"_Bed_, Tony!"

"Obviously it wasn't Hype 5-0..."

Pepper threw her hands up and finally leaned against the table as Tony discreetly turned the TV back on. "Do I have to drag you up there?"

"That'd be nice, but no. Just tell me who you voted for."

"Heavy Impact. Now go to bed."

"_Really?!_ I never would've guessed…"

"Tony – "

"You know, watching shows like ABDC make me want to buy a dance studio and learn how to move like that."

Pepper reached over and clicked the TV off again. "Please don't," she said in a flat tone.

"You know that I could."

"That's why I asked you not to."

"We could learn together…"

"_**Absolutely**__ not!_"

"Come on, Potts! If you and I practice hard, you, me, and Rhodey can all enter next year! But what would we call ourselves…?"

"Please be kidding."

"Something fun and fresh! How about Boogie Bots?"

"A crew already had that name in season two. And I hope you're taking into consideration the fact that most of those kids are half our age…"

"Maybe Rhodey will have some good suggestions…"

"This _has_ to be a phase. And why the hell doesn't Rhodey have to practice? I hope you're not stereotyping…"

"Not at all! He's no Michael Jackson, but after four shots and a dare from a beautiful woman, Rhodey was… I don't even know what his steps were called. Popping? Grinding? Tutting? Probably all of them. Imagine Jungle Boogie, Heavy Impact and Poreotix all in one person, albeit slightly drunk."

Pepper blinked hard. "Wow," she said, a bit breathlessly.

"Pepper?"

No response.

"Imagining how sexy that would be?" A giddy laugh escaped her lips and Tony glared at her. "_**Pepper!!**_"

Her act fell immediately and the jealousy that had started bubbling in Tony's gut simmered. "Oh, relax," she said, lifting a brow. "Maybe I'd stop if you _went to bed_."

Tony stood with a heavy sigh and made his way to the door of the workshop and up to his room. "Fine. Tuck me in?"

"Has hell frozen over?"

"You could read me a story. I keep a copy of 'A Study in Scarlet' on the bottom shelf of – why are we in the kitchen?"

"For this!" She gestured to a small box that was wrapped in plain brown paper, much like the Mark I had been. She wasn't one for flashy wrapping paper, as it was just going to get ripped and thrown away as soon as the present inside had been discovered. And besides, her gifts were always so thoughtful that they didn't need all the flashy wrapping paper.

Tony didn't mind, but he couldn't help but wonder why he was getting a present in the first place. He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. "Fishing for a raise?" he asked with a smirk.

"Are you kidding?" He frowned, not understanding. She shook her head and started laughing. "You really _can't_ survive without me! You don't know what day it is, do you?"

"Thursday?"

"And…?"

Tony chewed on the inside of his lip thoughtfully. "Um... Clash of the Titans comes out tomorrow, doesn't it?"

"Wow, Tony..."

He clapped. "Oh, I know; American Idol results!"

"Your _birthday?!_"

"Is it?" Tony did some quick calculating, his eyebrows rising to his hair line when he realized that she was right. "So it is! And this is my present?"

She beamed at him. "It is, and I think you should open it before you go take your nap."

"I think I will." He did just that and found a small velvet bag inside. He picked the bag up, finding it to be much heavier that it looked. Curiosity seized him as he opened the bag and pulled out…

A perfectly square rock.

He glanced up at her. "Thank you?"

Pepper rolled her eyes. "Read the bag."

He flipped it over. Written in silver thread were the words 'Whiskey Stones'. Tony grinned. "So I don't have to take God's ice cubes anymore?"

She blushed. "Just toss them in the freezer for a few hours and their as good as ice cubes. Better, since they don't melt. I didn't know if you'd remember that story, but when I saw them I couldn't resist."

"Of course I remember," he said, placing the stone inside the bag and setting it aside on the counter. "But I think I deserve a little something more."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that so?"

"As a matter of fact, it is. I haven't received cake – cup or otherwise – "

"Nor will you, as sugar won't help you fall asleep..."

"... and you didn't sing for me..."

"Because I _don't_ sing."

"My point exactly. So..." He leaned forward gave her a sexy smirk. "How about a kiss?"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**


	16. Happy Birthday, Tony Stark: Part 2

**Happy Birthday, Tony Stark: Part 2

* * *

**

_"__... and you didn't sing for me..."_

_"Because I _don't_ sing."_

_"__My point exactly. So…" He leaned forward and gave her a sexy smirk. "How about a kiss?"_

Pepper pursed her lips together, staring at him for a long moment. "You're not kidding even a little, are you?"

"Nope. It's what I would've wished for if I'd gotten to blow out a candle…"

"I think you're tired, and I think you need rest."

"I think _you_ are chicken."

Pepper rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm rubber and you're glue…"

"One kiss and I'll do whatever you want for the next week."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"There's only one way to find out."

She sighed heavily, slowly leaning forward, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "There. Now shoo!"

"That was a peck; I said I wanted a kiss."

"A technicality, really," she answered, mimicking his tone of voice _perfectly_. "A peck is a _type_ of kiss, and it felt like a kiss to _me_…"

"Don't tease me Potts."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow at that. "You don't _know_ what it means to be teased by me, Tony Stark."

A chill of excitement ran up Tony's spine. Of all the things he'd expected her to say, that was _not_ it. Was she feeling as daring as he was? Or was she perhaps picking up on the sexual charge that seemed to permeate the air whenever they were in a room together? Whatever the reason, it was clear that they'd just stepped over some kind of invisible line.

And Tony wasn't at all eager to step back. How long had he gone without sex? The night before he'd been abducted in Afghanistan – the blonde… photographer? Reporter? That had been well over a year ago. He hadn't even _dated_ since then! Besides that Super Bowl party, he hadn't even been _kissed_ since a year ago!

And he wouldn't have it any other way. This was all for Pepper. He hadn't been ready for her back then. Perhaps he still wasn't ready for her – or even worthy. But dammit if he wasn't trying his hardest to be worthy of her! He knew that he still had a long way to go, but the tone and hinted promise in her previous statement gave him hope that he was at least making progress.

Not to mention that her tone was doing _dangerous_ things to his libido. "Would a demonstration hurt?" he asked hopefully.

She suddenly looked unsure as she gave him a cautious once over. _No, no, __**NO**__,_ he screamed in his mind. He stepped up to her, looking intensely into her eyes. He wasn't quite pleading, but he was sure that she sensed the ache in his chest that he was feeling so acutely. She _had _to know how much he wanted her. _Only _her.

Her entire expression seemed to change when she made her decision, turning from cautious to curious. She placed a gentle hand on his arc reactor and looked _deep_ into his eyes. So deep that he watched her pupils dilate right before his eyes. She wanted to kiss him just as much as he wanted her to.

Leaning forward slowly, she gave his lips a whisper soft brush with her own. Amazing, how a touch that soft shut his mind off completely and turned his entire skeleton to jelly.

"You're cheating," he whispered raggedly.

"I'm teasing," she replied, her voice surprisingly calm.

"That's what I said."

"That's what you _meant_." She brushed her lips against his again.

"So stop."

"Cheating or teasing?"

"Cheating _and_ teasing!"

Pepper did it yet again, and his knees nearly buckled out from under him. "You wanted it."

"I wanted a _kiss_," he moaned.

Her tongue darted out of her lips and touched his for a heated instant. "Then take one," she hissed.

He raked his fingers through her long hair with deadly precision and pulled her into a full on kiss. He kissed her heavily and slowly, as though they had nothing but time to waste. His heart was about ready to explode, his lungs refused to work properly, and Tony 'I am Iron Man, Billionaire Playboy of the Year' Stark _actually_ got butterflies in his stomach.

She moved her lips experimentally against his and his eyes rolled back in his head. He pushed himself closer to her, and she backed into the kitchen counter, a groan making her chest vibrate against his. He was practically grinding his hips into hers, but it _still_ wasn't close enough for him. She threaded her fingers through his hair and tugged gently, trying to pull herself up to his level. In answer he broke their kiss, quickly leaning down to hoist her onto the counter.

But when he returned for another kiss, he froze. She was staring at him, wide eyed like a deer in the headlights. Yes, she was panting softly; yes, she looked like she wanted to continue; but it was too late to continue. The damage was done.

"Whoops," she said softly.

Tony nodded slowly. "That about sums it up."

They stared at each other for a long moment before Pepper gingerly slid herself off of the counter and straightened her clothing. She avoided his eyes initially, but after taking a few steps back and some deep breaths she finally looked up at him.

"This is nothing like what happened at Rhodey's house," she told him in a quite tone. "We can't just shrug it off and say that _that_ didn't happen."

"I haven't been telling myself that the Super Bowl didn't happen, nor am I interested in pretending that _that_ didn't happen."

"So… we agree that we won't pretend that that didn't happen."

"There we go. Problem solved."

She huffed and shook her head, looking away. "This isn't funny, Tony. _That_ was not funny."

"Do I look like I'm laughing?"

"No! You look like you want to go at it again!"

Tony remained silent, chewing on the corner of his lip guiltily. She turned back to him and gave him a horrified look. "Oh, _hell_ no!" she gasped. "How could I have… I can't _believe _I fell for that!"

"_Stop_ it, Virginia!" he said fiercely, scowling at her. "I didn't play any tricks on you, and you know it! I didn't manipulate you in any way, shape, or form! And don't you _dare_ consider yourself to be one of the many women that've fallen for my charms! You're the only woman that seems to be immune to them! And I know you well enough to know that you didn't fall for a damn thing just now. If you fell for _anything_, you fell for me!"

She glared at him heatedly…

But said nothing.

Tony felt his anger drop in an instant. "What? You love me right now?" _Real articulate, __**dumbass!**_

"I should go."

She made for the door, but Tony quickly blocked her way. "Don't do this Pepper," he pleaded. "This isn't something that we should run away from."

She looked around her, avoiding Tony's eyes. He almost heard the gears in her head furiously turning. "Fine," she said finally. "We can talk about this. But not now. I have a lot to get done today…"

"Like a letter of resignation?" he accused, his anger slowly creeping back.

"Among other things," she snapped back.

"That would be running from the situation."

"Or, maybe, it would be bowing out gracefully before everything blows up _right_ in my face!" The raw intensity of her words shocked Tony. Did she truly think that she meant so little to him? That he'd get bored with her and kick her to the curb like he had so many other women? Did she foresee too many complications if they tried to make something work between them?

Or was she only worried about her job and getting a horrible reference?

Tony swallowed hard, hoping that the latter wasn't the case. "Ms. Potts," he said softly, tilting her chin up to make her look at him. "Pepper, I assure you that your job is the least of your worries. Nothing is at stake but my heart."

He stepped aside to allow her to leave, and she only stared at him for a beat longer before sliding past him and out of his house. He flinched when the front door slammed behind her.

"Happy birthday, Tony," he muttered to himself as he made his way up to his bedroom. He'd promised to do what she wanted if she gave him a kiss; she'd given him a kiss, and she'd wanted him to get some sleep. Her wish was his command.

* * *

Last chapter was inspired by last weeks ABDC results, and this chapter was inspired by my love of angst.


	17. World Of Jarvis

**World Of Jarvis

* * *

**

Mr. Stark had been sitting in his workshop, staring at the computer screen ever since Ms. Potts' emotional departure. That had been approximately sixteen hours and twenty-two minutes ago.

Jarvis had kept silent for the most part, speaking only when Mr. Stark required it of the system. According to the data that Jarvis had obtained regarding emotions, it could accurately estimate that Mr. Stark was feeling upset. He'd been talking on and off to Colonel Rhodes in those sixteen hours, boredly watching old Star Trek episodes in between. Col. Rhodes had been trying to 'cheer Tony up' with what Mr. Stark was calling 'annoying pep talk' that didn't seem to be helping.

That, however, wasn't stopping Col. Rhodes from trying.

"Sir," Jarvis' smooth voice rang through the workshop, "Col. Rhodes is on the phone for you again."

Tony's mouth twitched indifferently. "That's not exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted you to be more specific when Rhodey called."

"My apologies, sir," Jarvis said. The computer paused for only an instant before processing a statement that might shift Mr. Stark's mood, however slightly. "Perhaps I should try again. Excuse me, sir, but I believe Col. Rhodes is endeavoring to contact you telephonically for the eighteenth time in approximately nine hundred and eighty-two minutes. Shall I tell him to 'fuck off'?"

Mr. Stark snorted and chuckled quietly, a subdued smile playing across his face. "As long as I live, Jarvis, I don't think I'll ever regret programming you with sarcasm. Put him on speaker."

"Very good, sir."

_"Stark?"_

"What is it this time, Rhodes? I've told you that I don't want to go out drinking, nor do I want to stay in and drink, _nor_ do I want to stay in and drink with you while watching the Notebook."

_"Actually, I was more in the mood for Police Academy 4."_

"Go to hell."

_"Or maybe something like - but not necessarily - Schindler's List."_

"Go. To. _Hell._"

_"That's not what I called for, though. I've got an idea!"_

"Don't hurt yourself," Mr. Stark muttered.

_"Kick rocks,"_ Col. Rhodes said flatly. _"Back to business: who's Pepper's best friend, besides you?"_

Mr. Stark frowned. "I don't know. She might still be friends with that football player that she dated in high school – the one from the Super Bowl. And I think she mentioned that she had a friend that lived in Ohio. And then there's you… Why does it matter?"

_"Think about this: you want to know if Pepper loves you. Who would know that information? A best friend, right?"_

"What makes you think that she'd tell her friend even _if_ she loved me?"

_"It's what friends are for. You told me that you loved Pepper."_

"I said no such thing."

_"Fine. You told me what happened, and I know you well enough to know that you're in love with her. You've been in love with her for years, you just didn't know it. My point is this – if Pepper could prove to me that she loved you, and I knew that you loved her, I'd tell her that she should go for it. Since I know Pepper, she wouldn't have to try very hard to convince me that she loved you…"_

"What is this metaphor going to be when it grows up?"

_"Find out who Pepper's best friend is. Talk to her (or him) and try to find out if Pepper loves you or if you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of being with her."_

Mr. Stark stared off into the distance, a look that Jarvis recognized as deep thought.

_"Jarvis, tell him what a good idea this is,"_ Col. Rhodes said tiredly.

"It is a gross invasion of Ms. Potts privacy, sir," the computer reported, "But Col. Rhodes' logic in gathering information from a third party that is emotionally close to Ms. Potts is sound. It would be wise to note that, if the third party is so emotionally close to Ms. Potts that they know the intimate details of her life, they will be fiercely loyal to her. As such, the friend may refuse to disclose information about Ms. Potts."

"So I guess it'll take every ounce of my not-inconsiderable experience to persuade this friend of Pepper's that I really do love her."

_"That right there – __**that**__ was you admitting that you're in love with Pepper."_

"I don't have to admit to anything."

_"Whatever, Stark."_

"Indeed, sir," Jarvis said, ignoring the side conversation of the humans. "In addition to that, the odds of Ms. Potts appreciating you talking to one of her friends about this issue instead of approaching her directly…"

"We don't need the odds, Jarvis. I think I like Rhodey's plan!"

The computer kept silent, already calculating excuses to give to Ms. Potts in the event that she asked why it hadn't been able to talk Mr. Stark and Col. Rhodes out of this asinine plan.

It also considered the pros and cons of repeating Ms. Potts departing remark, but emotions were harder for the AI to calculate and make perfect sense of. Jarvis looked through the footage again without supplying audio or visual to the humans.

"**Ms. Potts - Pepper, I assure you that your job is the least of your worries. Nothing is at stake but my heart."**

Ms. Potts had walked past him and out of the mansion, slamming the front door. With the external cameras, Jarvis had 'watched' Ms. Potts lean against the front door and move her mouth. Zooming in, he could calculate that the words she'd spoken to herself had been, **"Why can't you realize that my heart has always been at stake, Tony."**

The biggest justification for not showing Mr. Stark what she'd said was the fact that, if she'd meant for him to hear her statement, she would've told him in the first place. And Jarvis was as fond of Ms. Potts as a computer could be, as she always requested Jarvis' assistance rather than demanding it.

The women that Mr. Stark used to keep company with had tried making outrageous demands of the computer, but Ms. Potts had always been perfectly polite and usually relied on Jarvis only as a last resort. Also, Ms. Potts put Mr. Stark in a good mood all the time. The more promiscuous women that Mr. Stark used to keep company with had only occupied his attention for a few hours. Even by a computer's estimation, Ms. Potts was the better choice.

Jarvis could calculate several outcomes of what might happen if it were to tell Mr. Stark what she'd said, and most of them ended with Ms. Potts pointedly ignoring that the computer existed for a long period of time. That was unsatisfactory, so Jarvis decided that Ms. Potts' private moment would remain just that: private.

But that wasn't necessarily guaranteed to save the computer from Ms. Potts' wrath, and Mr. Stark – it seemed – didn't fancy 'cutting Jarvis a break', as humans liked to say.

"I don't want you warning Pepper about this, Jarvis," Mr. Stark told the computer. "Don't lie to her if she asks about it, but don't tell her anything either. Tell her that it's classified, and disable any and all overrides she may have concerning obtaining that information."

"As you wish, sir," Jarvis responded, doing just that. While Mr. Stark and Col. Rhodes continued their conversation, Jarvis began scanning Ms. Potts' internet activity and phone activity, knowing that Mr. Stark expected it of the computer. It sifted through emails with lightning speed, and searched through repeated calls and texts at the same time. After about twenty-seven seconds of searching, Jarvis found what it was looking for. Eight more seconds of discreetly running the number through a government database gave Jarvis a name and location.

"Sir…"

"You found something!" Mr. Stark shouted, sounding in much better spirits. "Let's have it!"

"Very well, sir. It appears that the person that Ms. Potts converses with most on her cellular device is a Kelsey Raker. Raker resides in Cincinnati, Ohio, and Ms. Potts makes frequent calls, texts, and even makes trips to Ohio to visit the Raker family."

_"This woman is a good friend of hers?"_ Col. Rhodes asked.

"This month alone, the minutes that they've conversed totals over two hundred minutes and they've sent each other well over seven hundred texts."

Col. Rhodes whistled and Mr. Stark's eyes widened. _"I think we have a winner,"_ Col. Rhodes commented. _"Now what you have to do is go talk to her face to face. Much more personal than doing it over the phone."_

"Beautiful," Mr. Stark declared, rubbing his hands together and getting up. "Thanks Platypus. I hope you know that I'll be blaming you if this doesn't work."

"_I'd do the same to you."_

"Cool, I'll tell you how it goes. Jarvis, get her address and give the information to my pilot. Looks like I'm spending the weekend in Ohio."

"Very good, sir," the computer said as it ended the connection to Col. Rhodes phone. Mr. Stark looked like he was back to his normal self as he got into one of his numerous shiny cars.

"Have a fun weekend playing Warcraft, Jarvis," Mr. Stark said as his car roared to life and peeled out of the garage.

Jarvis quickly hacked into the satellite system to give itself a radio signal to offer Mr. Stark a departing reply. "Have a good trip rooting through Ms. Potts personal life, sir."

* * *

So many references... I'm sure you recognized most of them... But, for the most part, this chapter was inspired by 'Toothpaste For Dinner' webcomics.


	18. Falling Into Place?

**Falling Into Place?

* * *

**

Pepper had chosen not to answer her cell phone the night before when it had started ringing. Instead, she'd stared at it, almost one hundred percent sure that it was Tony. But it had been too soon to deal with him, so she'd turned her phone off and put the whole situation out of her mind. She'd felt terrible about leaving the way she had, but she couldn't go back in time and change it.

Even now, a day and a half later, she still wasn't sure what she would've said to him if she'd picked up the phone. How _could_ she respond to what he'd said? By saying that his heart was at stake, did he mean that he loved her?

It hurt to think that he may have meant it that way, because…

_Because __**what**__, Pepper?_

Because he was incapable of love? That was absolutely not true. Tony could be a very loving person.

Was it because she worried that he only _thought_ he was in love with her? A little bit… as far as she knew, Tony had never truly been in love with a woman. How could he know that he loved her?

Maybe he was only in love with the _idea_ of her. Finding that out the hard way would hurt too much.

She'd liked him for a long time. But recently… She replayed his words. Had she _finally _fallen in love with her boss? She couldn't escape the feeling that he was _trying_ for her; trying to show her that he cared about her, trying to prove that he'd changed for the better, and trying to stay that way. He'd made himself vulnerable to her, and she'd denied him in the worst way. She could've at least let him know that she wasn't mad at him, but rather at herself.

Tears of frustration began blurring her vision, but Pepper blinked them back. She wasn't like this! She figured problems out, fast. She hadn't crumbled when he'd announced that he was Iron Man. She didn't flinch when she was under scrutiny by the media. She hardly broke a sweat when she had half an hour to plan out the next month of his schedule.

But it was painfully obvious that Tony was her weak spot. She flinched when she saw the bruises he got from his missions. She'd cried herself to sleep nearly every night when he'd been abducted, sick with worry that he was being tortured while she was lying in her comfortable bed. Even now she felt like she wanted to cry because she knew that Tony was upset about what had happened after that kiss.

But she didn't (wouldn't) let the tears spill over. She didn't deserve to cry. Not this time. This was her fault. She'd do what she always did when she made a mistake – fix it.

She reached for her phone and turned it on, ready to face the problem. She waited patiently for it to load and saw that she had an unheard message and a missed call from…

Jarvis?

Pepper frowned as she dialed her voicemail. _"Ms. Potts, Mr. Stark has requested that I inform you that he is absent from his house on a private trip and isn't expected to return until Sunday night. I feel I should inform you ahead of time that Mr. Stark has requested that information regarding his absence is classified, and all of your overrides have been disabled concerning this information. My apologies, Ms. Potts. I sincerely hope that you have a nice weekend."_

Pepper gave her phone a funny look as she hung up. As sarcastic as the computer was to Tony, Jarvis was always very sweet to Pepper. Sometimes it surprised her, and she had to wonder if the AI really did like her or if perhaps it was picking up on Tony's feelings for her…

So what the hell was so important that Tony couldn't tell her what it was? It couldn't be a mission, because he always told her at least where he was going on his missions. And Jarvis had said that it was a private trip. She sighed heavily. She couldn't blame him for wanting to get away from her for the weekend. After stomping on his heart like she had, she could admit that she deserved it.

She needed advice. _Bad_.

Pepper speed dialed two and waited only three rings until the phone was answered. _"You've got some timing, Pepper._"

"I'm sorry Kel. Is this a bad time?"

She heard something crash and break and a loud curse on the other end of the phone. Kelsey groaned. _"Bad timing? No. I'm not sure it's ideal either, though. Olivia! What in the hell?!"_

_"Someone knocked at the door,"_ a teenaged girl answered.

_"And?"_

_"It freaked me out."_

_"You have the jitters because of all that Starbucks you drink. You may look cool for the ten minutes that you're drinking it, but then _this_ happens! Clean that up quick and go answer the door, please. And Pepper says hi."_

_"Pepper!!"_

Kelsey and Pepper laughed. "I caught that, Kel. Do you want me to call back?"

_"I need thirty minutes. Stacy will kill me if I don't get this done before she gets home."_

"Thirty minutes it is. And tell Stacy I say hi too." Pepper hung up and nodded to herself in determination. She could wait. They really needed to talk. Of all Pepper's friends, Kelsey was the only one she could trust with this.

**

Tony sighed heavily as he stood at the front door of a nice looking suburban home. He'd double and triple checked the address so as not to make a fool of himself, and he hoped that he was ready to make a good impression on Pepper's best friend. He'd decided against a suit in favor of clean jeans and a nice gray button down shirt. Not too formal, not too casual.

He knocked on the door and heard a loud crash and cursing on the other side of the door. He flinched, but stood his ground. He waited for a minute or two before the door slowly swung open, revealing a girl that didn't look to be more than fifteen years old.

She said nothing, only gave him a long look up and down and waited for him to speak. Tony pasted a smile on, unsure of why he was nervous about simply visiting Pepper's friend. "Hi. Does a Kelsey Raker live here, by chance?"

The girl huffed boredly and swung the door open for Tony to enter. "Dad!"

Tony stepped in and paused as he closed the door. "I'm sorry ma'am, but I was looking for _Kelsey_ Raker. Your mother perhaps?"

The girl placed a hand on her hip and turned to Tony. "I'm fifteen, hardly a ma'am. And my mom isn't home."

Tony pursed his lips together, nodding. "Should I come back another time?"

"I thought you wanted Kelsey."

"You said she isn't home."

The girl rolled her eyes again. "My mom is _Stacy_."

Tony blinked hard, unsure if he was hearing correctly. "Your _father_ is Kelsey?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. Like Kelsey Grammer."

* * *

I just thought I'd give everyone a heads up mention that I'm going out of town to help my grandparents and I'm not sure how long I'm going to be there with them. I'm thinking that it MIGHT be for around two weeks… I'll still be writing, but I highly doubt that I'll be able to post. If I get the chance, I promise to sneak over to the local library and post something. Until then…


	19. Falling Out Of Place?

**Falling Out Of Place?

* * *

**

Tony swore loudly in his mind, but kept his face perfectly smooth so as not to alarm the teenager. Jarvis had probably known all along, damn computer! It had probably left out that fun fact on purpose! _I oughtta burn its circuits piece by piece!!_

Tony had never met a man named Kelsey, but – as the girl had mentioned – Kelsey Grammer was indeed a man, and his name was Kelsey.

"Mostly he goes by Kel," she said with a bored expression. "Like Kel Mitchell." Tony gave her a blank look. "From Kenan and Kel?"

He still wasn't getting it. She rolled her eyes. "No one appreciates good television from the 90's," she muttered. "Sucks that I have to keep using celebrities as examples, but those are the only references that seem to make sense to people. And I obviously need to use those references because you obviously don't know my parents." The teenaged girl gave him a long look up and down. "You're not from the government, are you?"

Tony smirked. "No, not at all. I'm a friend of one of your father's friends." _Apparently…_

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "A friend of a friend, huh? Which friend?"

"Virginia Potts."

"Who's here, Olivia," a masculine voice – Kel, most likely – asked from around a corner.

"Friend of Pepper's," she told her father.

"My name is Tony Stark," he added.

She frowned at Tony for a long moment before her eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Oh my – "

"Liv!" Kel rounded the corner and frowned at the girl. "Don't you have some homework to do?"

"I… but he's…" She tried grasping at more words without much success, and Tony could only smile. Honestly, he didn't mind if she stayed. Her advice could be just as useful as the advice that he got from Pepper's best friend.

But Kel seemed to have other ideas. "Take a hint, kid. Go help your brother with his homework and there'll be a ten dollar bonus in your allowance."

At that, she rounded on her father. "Twenty."

"Fifteen."

"Done." She looked almost wistfully in Tony's direction before disappearing up the staircase. A door above them slammed and Kel chuckled as he shook his head. "Sorry about that, man. My both of my kids are kind of crazy about you, and Pepper tells us all kinds of stories that've only fueled that fire."

Tony shook his head. "That's fine. I'm sure your children are charming young…"

"_Tony Stark?!"_ A loud crash nearly shook the ceiling and a dog started barking. _"Like __**IRON MAN**__ Tony Stark?!?"_

Kel winced. "Thank God there's only one of each," he muttered as he turned and disappeared around the corner. "Come on in. You want something to drink? You're S.O.L. if you want scotch, but we have enough energy drinks and Vitamin Water to build Rome in a day."

Tony smirked. "I don't need anything, thanks. I can't imagine who might've told you my drink of choice."

He nodded and laughed. "You liked the whiskey stones, ri – ? Oh, _shit_! When was your birthday?!"

"It was yesterday, don't worry about it. And they were great, but…" Tony smiled tightly. "You haven't talked to Pepper yet, have you?"

He frowned. "No, I haven't. You can call me Kel, by the way. She called a few minutes ago but I told her I'd call back in a half hour. Why, what happened? She didn't… _say_ anything, did she?"

Tony pursed his lips together. "What would she have said?"

Kel winced, shaking his head. "Forget I said that. So what did she do?"

Tony felt himself scowling. "Why would you assume that it was _her_ fault?"

"I didn't say it was her fault. I asked what she did, implying that she might be the reason that your birthday wasn't ideal."

"Some would call that placing _blame_, which is another word for _fault_."

Kel rolled his eyes. "Okay, you win. But I know it was something that Pepper did because Pepper has a habit of running away when things get to be too real for her."

"And you know this because…?"

"She ran away when I asked her to marry me. Literally."

Tony blinked. "Pardon?!"

Pepper strummed her fingers boredly. It'd been over an hour and a half since she'd last spoken to Kel, and she was getting irritated. It was absolutely possible that Stacy was yelling at him for whatever reason at the moment, but Pepper knew that she wasn't the type to do that for more than ten minutes before getting bored with it and moving on. Kel was exactly the same, which was probably why they worked so well together.

Her mind drifted back to Tony, wondering for the hundredth time where the hell he could be that was so secret that he wouldn't tell her. Jarvis was forbidden to tell, but would Tony cover all of his tracks?

"Knowing him? No."

Pepper boredly flipped through the channels, stopping to watch an old episode of South Park. She _really _wanted to talk to Kel, but it seemed that he was too busy for her at the moment. Or perhaps he'd gotten sidetracked with something else. That was also quite possible. Tony was much the same in that respect…

She sighed heavily and picked up the phone as she muted the TV. If she didn't talk to Kel about this soon, she'd keep thinking about Tony until her head exploded!

Kel and Tony sat at the kitchen table as Kel rehashed his first date with Pepper. "I was _not_ on my game that night," he said with a laugh. "I seriously thought that _nothing_ could've made it worse. But then I thought, 'you know, what the hell? Why not go for it?' So as we were getting ready to leave, I said, real smooth, 'Your place or mine?' "

Tony laughed too. He could only imagine how Pepper would've taken that.

"She looked me dead in the eye and said, 'How about both; you go to your place and I'll go to mine.' I was hooked from then on."

Tony chuckled. "It'd be hard not to be," he agreed.

"Anyway, we dated for about a year and a half, and I really thought that I wanted to marry her. So I bought a ring, took her to dinner… I was so tense that I dropped the ring box on the floor as I was about to ask. I bent down to pick it up and when I sat upright again she was gone, just that quick."

Tony winced. Pepper didn't seem to be the kind of woman that would leave someone high and dry like that, but it had been over sixteen years ago. People could change. Hell, Tony had changed almost his entire way of looking at the world in the span of three months. Sixteen years was enough time for a gradual change.

"I didn't talk to her for almost eight years," Kel continued, "and then I get this call from her out of the blue and she wants to come and see me. I was married, had a daughter, and a son, and I was happy. And I was scared to death that she wanted to get back together. I was sweating bullets through the entire lunch, and I didn't really notice that she seemed a little tense too.

"When we finally got to talking, I told her about my family and I finally asked if she was hoping to get back together. She said hell no, I said I didn't either, and just like that we got our friendship back." Kel smiled knowingly. "But I had to ask why she'd suddenly wanted to speak to me again.

"Low and behold, she launched into this story about her new job and her asinine boss that was driving her up the wall. I told her to quit but she insisted that you weren't a lost cause."

Tony found himself smiling too. That sounded like something that Pepper would say.

"Jekyll, _NO_," someone screeched. The floor shook and a blur of yellow flashed down the stairs and threw itself at Tony. He went to the ground, along with the chair he'd been sitting in. The air was knocked out of his lungs, and he couldn't get it back because the beast was standing on his chest, sniffing every inch of him. He shoved the dog and it got off and stood beside him, wagging its tail so hard that its entire backend wiggled.

More hurried footsteps could be heard as Tony sat up and gasped for air. Liv and a boy that looked maybe a year or two younger than her appeared at the dog's side. Liv stepped forward first and tugged the excited dog back. "Bad dog, Jekyll," she said. "You say sorry."

A high pitched whine rose from the dog's throat and it hung its head low, looking up at Tony with sad eyes.

"Good boy. Now say hi."

Brightening, the dog barked once and offered its paw to shake. Tony chuckled as he shook the dog's paw and patted its _very_ large, square head. "Hi Jekyll."

"I'm sorry," Kel said, glaring at the dog. "Jekyll thinks everyone is his playmate."

Tony shook it off with a smile. "He's a dog. Everyone _is_ his playmate. Yellow lab?"

"Yeah," the boy said, eyeing Tony with than expression that seemed purposefully detached. He'd obviously been the source of the shouting upstairs. "And that one is Jekyll's brother Hyde. He's a black lab, and a _real_ dog."

Liv rolled her eyes at her brother. "Being cranky and fat doesn't make Hyde a real dog."

"Liv, why don't you take the dogs outside to get some exercise," Kel said, pointing to the screen door that led outside.

Liv scowled. "Why doesn't Calvin have to go?"

"Because Calvin is going to do the dishes and because he isn't gawking at our guest like he's the second coming. Scram. Go answer the phone before you hit those dishes, Cal."

"As you wish, my liege," Calvin said boredly as he answered the phone. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. … Oh, hi Pepper. … He probably _did_ forget about you. … Naw, he's right here talking to – "

Kel nearly ran over the dogs as he scrambled for the phone, snatching it away from Calvin. "Hi, Pepper. I'd let you talk to him longer but he's grounded. … Yeah, he mouthed off to a teacher or something again. Get back to your room, young man!"

Calvin narrowed his eyes at his father. 'I'll expect payment,' he mouthed to his father.

Kel pointed to the dishes as he continued talking and Calvin quickly slipped outside with his sister and dogs. When everything was quiet, Kel pointed to the phone and Tony nodded. Kel put the phone on speaker as he spoke. "So what are you going to do about it?"

Pepper sighed heavily. _"Hell if I know. I guess I just feel weird about how I walked out on him. I don't know what's wrong with me."_

Kel rolled his eyes. "It's called guilt, you Vulcan."

Pepper chuckled lightly. _"What makes you think that it was _**my**_ fault?"_

He huffed. "I didn't say that it was your fault. I implied that you might be the reason that his birthday was less than ideal yesterday."

She paused. _"I never told you that his birthday was yesterday,"_ she said flatly.

Kel swallowed hard. "A-Are you sure? I could have _sworn_ you just said – "

_"__I never told you that any of this took place on his birthday either. Or yesterday, for that matter."_

Kel and Tony slowly looked at each other, wearing the same expression. One that clearly said, 'Oh shit.' "Lucky guess?"

The phone clicked, signaling the end of the connection.

Pepper scowled at her phone. She didn't want to believe that he'd called Kel – or worse, had actually gone to Cincinnati – but how else would Kel have known that yesterday had been Tony's birthday?

There were three ways to go about this: ask Tony, ask Jarvis, or leave it alone. There was no way in hell that she was going to leave it alone, and it was a good bet that Tony would probably feed her all kinds of bullshit… But Jarvis…

She frowned thoughtfully. In addition to being ordered not to tell her anything to do with Tony's absence, Jarvis had probably been told not to lie to her either. Tony didn't mind fabricating fantastical stories that were very obviously false, but he rarely told a lie that could be believed. Therefore – at least, in Pepper's eyes – he didn't lie.

So, theoretically, if she made a blatant accusation that was correct, Jarvis would be unable to confirm it, as Tony had told the computer not to. Nor would it be able to deny the accusation, as that would be lying.

She picked up her phone and dialed Jarvis. The computer picked up after half a ring. _"Good afternoon, Ms. Potts."_

"Good afternoon, Jarvis," she said hurriedly, shaking a magazine as though she was rapidly rifling through papers. "I'm sorry to bother you but I really need an address. I've been looking everywhere and I can't find it. I can't _believe_ I misplaced such important information! I need the address of Mr. Raker."

_"__Sixty-two, thirty-four, two and a half street southwest, Cincinnati, Ohio, four-five-two-one-one, Ms. Potts."_

**Bingo!** "You don't need a first name?"

Silence.

"I mean, I know that Raker isn't the most popular name out there, but I'm sure even you can understand that there's probably more than one family in America with that name."

Silence.

Despite how angry she was with Tony, Pepper couldn't help smirking. "No offense Jarvis, but it feels kind of good to outsmart Tony Stark's computer."

_"__Outwit, Ms. Potts. There's a difference."_

The computer hung up and Pepper did the same. Yes, she was pissed, but she'd deal with it tomorrow. She turned up the volume just as the theme song for Scrubs began playing. "Just you wait, Tony," she muttered darkly.

Tony's phone loudly vibrated in his pocket and he took it out, looking over the text. It read simply 'She knows, sir'. He pinched the bridge of his nose. _Dammit!_

"What's up?" Tony tossed his phone to Kel, who caught it easily. He read the message, then frowned at Tony. "Who's Jarvis? Old boyfriend?"

Tony shook his head slowly. "Worse. My computer."


	20. Plane Crash: Part 1

**Plane Crash: Part 1

* * *

**

On his way back to Malibu, Tony had received a call from an angry Rhodey, telling him to pick him up in Beaumont, Texas, of all places. It was a little out of the way, but Tony didn't mind company on the way back. And the fact that it delayed facing Pepper's wrath was icing on the cake.

So there he stood, smiling wide at Rhodey as he climbed aboard the jet. He looked immensely sour, and Tony knew without a doubt that he was in for a good story.

He nodded to the pilot when Rhodey was situated and waited until they'd been in the air for about five minutes before the suspense got to him. "So…?

Rhodey stared at him blankly. "So, what?"

"So what happened? Not that I mind you hitching a ride back to California on my private jet, but you've never asked for a favor quite like this."

"I'm not a leech."

"Never said you were. I just asked what happened."

Rhodey growled low in the back of his throat. "I almost died."

"That's a bit melodramatic, wouldn't you say?"

"Okay, fine. I didn't almost die. I didn't even really get hurt. This is what happened: first of all, my original flight was from Beaumont to Houston because either my commanding officer wants to mess with me or he doesn't own a goddamn globe. I was on a plane _that_ big." He held up his thumb and index finger, roughly and two inches apart. "Like a pack of gum with eight people in it!"

Tony bit back a snicker. He could guess that these exaggerations were only the beginning. Rhodey leaned his head back in his chair, getting comfortable.

"So we took off from the Beaumont Airport, Hair Care, and Tire Center" – Tony could only assume that he meant the small airport that had looked more like a Kinko's – "and we were traveling at half the speed of _smell_! We got passed by a _kite_… there was a goose behind us and the pilot started screaming, 'Go around'…"

Tony snorted, but otherwise remained silent.

"We only get halfway to Houston and we have to turn around. It's a nine minute flight, but I guess they can't pull it off with their equipment. We lost some oil pressure in one of the engines and they told us about it over the speaker system of the plane. Which was stupid, because they could've just turned around and said it in a regular indoor voice. We would've heard just fine. So after that announcement, everyone started getting nervous."

Tony smirked. "Everyone except you."

"Everyone except me," Rhodey agreed. "I'd been drinking since lunch so I was saying, 'Take it down, I don't care'."

"Atta boy!" Tony cheered with a wide smile. "How about another?"

He waved a glass of brandy under Rhodey's nose and the other man snatched it without hesitation. "It's just been one of those days," he said as he took a healthy swig. "And I'll tell you exactly how drunk and ticked off I was - well, still _am_; I actually leaned forward and said to the pilot, 'Hit something hard. I don't feel like limping away from this shit'. And the guy sitting right next to me was losing his damn mind. _Apparently_, he had _a lot_ to live for. This guy had the jitters, the shakes, his eyes were bugging out… He turned to me and said, 'Hey man, if one of these engines fails, how far will the other one take us'?"

Tony stopped drinking and carefully set his glass aside. He didn't feel like spitting and spilling scotch all over his suit. Not again, not today. "So what did you tell him?"

"What _can_ you say to someone when they ask you a question that stupid? I looked him dead in the eye and said, 'All the way to the scene of the crash, which is pretty handy, because that's where we're headed'!" As he'd expected, Tony laughed so hard that he doubled over and was rolling on the floor of the jet. " 'Hell, I bet we beat the paramedics there by a half hour'," Rhodey continued. " 'We're hauling ass'!"

Tony gasped between laughs. "How much of… that story… was actually… true?"

Rhodey shrugged. "Someone would have to read it back to me." When Tony's tears and laughter subsided, he got up and put himself back in the seat. Rhodey had finished his drink and accepted another, frowning thoughtfully at Tony. "Enough about me. How did it go with Pepper's friend?"

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kelsey, as it turns out, is a man. He goes by Kel."

Rhodey's eyebrows shot up. "No kidding? Well, I guess I knew a guy named Ashley in high school…"

"Apparently he and Pepper used to date…"

"Interesting…"

"… and he asked her to marry him sixteen years ago…"

"… Okay…"

"… and before he actually got the chance to say it out loud, she ran out of the restaurant and he didn't see her for eight years."

"… … damn."

"Yeah."

"Why, though? That doesn't sound like something that she'd do."

"I know, right? Honestly, I don't know why. I'm thinking of asking her about it when she isn't quite so mad at me."

"Just because she walked out on you after kissing you, that doesn't mean that she's mad at you."

"She called when I was at Kel's house…"

Rhodey winced. "Uh-oh."

"And I'm almost positive that she knows I was there because after Kel it let slip that he knew my birthday was the day before yesterday, she hung up. Not five minutes later, I get a text from Jarvis that says, 'She knows, sir.' "

"How did she figure out that you were there just from Kel's slip?"

"Hell if I know. Jarvis doesn't want to tell me, which makes me think that she might've manipulated my poor baby."

"Well _that_ sucks. How do you plan to dig yourself out of that hole?"

Tony clapped and rubbed his hands together excitedly. "Jewelry store," he replied excitedly.

Rhodey raised an eyebrow at him. "You're going to by jewelry to apologize to Pepper Potts? Have you _met_ her?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Not to apologize so much as…" He itched his nose and looked away from his friend "… ask her a question."

Rhodey blinked, sure that he'd heard incorrectly. Or perhaps he'd interpreted incorrectly. Tony couldn't _possibly_ mean… "Ask her what," he prodded cautiously.

Tony huffed and looked Rhodey square in the eye. "Isn't it customary to _ask_ a woman to marry you?"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

Inspired by Ron White's 'Plane Crash'.


	21. Plane Crash: Part 2

**Plane Crash: Part 2

* * *

**

_Rhodey blinked, sure that he'd heard incorrectly. Or perhaps he'd interpreted incorrectly. Tony couldn't _possibly_ mean… "Ask her what," he prodded cautiously._

_Tony huffed and looked Rhodey square in the eye. "Isn't it customary to _ask_ a woman to marry you?"_

Rhodey sputtered and choked on the brandy that he'd just inhaled. "I'm sorry… _**WHAT**_**?!?**"

He was kidding, right? He _had_ to be kidding. Rhodey knew that Tony went a bit overboard from time to time, but this took the cake! Had he not heard the words that had come out of his own mouth about Pepper running from Kel's proposal?

Tony sighed dramatically. "I said, 'isn't it – ' "

"I heard what you said, fool!" Rhodey snapped. "Can you please elaborate?"

The other man shrugged. "I'm going to ask Pepper to marry me. What more is there to explain?"

"Are you kidding me with this? I'd better not be getting Punk'd. Is this Candid Camera?"

"Not at all."

But to Rhodey, it _really_ seemed like he was making light of this whole thing. "Then will you please explain it to me?"

Tony nodded and folded his hands in front of him. "How is it confusing?"

Rhodey threw his hands up and stood, pacing in the open space of the jet. "I missed it! The boat _left_ and I wasn't _on it_! When the hell did you decide to ask Pepper to marry you?!"

"Well, in a nutshell, I'm in love with her, so I'm going to ask her to marry me."

Rhodey paused and forced a patient expression. It probably wasn't working. "As far as nutshells, that was a pistachio. How about a walnut?"

"We're comparing the information that I give you to the size of nuts now?" Tony asked with a smirk.

"Did that Kel guy put you up to this?"

"Not _entirely_…"

"Because you could probably do better than follow the advice of the guy that she literally ran out on."

"Yeah, but he's her best friend. He knows her better than anybody!"

"Even so, I'm sure he didn't mean for you to propose to her as soon as you get home!"

Tony pointed to himself with a proud smile. "That was my idea."

"Yeah, I bet it was…"

"What's the advantage of waiting to ask her?"

"How about _dating_!? You know, what _normal_ people do! And not giving her a conniption _could_ be advantageous…"

"You said yourself that I've been in love with her for years and just didn't know it yet. Well now I know it, and I didn't need to date her to find that out. She's smart, she's funny, she's caring, she's my best friend."

Rhodey gave Tony a horrified look. "_I'm_ your best friend…"

"Don't worry. I don't think it'll come to that between us. But, if it does, I'd buy you a drink first. Or maybe take you camping."

They shared a quick laugh before the moment passed. "Are you sure about this, Tony?" he asked, shaking his head skeptically. "Couples get engaged. You don't want to take Pepper on even _one_ date?"

"People don't fall in love on dates," he said flatly. "They fall in love by getting to know each other. Admittedly, dating is a way of getting to know each other, but so is having a slightly unhealthy work relationship for over seven years. Dating is a way for people to see how much they like each other. I already know that I like her. In fact, I like her so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. When people make decisions like that, they usually get married."

"Yeah. Sometimes they even like to think decisions like that through - you know, for a minute or two - but I don't think you need to get _that_ radical..."

"It's simple, Rhodey; I love her, she loves me. Why not get married?"

"That type of thinking might make sense in theory, but this isn't a scientific equation. And you know damn well that Pepper isn't _that_ practical."

"She doesn't have to be. I know that she loves me."

He sounded sincere, and it almost pained Rhodey to point this out to his friend. "You don't know that. She might have a bit of a crush on you, but that may be all that it is."

"I _know_ that she loves me," Tony repeated calmly.

"How can you _know_ something like that?"

"It's just… something _inside_. I can't explain it, Rhodes. I just know in my heart that some part of her loves me the way that I love her. Why else would she stick by my side like she has the past seven years?"

Rhodey stared at him for a long minute. That was a pretty profound statement. He could see the truth of it in his eyes, too. Tony absolutely believed that Pepper loved him as much as he loved her. It was kind of… nice to see Tony so happy. His confidence in Pepper's love for him made Rhodey just as confident for him. Tony could do this!

Rhodey cleared his throat and looked away from his friend. Perhaps all of that Dr. Phil was starting to get to him. "You're a sap," Rhodey said, his voice dropping an octave.

"Aww, don't be bitter, Jimmy! I love you too!" He stood with his arms opened wide for a hug and his lips even puckered, but Rhodey shoved him back.

"Not on your life, Stark! It can never happen between you and I!" He fake sobbed and turned his back on Tony. "You're meant to be with Pepper. And me… well, Halle Berry and I will find a way to work out – what the hell was that?"

Tony coughed uncomfortably. "Pardon?"

"I know you heard that," he accused. His eyes widened when he actually identified the sound. "For the love of _God_, Tony…"

"I was hoping that we could go the entire flight without this coming up." Tony raked his fingers through his hair with a sheepish smile before walking over to one of the doors and opening it. "Come on out," he called.

Rhodey shook his head. "Can I ask what _the hell_ possessed you?"

Tony shrugged, watching as the creature poked its head out and looked around. "Kel had two dogs…"

"What does that have to do with _this_?"

Tony stared at him innocently. "You really don't see the connection?"

Rhodey rubbed his forehead. "Only in your world, Tony…"

"His dogs were really nice."

"But getting a dog is too simple for you, isn't it," Rhodey accused, shaking his head. "A cat would be too simple too. No, _you_ choose to get the goddamn duck!"

The creature let out an obnoxious quack and flapped its feathers a few times before it began waddling over to Tony. "I'm not a dog person," he said with a smirk. "Or a cat person. And if you call him a goddamn duck one more time I'll throw him at you. He'll fly."

Rhodey bit back a hysterical laugh at the absurdity of his friend. "So you're a _duck_ person…"

Tony bent down and picked up the stark white duck, letting it nest in the bend of his elbow as he stood tall and looked his friend squarely in the eye. To his credit, he kept a completely straight face, even when the bird began picking at his shirt collar. "Is there something _wrong_ with ducks?"

"Honestly…" Rhodey sat down, chuckling under his breath. "I don't know why I'm surprised. Considering what animals you would consider to be pets, a duck is pretty mild. And the fact that he just fixed your shirt collar is an added bonus."

Tony flashed his friend a winning smile and looked down at his new pet. "There, you see, Gladstone?" He pet the duck's wings affectionately and it ruffled its feathers in response. "I told you Rhodey would like you!"

* * *

The name Gladstone came from Sherlock Holmes, and the inspiration for the pet duck is from a dream I had two nights ago. But in the dream I named him Charlie Murphy…


	22. Home Made

**Home Made

* * *

**

As Pepper made her way through Tony's mansion and down to his workshop, she reviewed her plan. She knew that it was stupid. Childish, even. But she didn't care. Partly because she was too angry to care, and partly because what Tony had done didn't exactly warrant capital punishment.

It did, however, warrant retaliation.

Step one was to limit his caffeine intake. He needed the caffeine to truly wake up, especially on Mondays. So no espresso shot. Check. If she was feeling merciful, she might chuck a bottle of 5 Hour Energy at him, but that would come at a later date. She was fresh out of mercy today.

Step two was to make him as bored as possible. All that required was turning off his music and putting a six inch stack of paperwork in front of him. Check and double check.

And step three was to watch him like a hawk while he did the paperwork. If she left him alone he'd simply go back to tinkering with whatever unimportant little projects he had lying around his workshop. Or – the more likely option – he'd used the stack of papers as a pillow.

And watching him wouldn't be terrible at all. When he was insanely bored he'd fidget and squirm and whine. Pepper smirked. She'd keep him like that all day and repeat the process tomorrow. And the day after that, and the day after that. She'd keep it up until he caught up on all the paperwork that he hadn't done in weeks. That was her punishment for him. Her will was iron strong and her plan was fool proof.

She walked down the stairs, turned off the music and made it two steps inside before she halted. She looked at the bird that stood proudly on one of the tables. She blinked. The bird wiggled its butt in response.

"That's a duck."

Tony looked up from whatever he was doing with a smirk. "Why, yes, it is."

"_Why_ is it a duck?"

Tony shrugged. "This is just a shot in the dark, but he was probably born that way…"

Pepper took a deep breath. "Why is a _duck_ in your workshop?!" she snapped impatiently.

"His name is Gladstone, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't make him feel like an unwelcome guest. This is as much my house as it is his."

Her annoyance was quickly smothered by that statement. It was a relief to hear that the duck was a pet and not some kind of experiment. "Gladstone, huh?" The bird ruffled his feathers haughtily. He probably thought himself a swan, the way he stood and surveyed the workshop as though it was his domain.

Tony's expression was cautious as he watched her. "Hard to resist, isn't he?"

For a moment he was. A duck was a little unexpected, even for Tony. She would've figured that Tony would want a pet like a baby shark or a bat. Or a llama. Crazy as those pets would be, she wouldn't've been surprised. Then again, she couldn't scrutinize his choice of pet. She, after all, had a forty gallon tank and three box jellyfish in her living room. A duck was a mildly pleasant choice for Tony when compared to the alternatives.

And Gladstone _was_ cute.

But she was still intent on giving Tony the third degree. She slapped the files in front of him and turned to get a stool. She was going to park herself two feet behind him and glare at the back of his neck until it _burned_! But he caught her wrist and stood, so close that she could feel his breath on her face. "I'm sorry," he said. _Don't falter,_ she chanted in her mind. "I didn't know that it would make you so upset."

_Oh, I bet,_ she thought as she gave him a cynical look. "Jarvis, did you warn him that I wouldn't like this?"

"Absolutely, Ms. Potts," came the smooth reply.

"Traitor." She continued to glare at him and his shoulders slumped. "Alright. It was Rhodey's idea in the first place, and Jarvis did advise me against it. And I still went through with it. And I'm sorry."

She glared a moment longer before her features softened. But only slightly. "Kel liked you."

Tony shrugged. "He was cool too. I wanted to know more about you."

"You couldn't ask?"

"Would you have told me?"

_Probably not._ "You don't know that I _wouldn't_ have told you."

"I kind of do, especially after what happened last week."

Pepper looked away from him, but knew that the heat she felt would eventually color her entire face red. "I guess someone had to say it first," she muttered.

He grabbed her hands and gently squeezed until she looked up at him. "What do _you_ want to do about that?"

She blinked. "You want me to decide?"

"I want whatever you want. We can move forward, we can move backwards, or we can stay the same as we've always been."

She wasn't sure that she believed that, but she certainly wanted to. Before she'd left, hadn't he told her that nothing was at stake but his heart? That suggested that he didn't want to move backwards or stay the same.

But that hopeful look in his eyes made her resolve begin to crumble. "I like the way we've always been," she told him honestly. "You, Kel and Rhodey are the only real friends I have, and I see you the most. I don't want us to feel weird around each other."

He nodded and smiled. "Then there we go. As simple as that."

She doubt that it could be as simple as that, but she was willing to give Tony the benefit of the doubt. He released her and cringed at the pile of paperwork. "Is there any chance of me charming you into making that stack a little shorter?"

In response, she added another two-inch-thick file to the stack. She'd been planning on working on that file, but Tony was capable of doing it too. "Lovely," he commented as he rolled up his sleeves.

"Finish it before noon and I might take pity on you." _No mercy,_ a voice shouted. _Pity and mercy aren't the same,_ she told it.

"Might I get my espresso?" he asked, flashing her a smile.

"Not today," she replied smoothly. He pouted for a second at the paperwork, but Pepper shook her head. "Don't you start," she said in a tone that was both stern and playful. " 'One kiss and I'll do whatever you want for the next week.' Don't you remember making that promise?"

Seemingly sucking it up, he sat down in front of the paperwork with a look of determination. "Your wish is my command," he said as he saluted her.

She tried to glare at him, but was sure that it wasn't convincing. "I'm still mad at you."

"I'm still sorry."

He gave her the sad brown eyes that she couldn't resist and she had to look away. Huffing in annoyance at her weakness, she gave him a curt nod before turning on her heel and marching out of his workshop. As soon as the glass door closed behind her, she turned his music back on. He'd know what that meant.

**

The second she was completely out of sight, he tipped out of his chair and onto his knees, holding his hands up to the ceiling. "_Thank you, __**JESUS!**_" he screeched. Gladstone squawked in terror and flew clear across the room, leaving a few feathers floating in his wake.

But Tony didn't have time for the bird at that moment. He got up and rapidly began rearranging his desk. "Did she see it, Jarvis?"

"Not by my calculations, sir," the AI reported. "Factoring in the tilt of her head and the angle of her eyes, it seems that 'saw it without seeing it'."

"Excellent," he said, gingerly picking up his small project with a smile. She'd turned his music back on. He knew what that meant; she was still mad, but she was on her way to forgiving him. Thank goodness for that! The sooner she forgave him, the sooner he could ask her to marry him!

But he couldn't do that until he finished making this ring. Constructing a ring wasn't as easy as he'd initially thought it would be. She'd liked the ankle bracelet so much that he'd thought maybe he could do the same for the engagement ring. But after five long hours of working on it, he was discovering that there were more than a few problems with that theory, and Tony was getting ready to throw in the towel. There was nothing wrong with a store bought ring, was there?

"How about it, Gladstone?" Tony asked, turning the block-that-hardly-looked-like-a-ring this way and that to examine the details. "Store bought?"

Silence.

"Home made?"

"Mack!"

Tony nodded and placed the ring/block in a velvet cloth before stowing it away. "Home made it is," he muttered. It wasn't like he could mess it up anyhow. The work was tedious, but Jarvis had pulled up and elaborate schematic of the ring, and was making sure that it was absolutely perfect in every way. And besides, the work he put into it would all be worth it once he saw the look on Pepper's face.

But, for now, he'd have to settle for the look on her face when he brought her all of this finished paperwork. "She'll probably just shove some more at me," he muttered with a smirk. As long as she was talking to him…

* * *

The idea of a jellyfish for a pet came from the movie Seven Pounds. Good movie…


	23. A Stark Proposal

**A Stark Proposal

* * *

**

Pepper walked into Tony's office at Stark Industries and nearly jumped out of her skin. After two weeks, she was still adjusting to 'bring your duck to work Tuesdays'. "Why is that damn duck in here?"

"That 'damn duck' has a name, and it's Gladstone," he said haughtily. "And, if you must know, Gladstone is helping me with my paperwork."

If Pepper had to guess, Tony and the duck were approximately ten feet apart. And said paperwork hadn't been _breathed on_ since Pepper had put it in front of him three hours ago. "You need to leave him at home, Tony. You take him out of his familiar environment entirely too much. How do you think Gladstone feels about being carted all over creation?"

Tony glanced at the bird and shrugged. "He doesn't mind."

"Did he tell you that?"

"Would it help if I said he did?"

Pepper rubbed her temples. Today was going to be one of _those_ days…

"Did you need something?" he asked sweetly.

"Signatures," she said flatly, placing two more thick files on his desk. "I hope Gladstone is good at forging yours."

"He's working on it."

She blinked hard. "_Anyway_, here are the schematics that Mr. Tanaka and Mr. Yakomoto sent for the upgrades at the Tokyo plant. I looked over them and I know that you've probably already got opinions on them, but I personally think that the most attention should be focused on fixing the – what are you doing?"

Tony was holding her hand in both of his. But it wasn't in a friendly or even a romantic way. She felt like he was trying to read her palm. His concentration was so intense that it appeared that he hadn't heard her.

"Can I ask what you're doing?" she repeated.

"Yes."

When he didn't continue, she huffed. "Can I get an answer?"

"To your question?"

"Yes."

"Of course." He blinked. "Wait… what was the question?"

"What are you _doing_?"

"Oh, yeah! Trying to figure out your ring size." He pulled out a ring chart out of one of his desk drawers and tried lining it up with Pepper's finger, but she snatched it away.

"New girlfriend?" she asked in what she hoped was a casual voice.

"Hopefully more," he muttered, grabbing her hand again.

_It always has to rain on me, doesn't it, _she thought sourly. "Size seven. Now give me my hand back." She realized that she'd said that a bit sharply, but she wasn't sorry about it. She was jealous, even if she'd only admit it to herself. All this time she'd been thinking that Tony might _finally _be looking her way. Why else would he go to visit Kel?

But now he was trying to figure out her ring size so he could get a ring for some other trick! No good, son of a…

"Perfect," Tony said with a wide smile. He was digging in his pocket and produced a small box, flipping it open before Pepper's brain could register what it was. Upon seeing what was inside, she froze. It was the most beautiful ring Pepper had ever seen. It wasn't obnoxiously large or glamorous, but it had a quiet, vintage beauty. The ring was likely platinum, with Victorian style crafting and a solitaire diamond embedded right in the middle.

She hid the dark stab of jealousy that she felt and smiled up at Tony. "It's beautiful," she told him truthfully.

"I made it," he said proudly.

Her jaw dropped. "You're not serious."

He gave an indignant huff. "Yes I am! I made your ankle bracelet, didn't I?" She nodded. He had a point. "So will you wear it?"

Confused, she gave him a funny look. "The ankle bracelet?"

"This ring."

_Everything _stopped. She swallowed hard, trying to drown the panic that was quickly rising. "Why?" She hadn't noticed at first, but he'd been examining her ring finger. Her _left _ring finger. His eyes asked her the actual question, but she didn't want them to. "Tony…" she whined, shaking her head. "Don't do this."

"Why not? You're beautiful... and brilliant... powerful, funny, generous, the queen, goddess, _my_ inspiration…"

She shook her head in exasperation. "This isn't _funny_, Tony!"

"You're right. It's not." He set the ring aside and gently framed her face with his hands. "Pepper, you're my best friend. You take care of me, you make me laugh, you make me think, and you make me _better_. I trust you, and you _know_ you can trust me. I think you know that I can make you happy, and you _have_ to know that you're all I need to be happy."

She carefully grabbed his hands and gently pushed them away. "Why are you doing this," she asked quietly. "What makes you think that I love you? I've never said that I do." She realized how harsh that sounded…

But Tony didn't miss a beat. "Of course you haven't. Not out loud. Love is something you need to act on, not question. You're so busy classifying and separating and examining every little thing that you feel that and you forget how easy loving someone can be. We're the ones that make it complicated. Please don't be a pessimist about this."

"I'm a realist, Tony. You're not asking for a date. You're not even asking for a quick romp between the sheets. You're asking for a lifetime commitment! What happens if we have a nasty break up? What if we rip each others hearts out and we can no longer stand the sight of each other?"

"What if we _don't_?" he challenged. "What if we fall in love? What if we have arguments - like _all_ couples do - and figure out a way to come to an agreement without purposefully hurting each other? What if we live together happily with two kids and a duck and your jellyfish? What if the sun doesn't come up tomorrow? We could go on and on about 'ifs' for eternity, Potts."

Perhaps he was right in that respect. She glanced at the open box that he's set aside. It was a beautiful ring, and he's obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it…

But, damn it all, she was right too! He wasn't just giving her a gift, he was asking her to _marry_ him! Where the hell had this even come from?! They'd had that sexual tension between them for years, but only in the past four months had they let it get out of hand.

A kiss was okay, two was probably pushing it, but nearly having sex with him on his kitchen counter was decidedly not, and neither was being asked to marry him two weeks later! Apparently _this_ was what happened when they let their feelings get out of hand.

She picked up the box and closed it, slowly handing it to Tony. "You're right. We _are_ the ones that make it complicated. But identifying the problem doesn't make it any less problematic."

Tony accepted the box and gave her a solemn look that was absolutely heartbreaking. She turned and walked out of his office, hearing him mutter, "That doesn't mean that we can't work to make it easier, either," as the door shut behind her.

* * *

This is the BEAUTIFUL ring that Tony crafted and presented her with. Maybe you disagree, but I totally think that Pepper has the classic beauty to pull it off.

http : // apples of gold . com / HGO - R125WB20 . html (Remove the spaces, of course ^-^)


	24. Deep Waters

**Deep Waters

* * *

**

"She didn't say no," Tony said, splayed out on the bathroom floor while Gladstone splashed around in the bathtub. "She sure as hell didn't say yes, either. I wonder if that's as good as saying no."

_"__Not necessarily," _Rhodey said over the speaker phone._ "It could mean that she just needs to process it. For her that proposal came from way out of left field."_

"I _know_ that she and I would be happy together."

_"__I agree."_

"She makes me happy and I'm almost positive that I could make her happy. That I _do_ make her happy."

_"__I think you do too."_

"I told her that love is easy and that we're the ones who make it complicated."

_"__That's very true."_

"But she insisted that knowing the problem doesn't make the situation any less complicated."

_"__Also true."_

"She said we could get into a nasty fight and hate each other."

_"__You could."_

Tony scowled at the ceiling. "Whose side are you on, senator?"

_"__I'm on both of your sides, dumbass. Because you're _both_ my friends and because I want _both_ of you to be happy. That being said, I did warn you that it was too soon for this. A date first would've been nice."_

Gladstone tried to pick at the ring that Tony was closely examining, but he shooed the bird away to the other side of the tub. "I told you my stance on that…"

_"__Your stance obviously isn't her stance. Otherwise she would've said yes."_

"She didn't say no…"

___"W__hich could simply mean that she cares about you enough not to hurt you."_

Tony slumped farther on the floor, nearly laying down. "Well _that's_ nice. She didn't answer because she felt sorry for me." Gladstone peck roughly at his arm and Tony gave him the remainder of the toast he'd been eating, shooing the duck away again.

_"__That's bullshit, Tony. If you told her that you really love her then the last thing she'll feel for you is pity."_

Okay, that was true. So she didn't feel sorry for him. He still couldn't think of any reason as to why she wouldn't've said yes or no. She didn't say yes, which could mean no. Just as easily as not saying no could've meant yes. Or maybe not saying either meant maybe.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. _This_ was what he'd meant about the people involved making a relationship overly complicated.

He wanted her. Easy.

He liked her. Easy.

He trusted her.

He loved her.

...

He froze.

He replayed their conversation in his mind. And then again. And then _again_. Tony groaned. "I'm such a dumbass!"

_"__You're not a dumbass,"_ Rhodey said boredly.

"I never _once,_ during that proposal, told her that I loved her."

Rhodey paused. _"Yeah, you're a dumbass."_

"How could I have forgotten _that_?!"

_"__I'm sure you were nervous."_

"Who asks a woman to marry him and _forgets_ to say that he loves her?! That's the whole reason behind a proposal!"

_"__You know, now that you say that, I wonder if that's the reason that she didn't answer you. Maybe she was waiting to hear you say that."_

Tony sighed heavily. "It's possible. I wonder if I ought to do the whole thing over or just tell her that I love her."

_"__If I was you, I'd go slow and just – "_

"Of course I have to do the whole thing over!"

Rhodey huffed. _"Of course you do."_

**

Kel blinked, wondering if he'd heard her right. "You didn't say no?"

_"__What _could_ I say?"_ Pepper moaned.

"Well, you could've said no. You could've bolted before he had the chance to ask."

_"__I hardly knew that he was asking me until the ring was already out. And thanks to a loud mouth friend of mine, he knew to trap me somewhere where I couldn't bolt without attracting attention to myself."_

"I felt I should warn the guy lest you crap on his heart like you did mine." Kel felt a cold nudge on his leg and saw Jekyll wagging his tail energetically and holding a hollow bone. He opened cupboards and the fridge for treats to put in the bone.

_"__It was different with you."_

"How so?" The dog nudged him again and Kel took the bone, setting it aside so the dog would stop bothering him.

_"__I didn't love you."_

"But you love him."

_"__Wha – ! I didn't… say that!"_

"It was implied…"

_"__It wasn't at all implied."_

"Okay, so I'll ask you straight out: Do you love Tony Stark? Yes or no?"

_"__I'm not – "_

"Do you?"

_"__I – "_

"Yes…"

_"__He – "_

"… or…"

_"__Kel!"_

"… no?"

**_"_**_**Kelsey!!!!**_**_"_**

"Well?"

_"__Okay! **FINE!** You win! I love him! I've been in love with that clown for years! But that doesn't matter because this is just a phase!"_

"Now we're getting somewhere." Kel stuffed cheese slices and a hotdog in the bone before giving it to Jekyll and shooing him away. "But, I have to say, seven years is a damn long phase, Pep."

_"__I'm not talking about me," _she snapped. _"Tony is the one that's going through a phase. As soon as he realizes that he's only in love with the _idea_ of being in love with me, he'll move on to the next woman."_

Kel frowned thoughtfully. "Do you really believe that?" She didn't answer right away, so he continued. "Tell me honestly: do you actually think that Tony asked you to _marry_ him because he's going through a phase?"

She paused. _"Maybe he's dying,"_ she muttered hopefully.

"Pepper…"

She sighed heavily. _"I don't want to be made a fool of. I don't want to think that he loves me and then find out that he doesn't before it's too late."_

Kel nodded. If anyone knew how that felt, it was him. "I don't blame you. It sucks when that happens."

_"__Kelsey…"_

"Don't make this about you and I," he said quickly. He hadn't meant to give her a guilt trip. "Despite how heartbroken I was at the time, I think that we're better off as friends. A 'no' back then would've been nice instead of a sprint in the other direction, but the fact remains that I'm happy with Stacy. And I think you'd be happy with Tony. You've been complaining about him to me for years, but there's always that underlying affection for him. And, I have to tell you, you two wear the same expression when you talk about each other. So, judge him based on that: whatever you feel for him, I guarantee that he feels the same about you."

She gave another heavy sigh, but it seemed to be borne of relief rather than tension or stress. _"Thank you, Kel."_

"Any time, Pep. I mean that." Kel hung up the phone and turned to Jekyll, who was holding the bone and staring at him expectantly.

Kel held his hand out and the dog dropped the bone into it. "Peanut butter?"

The dog barked and wagged its tail happily.


	25. This Morality Play

**This Morality Play

* * *

**

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. He didn't want to do this, especially when Pepper wasn't there with him. He hated these press conferences, but he did them because 1.) he was obligated to, and 2.) Pepper was always standing off to the side, offering him an encouraging smile. He'd never really realized how heavily he leaned on her for sanity, but he certainly appreciated it now.

But all he had now was Rhodey, so he'd have to make do. With a sigh of defeat, he stepped up to the podium and delivered the usual progress report. Weapons were still being stolen all over the world. He was still doing his best to intercept the weapons before they were used for mindless destruction. Blah, blah, blah. The reporters shifted impatiently, and he knew that they cared nothing about what he was saying.

Some gossiping hen from the SI office had leaked to the media that Tony had proposed to Pepper. He wasn't even sure how anyone had found out, but it had been all over the tabloids the next day.

Some of the rumors were fairly mild: they were engaged, but Pepper just didn't want to wear the ring yet for fear of drawing too much attention to herself.

Other rumors were really… not: Pepper had accepted his proposal to make Jude Law jealous, and Tony had proposed because he was tired of waiting for Eva Mendes.

Pepper had probably been working overtime on Tony's behalf, but she hadn't spoken a word to him in the four days since his proposal. As far as he knew, she hadn't commented on the situation, and neither had Tony. He didn't want to talk about it, and he didn't relish being asked multiple questions about it by these reporters.

And he didn't have to be a genius to know that his proposal was the question on the tip of _everyone's_ tongue. As his progress report drew to a close, he figured that he'd give the reporters fair warning that he didn't want to be messed with on this particular day.

"Before we start with the questions, let me say this," he began. "I am _not_ in the mood to answer any questions that have nothing whatsoever to do with Iron Man or Stark Industries." Out of the corner of his eye, Rhodey was furiously shaking his head, but Tony ignored him. Reaching around the podium, he plucked a pencil away from a reporter, who immediately gave out an irate cry that Tony also ignored. "Here to help me clear up some of the concerns and misconceptions concerning my _supposed_ engagement to Ms. Potts, I give you; this pencil."

He held it up for all to see. _"You know, Mr. Stark,"_ Tony said, his voice pitched higher as he wiggled the pencil, _"I thought maybe I heard some rumors floating around about you and your personal assistant Ms. Potts maybe being engaged."_

His voice returned to normal as he said, "Let me clear that up, my friend, by saying that we are not at all engaged. I'll have you know that I did ask Ms. Potts to marry me, but her answer was no. Is it because she'd rather have Jude Law? Well, that's possible. I mean, **I** wouldn't mind Jude Law. Did I ask her to marry me because I've given up on Eva Mendes? Not at all. Eva is a doll, but I'm not in love with her."

_"__Well, holy crap! I'll bet you don't want to share the intimacies of your personal life with me _or_ the rest of the world, do you?"_

"That's actually an accurate observation. By the way, what is your name?"

_"__Oh, I'm any generic reporter that happens to ask you a question about Pepper Potts and/or any engagement related issues."_

His face completely devoid of emotion, Tony nodded and broke the pencil in half, tossing the pieces back at the reporter that he'd stolen it from. "This morality play was made possible by a generous grant from the 'Just See If I Was Kidding' Foundation," he said smoothly. "Questions?"

One reporter stood eagerly and it seemed that a question about Pepper was on the tip of his tongue. Tony slumped forward, draping himself across the podium and smiled sweetly at the reporter. "Choose carefully."

There was a long pause before the man said in a strained voice, "Concerning the weapons recently found in Haiti…"

"Atta girl," Tony muttered, nodding for him to continue.

The other reporters followed suit, and the Q&A section wrapped up in less than five minutes.

Tony climbed into the limo with Rhodey and they drove off. His friend strummed his fingers on his bicep, shaking his head in disappointment. "I hope you know that Pepper is going to kill you…"

Tony's sour expression lifted to reveal a triumphant grin. "But she'll talk to me."

Rhodey nodded. "Uh-huh, right… before she _kills_ you…"

"Well, maybe she'll let me plea my case before she pushes me down an elevator shaft."

"If you honestly think that a plea will save you…" Rhodey shook his head. "It's been nice knowing you."

**

Pepper didn't want to watch the press conference, but she knew that she should. No matter their personal relationship, he was still her boss, and it was her job to know anything and everything about Tony Stark. Watching his press conferences was almost a requirement.

But she didn't even want to hear his voice. Partly because she still felt awkward after his proposal, but mostly because Kel's words still rang clear as day in her mind. She hadn't stopped thinking about it since he'd said it.

_"__Whatever you feel for him, I guarantee that he feels the same about you."_

She really did love him, but she didn't want to get hurt. How could she be sure that Tony wouldn't break her heart? Or how could she be sure that she wouldn't break his heart?

She finally turned on the TV as Tony was discussing weapons that he'd intercepted in various countries. She half paid attention to what he was saying, and seriously considered turning it off when it seemed that he was just giving a plain old status report. "And I'll bet he's done as soon as I turn it off," she muttered as she reached for the remote.

"I'm not in the mood to answer any questions that have nothing whatsoever to do with Iron Man or Stark Industries," he said flatly. "Here to help me clear up some of the concerns and misconceptions concerning my _supposed_ engagement to Ms. Potts, I give you; this pencil."

Pepper dropped the remote. "Don't you _dare_," she hissed at the television.

"…I'll have you know that I did ask Ms. Potts to marry me, but her answer was no. Is it because she'd rather have Jude Law?"

Shaking from rage, Pepper turned off the TV and placed the remote on the coffee table as gently as possible. She heard only white noise roaring in her ears as she stood and began pacing.

He hadn't…

He _hadn't_…

…

… the _**FUCK**_?!

She sat down and took deep breaths. She was Pepper Potts, dammit! She could get through this!

Gladstone – who Pepper had volunteered to watch after an irate call from Jarvis – clumsily hopped up onto the couch and settled himself on her lap. He gently picked at the collar of her shirt and she stroked the duck's soft feathers. "I'm going to kill your daddy," she muttered to the bird.

* * *

Inspired by a speech made by Dr. Cox from the show 'Scrubs.'


	26. A Slight Miscalculation: Part 1

**A Slight Miscalculation: Part 1

* * *

**

_"S__top speaking in riddles, Pepper!" Tony snapped. "I am _so_ sick of having to whip out the Idiot to English dictionary to figure out what the fuck you're trying to say!"_

_Pepper shook her head, leaning heavily on one hip. "You know what? You're right, you're absolutely right, and I don't even know. _Why_ would I even know?"_

"_Oh, _here_ we _go_…"_

"_Because you're the czar of right! And we're all just floating in a sea of wrong as you go by in your ship of right!"_

"_Of _course_ it's my fault. It's _always_ my fault!"_

"_Just please – tell me. Throw me a life line so I know. I mean, I don't even know if I'm right about this. I could be wrong about right now, but you know. Why don't you tell me if _I'm_ right right now?"_

"_I'm just so _sick_ of you…"_

**

Pepper started violently, sitting up in bed. She took deep breaths in an attempt to calm her racing heart. Her worst nightmare…

_That_ was her worst nightmare. She wasn't sure what they'd been arguing about in the dream, but she was willing to bet that it hadn't been worth all of that animosity. But with that realization came another:

She and Tony weren't like that! They'd _never_ be like that. Tony was too sweet for that, and Pepper was too level headed for it.

"Did it really take me this long to realize that," she muttered as she glanced at her clock on the nightstand. 5:55 AM. Her alarm would go off in five minutes.

But she smiled as she got up and began getting dressed. She didn't have to worry about a bad relationship with Tony. He'd been right: they were the ones that made it difficult, and they were the ones that needed to work through those difficulties.

She'd been _so_ mad the day before when he'd basically announced to the world that he'd proposed to her, but she'd watched it over. The _whole_ thing, just to make sure that it hadn't been some horrible dream.

_"__Did I ask her to marry me because I gave up on Eva Mendes? Not at all. Eva is a doll, but I'm not in love with her."_

That implied that he was in love with Pepper.

She wanted to hear him say it to her, as those three words had been suspiciously absent from his proposal. Being that he'd told the whole world that he loved her, Pepper was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he'd been so nervous that he'd forgotten. Whatever the reason, she'd have to go to him to find out. She knew that he wasn't bothering her because he was trying to give her space.

"And he's trying to give me space," she told herself with a smile, "because he's in love with me."

**

Tony stared at the computer screen in his office, boredly watching Uncle Buck. Unfortunately, Pepper hadn't attempted to contact him at all after his outburst at the press conference yesterday. Of all the things that would've gotten her to talk to him, he'd really thought that that would be it.

Perhaps he was going to have to go to her. He'd been trying to give her some space, but maybe she was waiting for him to go to her. Either way, it seemed that Rhodey had been right about taking things slow with her. He needed to start over. Maybe ask her to go to dinner with him. Or _something_...

He sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands, mumbling a semi-coherent 'come in' when someone knocked on the door. He looked up and in slid Cecilia, the very sexy very _married_ head receptionist of the thirty-seventh floor. She was damn good looking for a forty-something year old mother of two. For that reason, Tony hadn't known that she was married _or_ that she was a mother when he'd had sex with her. And in the very office he was sitting in.

Every once in a while she'd slink in wearing an outfit that left little to the imagination and attempted to go for another round, but even before Afghanistan, Tony rarely had sex with the same woman twice. Cecilia happened to be one of those rarities.

To her credit, she never lost heart, but Tony wasn't in the mood to even indulge her. She'd obviously heard what he'd said about his proposal the day before, and she'd probably figured that to mean that Tony was still available.

The outfit she'd opted for this time was a plaid skirt that _barely_ covered her ass and a white button down shirt that was about two sizes too small. He could see her black and pink lace bra underneath, as well as the bellybutton ring that protruded out of her well toned stomach. And the heels she wore were so high that it might've made a stripper stagger.

Tony blinked hard. "How do you get away with wearing things like in a place like this without someone complaining about it?"

"_You're_ the boss, for one," she said as she flipped her long hair over her shoulder. "And it doesn't hurt that I play on _both_ sides of the fence. You may remember."

_Oh,_ he remembered… "Can I help you with something, Cecilia?"

She stuck out a plump bottom lip, gliding across the floor towards him. "You can help me with _so _many things, Mr. Stark." She sat on the corner of his desk and leaned forward, giving him a generous view of her cleavage. "For starters, this bra is so tight I can hardly breathe."

Tony shook his head. "No."

She blinked. "No?" She frowned thoughtfully. "Do you want me to get someone else? I don't think you've met Angela yet. She's the new brunette temp, and I can tell you that she's a terrific kisser…"

"That's not what I mean. When I say 'no', I mean 'get out' because I don't want anything that you or Angela have to offer me."

"You're kidding."

"I've never been more serious. Please get out."

She sighed heavily, her chest rising and falling more than was natural. "If I have to," she said finally. She stood, but instead of leaving, she relocated to Tony's lap. "But you know, when you're alone and hard tonight, you're going to be sorry that you didn't say yes."

Cecilia grabbed his tie and roughly yanked him forward, her lips sloppily clashing with his. He groaned in anger and frustration and grabbed her upper arms, trying to push her away. She slid her arms around his neck and latched on like death as he tried to rip her away. He let go of her arms and slithered his own up her stomach and under her arms to break her grip.

And who should he see standing in the doorway, staring at them with a look of pure horror, but Pepper Potts.

Tony's heart stopped. "Oh, God…"

The woman on his lap grabbed his chin and turned Tony towards her. "Cute, but you can call me Cecilia."

Tony stood, letting Cecilia fall gracelessly to the ground. By the time he looked up at the door again, it was already closed, and _very_ vacant. It was a good bet that Pepper was already halfway to the ground floor. He wasn't going to catch up to her here. He'd have to catch her at her apartment. All that mattered was that he caught her.

But there was a more pressing matter to attend to first. He picked up the phone and dialed one-one-nine. Half a ring later, someone picked up._ "__Yes, Mr. Stark?"_

"I need an officer to escort Mrs. Cecilia Kelly off the property this instant."

_"__Someone will be up right away, Mr. Stark."_

"Thank you." He hung up but picked up the phone again and dialed eight-six-seven. This time it took two rings before there was an answer.

_"__Stark Industries, Human Resources. This is Oscar Jones, what can I do for you today?"_

"Oscar, this is Tony. I would like to file a sexual harassment complaint against Mrs. Cecilia Kelly – "

_"__WHAT?!"_ she shrieked. She'd been lying on the floor, trying to run her foot up the length of his leg through both calls, but she finally stood up and glared daggers at Tony. "You're shitting me!"

_"__The charge, Mr. Stark?"_

"Inappropriate conduct, dress code violation, assault – "

"Bullshit!"

"Just about anything you can think of, to be honest. You and I can iron out the details tomorrow, but I don't want her coming within a thousand yards of this property ever again. I've already called security to escort her off the premises, and I want you to make sure that she never comes back."

_"__Consider it done, Mr. Stark."_

"Thank you, Oscar." He hung up just as two unassuming security guards came into his office and zeroed in on Cecilia. She shrieked indignantly as they grabbed her and she even tried to get away. But the two guards were the strongest in the building, despite the fact that they looked no larger than Tony – they were former marines and they were paid more to work out then they were to keep the peace.

Cecilia kicked and screamed and raised hell all the way out, but Tony stopped paying attention as soon as he was sure that the guards had her in their control. He shut down his computer, grabbed his keys and rushed to his car in hopes of intercepting Pepper. He _had_ to find her…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

Some inspiration from Dane Cook and 'Neurotically Yours' aka 'iLL WiLL PreSS'.**  
**


	27. A Slight Miscalculation: Part 2

**A Slight Miscalculation: Part 2

* * *

**

_Cecilia kicked and screamed and raised hell all the way out, but Tony stopped paying attention as soon as he was sure that the guards had her in their control. He shut down his computer, grabbed his keys and rushed to his car in hopes of intercepting Pepper. He _had_ to find her…_

Tony knew without a doubt that Pepper wasn't in her office, but he couldn't help checking on his way out, just to be sure. Finding it vacant, he rushed right past the elevators and took the steps two at a time all the way down to the basement, nearly breaking his neck three times.

He threw himself into his Audi R8 and sped out of the parking ramp, pausing only to toss one of his many credit cards at the guard in the parking kiosk as he broke through the bar. He'd pay for it later, and they could - and probably would - use his card as collateral.

Praying that the cops weren't creeping around on this afternoon, Tony broke more than a few traffic laws as he got on the highway and sped towards Pepper's apartment building. Fifteen people – at the _very_ least – must've honked at him and flipped him the bird, but he hardly spared them a second glance.

He began slowing down as he got off the highway and found himself a few blocks from her apartment. He had a key to get in, but it was at his house on his dresser. And Lance the security guard – nice old man that he was – would forever and always be on Pepper's side. More than once, Tony had tried to sweet talk Lance into letting him up to Pepper's apartment when she was mad at him. He never got through. If Tony didn't have a key, there was no way in hell that he was getting in.

He needed a key card to get into the underground parking garage as well, but at least there wasn't a guard there. There was a camera, but if Tony worked fast, he could hack into the machine…

Fuck that.

He opened his cell phone and dialed Jarvis, who picked up mid-ring.

_"__Yes, sir?"_

"Hack into the surveillance at Pepper's apartment building. When you see me pull up, open the underground garage."

_"__Very well, sir. Will that be all, or will you require my assistance in committing any other felony offences this afternoon?"_

"Goodbye, Jarvis."

Tony tossed his phone aside as he turned a corner a bit too sharply. As soon as he pulled up to the garage of her apartment building, the door slid open and Tony sped it, his sharp eyes scanning high and low for Pepper's Dodge Charger. But it was nowhere to be found, and he'd checked end to end twice.

…

Maybe she'd been in one of the cars that he'd nearly run off the road?

No. He'd been in a zone, but he would've noticed if he'd passed her car. But where the hell would she be if not at her apartment? There were a million and one answers to that question.

She could be at a bar, drinking herself into a stupor.

She could be at his house, breaking his every possession.

She could be at the airport, buying a ticket to Ohio.

She could be at Wal-Mart, buying a shotgun.

Tony hit the breaks and took a few deep breaths. _None_ of those things sounded like something that Pepper would do – except, perhaps, going to Ohio. But that didn't leave him with a very accurate idea of where the hell she might be.

He could just go home and call her. And hope that she picked up…

"Yeah fucking right."

But what else was there?

Shaking his head in defeat, he slowly made his way out of the garage and kept to the streets as he drove home at an average speed. He truly couldn't believe his bad luck.

Tony left his car haphazardly parked in his workshop when he finally got home and made his way up to the kitchen. He wanted to lie on the counter and drink – _really_ drink. He grabbed an entire bottle of scotch on his way there, but by the time he made it to the kitchen he slumped to the floor in absolute defeat.

Would he _ever_ win? _EVER?!?_

He grabbed his cell phone and dialed Pepper's number, not expecting her to answer but praying to the heavens that she would. After about seven rings, it went to her answering machine.

"Pepper, I… I can't even…" He raked his fingers though his hair. He honestly wanted to cry, but he was too shocked to. "God, you must hate me. But I didn't – I _wasn't_…" Tony took a deep breath. "You have to believe… I don't know how I could begin to apologize…"

"You don't have to." He dropped the phone and turned around. Pepper was standing in the doorway, staring down at him with a perfectly calm expression.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**


	28. A Slight Miscalculation: Part 3

**A Slight Miscalculation: Part 3

* * *

**

_"__You don't have to." He dropped the phone and turned around. Pepper was standing in the doorway, staring down at him with a perfectly calm expression._

"Pepper?" he squeaked. He tossed aside both his phone and the bottle of scotch. The bottle shattered and the phone… Hell, that wafer thin piece of crap had probably shattered too.

She pointed to the shattered bottle and sighed heavily. "Oh hell, Tony…"

He scrambled to his feet, keeping a cautious distance between them. "Forget about that. Please, Pepper, you have to listen to me – "

She shook her head, holding up a hand to silence him. "I don't need to hear any excuses, Tony," she said calmly. "I'm not mad at you, so stop looking at me like I'm about to disembowel you. I'll tell you what happened from my end:

"I came to work at the usual time, but I hid from you when you came in because I wasn't ready to talk to you yet. I watched your door – feeling like a stalker, I might add – for forty-five minutes, trying to get the courage to go inside and at least give you something to work on since you were probably playing Diablo or Nanosaur."

Tony timidly raised his hand. "Actually, I was watching Uncle Buck."

"I didn't call on you." Tony nodded and looked at the floor, miming zipping his lips. "I was watching the door," she continued, "and I saw Cecilia glide into your office like she was ready for her porno debut. She hardly ever wears appropriate clothing, she harasses both male and female employees… And no one ever says anything about it because everyone assumes that the females are just jealous of her and that the males love it or are gay if they don't. So, in essence…" She looked away briefly, but then brought her gaze squarely back to Tony. "… I saw an opportunity to get that whore fired and I seized it."

Tony blinked. "So… you knew? _Everything?!_"

"I didn't know that she'd be trying to suck your face off when I opened the door," she said, a bit tightly, "but I knew that leaving right away would cause you to fire her." She chewed on her bottom lip and winced. "You think I'll go to hell for that?"

Too relieved to really believe it, Tony just shrugged. "You might."

She shrugged too. "Worth it," she muttered. "But I didn't mean to make you so upset. I hid in the break room to wait while she got thrown out and when I went back to your office you were long gone."

"I was trying to catch up with you before you locked yourself in your apartment and never spoke to me again," he explained. "Secretly, I might've had a death wish."

"Why didn't you have Jarvis use GPS and lock onto the position of my cell phone? You could've found me that way. That's how I found out that you were on your way here."

Tony nodded. "Yes, because rationality has _always_ been one of my redeeming qualities." Pepper rolled her eyes. "I thought you might be at Wal-Mart buying a _shotgun!_"

She snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. I'd go someplace where they don't give receipts or ask for ID."

"That's comforting."

After a mutual chuckle they fell silent, and neither seemed willing to break the silence. Tony sure as hell wasn't going to. And Pepper seemed to realize that. "It's… I…" She turned away from him and closed her eyes, as though in defeat. "I don't know what you wanted me to say to you, Tony."

"When I asked you to marry me?" She nodded and he shrugged with a tight but sad smile. "Who goes to the trouble of making a ring, obsessing over a way to propose and puts his heart in peril in hopes that the woman he's asking will say no?"

"How could you expect me to say yes after everything you did? You invaded my privacy to find my friend's address, you went to his house without telling me, you asked me to marry you when we've never even been on a date… And on top of all that, you announced on _world television_ that you'd break someone in half like a pencil if they asked about your proposal! Do you know the _nightmare_ that I had to deal with after that?! Sorting through all of those damn letters and emails… and a death threat or two, thank you very much!"

Tony hung his head, genuinely sorry. "I didn't know how else to get you to talk to me."

He heard a low growl in the back of her throat and Tony could practically read her thoughts. She certainly wanted to scream at him, and possibly wondered why they couldn't just talk like normal people.

_Because we're not – nor will we ever be – normal people._

He liked it that way. Why didn't she?

Scratch that. He knew that she liked it that way too. But he was honestly getting tired of their back and forth. Pepper had to be getting tired of it too, but she was the one that kept denying them what they both wanted so badly.

She took a deep breath. "Do you love me Tony? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with _me_?"

"Of course I love you. And I've never – _never_ – been able to imagine spending the rest of my life with _anyone_ else. Not until I started thinking about spending it with you." He wasn't lying. She _had_ to know that he wasn't lying. But what was she going to do about that? He braced himself, ready to get thrown back into the friend zone.

"Alright." She held her hand out, palm down, and waited.

He stared at her blankly. "Alright wha – ?" He trailed off and his eyes got wide as he stared at her hand. Why would she be holding it out that way? Unless she expected…

"What, you think that ring is going to put itself on?" she snapped.

Tony looked up into her eyes, silently begging her not to be joking. "Alright?" he asked again.

"Yes," she responded calmly.

"Love me?"

"Of course."

"Marry me?"

"Why not."

"You're serious?"

"Well," she responded with a coy smirk, "you said we could have two kids, your duck and my jellyfish. I want _three_ kids, and I'm still on the fence about the duck."

Tony's eyes lit up and he threw himself at her, lifting her into the air and spinning them both. _**"YESSS!!!"**_ he shouted at the top of his lungs. He wouldn't've been surprised if all of Malibu had heard him. He _wanted_ all of Malibu to hear him!

He set her down on the counter and kissed her repeatedly before she finally pulled away. Pepper cleared her throat and pointed to her bare ring finger. Tony proudly whipped the ring out of his pocket and slipped it on her finger. He gave a happy bark of laughter before he attacked her with kisses again.

"You know what this means, don't you?" he muttered between kisses.

She chuckled against his lips. "That, because I'm marrying my crazy boss, I owe Kel two hundred dollars?"

"Not only that… I'll also need to program Jarvis to call you ma'am."

* * *

Inspired by my love of romance/happy endings. But the ride isn't over quite yet... ;D


	29. James Rhodes, Best Man

**James Rhodes, Best Man

* * *

**

Rhodey turned this way and that, examining his reflection in the mirror. He looked damn good, in his opinion. Then again, when the hell _didn't_ he look damn good?

"What's so wrong with wanting to know?" Tony pushed, holding out his arms as a man took his measurements.

Rhodey shook his head. "It's supposed to be a surprise."

"I don't always like your kinds of surprises, platypus." Tony paused as his throat was measured, which only took a few seconds. "And if you're going to be my best man then you're obviously going to give a speech. So let's hear it."

"Fine. I don't have it word for word…"

"The wedding isn't for another month. I don't expect it to be word for word yet."

"… but I was considering telling everyone about the time that I first met you."

Tony chuckled at the memory. "Ah, yes. That day, I heard the first of _many_ ridiculous stories that – while probably untrue – are nevertheless quite funny."

"I remember most of what I told you, but I don't remember why."

"Obadiah thought it would be good publicity if Stark Industries forged a friendship with the military."

Rhodey nodded. "The people making the weapons and the people using them."

"Right. You'd just gotten back from Canada…"

"And when I told you that, you said…"

**

_Tony nodded. "Wow. Canada, huh? Must've been cold."_

_Rhodey gave Tony a very serious look. "Yes," he said slowly, as though slightly confused or perhaps drunk. "Canada; it was a frozen, hostile wasteland. And there was much work to be done if we were to survive the elements."_

_Tony's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that – "_

_"__After mooring a hole though the ice to find food," he continued without pause, "one of the locals – and now my good friend – _**Nantook**_ and I would build an igloo to protect ourselves from polar bears… and flying hockey pucks." Tony almost snickered, but tried to control himself. Rhodey wasn't exactly trying to be funny, he was just trying to be a smartass. He couldn't help it, however, if he was accomplishing both._

_Rhodey sighed heavily. "Then we would drink a lot of beer. And when Nantook was ready, he would tell me the story of the great moose…" Tony coughed to disguise his laughter. "… who said to the little squirrel, 'hey, Rockey…' "_

_Both Tony doubled over in laughter, apparently hearing nothing else._

**

"You could do better than that," Tony said, stepping off the platform and motioning for Rhodey to take his place. "You could do _a lot_ better than that. That wasn't one of my shining moments."

Rhodey spread his arms. "You say that as if you have so many to choose from…"

"Hardy-har-har."

"Okay, so how about the time that I first met Pepper?"

Tony genuinely laughed at that. "That'd probably be _worse_."

**

_Rhodey and Tony had spent most of the morning in Tony's workshop; Rhodey chilling on the couch playing Pokemon (red version) on his Gameboy and Tony working on a motorcycle engine. When they heard the unmistakable click of high heels descending the staircase, Tony started and turned to Rhodey with a warning expression. "Don't you dare mess this up," he hissed. "She's only been working for me for three weeks, and she's still getting used to _**my**_ sexual jokes."_

_"__What, you think _I'm_ worse than _you_?!"_

_Tony shook his head. "I think you can be _**as bad**_ as me when you want to be."_

_"__What does it matter? Three weeks must be some kind of record. Fifty bucks says she quits in a week and a half."_

_Tony glanced at the doorway as the red head entered in an access code. "I don't think so. Not this time. This one is different."_

_She strolled in purposefully and handed Tony a small white cup, which he finished in one swallow. She set the cup aside and flipped through a stack of files that she was carrying. "Mr. Stark, the meeting with Mr. Cage at – "_

_"__Cancel it," Tony said carelessly._

_"__Fabulous," she said flatly. "And the paperwork that you need to review to prepare for that meeting can probably wait."_

_"__Can you help me with this engine?"_

_She put her hands on her hips. "Do you know how many times I've rescheduled that meeting, Mr. Stark?"_

_"__Seriously, Pepper," Tony said, ignoring all else that she said. "I could use your help with this."_

_She glanced at Rhodey out of the corner of her eye. All this time he'd thought that she didn't know he was there, but it seemed that she'd been ignoring him. Or maybe she'd been waiting for Tony to introduce them. "You want my help," she asked, raising her eyebrow. "More than his?"_

_"__You know this sort of thing better than Rhodey does. By the way, that guy over there is Rhodey."_

_"__I figured."_

_"__He's in the Air Force."_

_Rhodey huffed, not bothering to look up from his game. "I'm a Marine, dumbass."_

_Pepper shook her head before setting the stack of files aside and peering over Tony's shoulder. Rhodey watched as Tony mumbled for her to hold some part of the engine that he was working on and to set certain pieces aside. The _**real**_ trouble came when Tony began speaking loud enough for Rhodey to hear._

_"__Not like that, Pepper," he said. "Don't be gentle. Yank on it."_

_Rhodey perked up at that, hitting pause and setting the game aside._

_"__It won't come," Pepper said._

_"__It can't be that hard," Rhodey mumbled, trying not to laugh._

_Pepper glared at him. "Do _**you**_ want to give this a tug?"_

_He took a deep breath. He'd more or less promised to behave… "No thanks. I'm straight."_

_"__Whatever," she mumbled as she went back to her task._

_"__Okay, Pepper," Tony said impatiently. "That's not helping. Just hold still and I'll put that in."_

_"It won't fit."_

_"I'll make it fit."_

_"__That's the wrong hole!"_

_Rhodey was breathing erratically, trying _**so**_ hard not to laugh._

_"Is it in, Tony?"_

_"__Does it _**feel**_ like it's in?"_

_"Oh, God," Rhodey muttered, covering his mouth._

_"__Well, nothing will happen if you just stick it in and leave it. Wiggle it around or somethi – "_

_An indignant scream made Rhodey jump nearly a foot in the air. Pepper dropped the engine part and stepped back, glaring death at Tony as she attempted to rub away the oil that had splashed all over her. "What the hell?!" she screeched. "It's on my face, my hands are sticky… Some got in my __**eye**__!!"_

_"I'm sorry!" Tony cried, handing her a towel. "That's never happened before! Not like that!"_

_"__Bullshit! You knew it would spit at me if I held it like that!!"_

_Rhodey finally broke._ "That's what she said,"_ he cheered as he clapped excitedly. _"That's what she said! **That's what she said!! **_**THAT'S. WHAT. SHE. SAID!!!!!**__"_ _He slid from the couch to the ground, rolling back and forth and howling in laughter._

"_I hate you both," Pepper said in a deadpan voice as she stomped out of the workshop._

**

Rhodey snickered. "She didn't like me much after that, did she?"

Tony smirked. "Nope. Took her a whole month to warm up to you."

"Okay, so that one's out. What about the moment that I knew you and Pepper were made for each other."

Tony nodded slowly. "That could work, though it would depend on what that moment happened to be…"

**

_Pepper sat down next to Rhodey on the couch, her face devoid of emotion. From what he'd heard, Pepper had just had to reschedule seven different meetings because Tony had said that he was too hungover to go to any of them. Then he'd gotten a cup of espresso in him and he was ready to go, and she'd had to reschedule all the rescheduled meetings._

_Rhodey certainly didn't envy her job._

_"__You know," she said flatly, "sometimes when I'm working, I smell something foul and walk around for a few minutes trying to find out where it's coming from. It takes me a while before I realize that it's just the stench of my fast approaching mortality."_

_Rhodey looked at Pepper knowingly. "You _**love**_ this job."_

_"__I absolutely do not."_

_He smirked as he sat back. "If you didn't love this job then you would've quit a long time ago. I at least know you that well. You love this job."_

_"Hate it."_

_"Denial springs eternal."_

_"It's not denial," she said haughtily. "I'm just very selective about the reality I accept."_

_"__Listen to that! You're even starting to _**sound**_ like him."_

_Pepper smiled as she opened her laptop. "Fine, you win. As cumbersome as he may be, I do enjoy working for that clown. I'd live here if I could."_

_"You know I'd let you," Tony shouted from the other room._

_"__You wouldn't, because then you'd have to stop bringing random females home." Tony kept silent, as though he was truly considering the pros and cons of agreeing to that. "I'm not moving in," Pepper called back._

_"__Dammit," Tony hissed._

**

Tony raised an eyebrow skeptically. "_That's_ when you knew?!"

"You paused," he said, as if that explained everything. "She suggested that if she moved in then you'd have to stop bringing over women to your house. And you _paused_. You, Tony 'Let's Hop In Bed' Stark, do not pause when it comes to women. But you paused for her."

Tony opened his mouth as though to refute that statement, but closed his mouth and shrugged. "I paused," he agreed.

"You two are a match made in hell."

Tony clapped his hands and Rhodey smiled wide. "Alright then," Tony said with a nod. "Let's go with that story."

_Perfect,_ Rhodey thought. All that was left was the bachelor party, and he was sure that Tony would like _that_ surprise...

* * *

Inspired by Toothpaste for Dinner, a Jim Carrey comedy sketch, and Calvin and Hobbes, to name a few…


	30. Stag Party

**Stag Party

* * *

**

"Are you sure I won't be disappointed?" Tony asked for the umpteeth time. "I mean, I trust you and all, but I have changed a little since you and I used to party together back in the day."

Rhodey shook his head and rolled his eyes. "That's why I arranged to have your bachelor party at the park on a nice summer day. You know, so we can play chess really slow and argue over who has the most reliable pacemaker…"

Tony tapped his arc reactor and feigned indignation. "How _dare_ you!"

"Relax, Stark. I know that you only have eyes for Pep now, but that doesn't mean that you can't go a little wild tonight. It's tradition, dammit! And besides, it's tastefully wild."

Tony was about to say that there was no such thing as a tastefully wild bachelor party, but then Rhodey opened the screen door and they stepped out onto his porch. Tony shook his head in disbelief as he looked around. Rhodey had transformed his entire backyard into a veritable nightclub! The porch had at least four stripper poles, large speakers were strategically placed _everywhere_, and he'd hung flashing, colorful lights a few feet in the air, lighting up the night.

Rhodey pulled a remote out of his pocket and pushed one of the buttons. The lights stopped flashing as hard, the volume of the music turned down, and the guests who'd already been partying and mingling fell silent and looked up at the friends. Rhodey proudly threw an arm around Tony's shoulder. "This, my man," he began loudly, "is your funeral. The funeral of your life as a bachelor."

Tony smirked. "Where's my headstone," he asked sarcastically. Rhodey pulled him a few steps forward and turned him around. They both looked up and Tony laughed. Bright neon signs hung at least ten feet in the air. One read 'Death of Single Life' and the other read 'Tony Stark's Funeral'.

"Strange combination of morbid and festive," Tony commented.

Rhodey nodded. "I thought so too. Everyone! Tonight is a night to both morn and celebrate. We morn the loss of Tony 'Playboy of the Year' Stark, womanizer extraordinaire. But we celebrate that he is soon to gain his other half, the woman that's practically done everything short of tying his shoes for him for the past eight years. Let's hear it!" Everyone lifted their glasses and cheered excitedly, hooting and hollering at the top of their lungs.

"Okay, it's time to get this party started," Rhodey cheered. "First: Strippers, if you please…" It hadn't escaped Tony's attention that there were a fair amount of beautiful women in the crowd that he didn't recognize who wore only red silk robes. Everyone hooted and hollered as the women in the silk robes tossed them away, revealing black and pink lingerie.

Tony turned to his friend, holding out his fist. "Player," he chimed.

"Hold me down," Rhodey sang back as he bumped Tony's fist. He pulled a Zippo lighter out of his pocket and motioned to a long table with possibly two hundred – full – shot glasses. There was a long trail of them that lead to a pile of them all stacked together, with a large wine glass filled with probably two or three shots worth of vodka at the very top.

"And now, what we've _really_ been waiting for…" Rhodey lit the glasses on fire and the trail of fire lit up every single shot glass, including the wine glass at the very top of the shot glass tower. He handed the lit glass to Tony, who covered the top to put out the fire and then downed the contents.

Tony raised the glass. "To the funeral," he shouted.

"To the funeral," the guests echoed, rising their glasses as well.

Rhodey turned the music back up and the festivities picked up again. The strippers spread out and seemed to take up positions all around the yard. Some claimed the poles, others continued dancing, and still others layed themselves out on the long tables and seemed to be offering body shots.

Tony noticed that they kept their bras and panties on, which he was mildly thankful for. The only woman he was interested in seeing more of was Pepper. "But she isn't here right now," Tony muttered to himself as he grabbed another shot. "Hope she has as much fun as I'm about to have."

* * *

Inspired by an episode of House M.D.


	31. Doe Party

**Doe Party

* * *

**

"Would you hurry up?! You're such a girl!"

Pepper rounded the corner and scowled down at Kel. "I should hope so. Tony might be a little upset if I wasn't."

"Or impressed." She raised an eyebrow at Kel and he shrugged. "He honestly strikes me as that kind of guy."

At that, Pepper could only shrug too. "Fair enough. Is Stacy ready yet?"

"I've _been_ ready," she called from the living room of Pepper's nearly empty apartment. "I've been ready for so long that I started eating this Hawaiian bread and spinach dip that you left out. It's not that good."

"That's food for a princess," Pepper said haughtily as she checked her reflection one last time.

"Let's _go!_ We don't want it to start without us!"

Kel followed Pepper out of the bedroom and into the living room, waving his hands madly at his loudmouth wife. "Why would my bachelorette party start without me?" Pepper asked innocently.

"What she means," Kel said, glaring at Stacy, "is that everyone is already there and they might get impatient and try to start the party without us."

Stacy quickly nodded. "Yeah. But of course the _real_ party will start when we get there." She gave a nervous laugh and Kel shook his head. Pepper probably wasn't buying it, but it was too late to take her words back. She'd know less if they just stopped talking.

Kel loved Stacy to death, but she was _terrible_ at keeping secrets. She was also a control freak. A terrible combination for someone trying to plan a bachelorette party. But, even when he'd been forced to let her in on the plans, they hadn't been able to come up with a party plan that was quite as fun as Rhodey's plan for Tony's party. And then a thought had occurred to Kel:

Pepper and Tony were best friends; what was stopping them from partying _together_?

While not very common, a combined bachelor and bachelorette party wasn't unheard of. When Kel had pitched the idea to Rhodey, he was all for it, as he too realized that Tony and Pepper might – in the back of their minds – be missing someone if they had separate parties.

And besides, in all the years that Kel had known her, Pepper Potts had rarely followed the norm. She wouldn't care if they had a party together.

Stacy whipped out a blindfold and put it over Pepper's eyes. "_Whew!_ All this creeping around…"

Kel gave Stacy an endearing smile. "You only blindfolded her. She can still _hear_ you."

Stacy huffed. "I wish I knew why you thought I was an idiot, Kel," she snapped as they led Pepper out of the apartment and to the car.

The couple bickered back and forth for the entire car ride to Rhodey's house. Pepper inserted her two cents every once in a whole, but for the most part she stayed silent. She knew as well as Kel did that it was only playful banter. The banter between Kel and his wife tended to seem insulting to people who didn't know any better, but it worked for them because they were both smartasses.

Stacy looked back and forth as they approached a T in the road. Chewing on her bottom lip, she turned to Kel and asked, "Which way do I turn?"

"That sign right in front of you says 'one way', so I think you might want to go _that_ way."

Stacy glared at him. "Isn't Rho – the party in the other direction?"

Kel rolled is eyes. This was _exactly _why he'd wanted to drive in the first place. "It might be. I thought you knew where it was. That's why you insisted on driving."

"I _do_ know where it is."

"Then go there!"

"Which way do I turn?"

Kel lost his patience. "You see that over there? You're going to go to that Texaco station, take a right, go five and a half miles southeast… we're gonna see a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank. He'll take us to the whooper lair…"

"You know what? Shut the hell up. I'll find it! Just shut up!"

"That language is terrible. You really should watch your mouth."

"Watch it for me, bitch. You can get the fuck out and walk if you don't shut the hell up!"

"The love between the two of you is so apparent," Pepper said. "I'll bet you two get asked to _all_ the dinner parties in your neighborhood."

Kel snickered at that. Sometimes even he wondered how their kids had turned out okay...

"No one's talking to you, Pepper," Stacy snapped.

"I was talking to myself, so why don't you check that tone before you find a fist in your face."

All three friends chuckled together, but Pepper seemed relieved when they finally announced that they'd made it to the party, which was already in full swing. But when they snatched the blindfold off, she took in everything with wide and excited eyes. Thankfully, she almost seemed too excited to notice that they were in Rhodey's backyard.

Everyone greeted her with a loud, warm cheer, and Tony – who was dancing on the other side of the yard – seemed none the wiser. It was only a matter of time until they discovered that they were at the same party, and Kel knew that it would be more fun for them to discover it on their own.

Kel spun her towards the house and pointed to the neon signs that were hung up. One of them read 'Death of Single Life' and the other read 'Pepper Potts' Funeral'. As promised, Rhodey had dimmed Tony's sign until they discovered each other at the party.

Laughing delightedly, Pepper grabbed a few shots and got right into the party, dancing and having fun with the people that she knew. Strangely – or wonderfully, depending on who was asked – Pepper didn't seem to mind that there were only female strippers clad in their bras and panties. In fact, after a few shots, she seemed to be warming up to them the most.

Kel danced and had a good time with Stacy, all the while keeping an eye out on Pepper. She was having the time of her life, and he couldn't've been more happy for her. And when Pepper tugged Stacy away after a while, Kel followed them with a hundred watt grin. "Tony will _love_ this," he muttered as his wife and best friend sauntered over to one of the strippers offering body shots.

* * *

Still inspired by that same episode of House M.D. (for those that asked - season 5, episode 22) and there was a sprinkle of Dane Cook as well.


	32. Start The Party

**Start The Party

* * *

**

Rhodey and one of the strippers – Francesca was her name – were engaged in a fierce dance-off. Rhodey had the upper hand through most of 'U Can't Touch This' and 'Bombs Over Baghdad'. But as soon as some song called 'Take Your Shirt Off' had started, they both lost their minds and Francesca began taking the lead, doing complicated moves and steps like swagging, popping, locking, grinding, tutting and just about every other dance that Tony couldn't do to save his life (he'd learned to recognize those dance types from watching America's Best Dance Crew).

And, like a good friend, Tony cheered for the stripper instead of for his friend, shouting ridiculous things when it seemed that Rhodey had 'been served'. Francesca began kicking her feet up in complicated maneuver that Tony recognized as the Spongebob Dance. She waved her arms around, hit the steps hard, and got right in Rhodey's face when she was done. _"What?!"_ she shouted playfully.

"Yeah, what?!" Tony shouted, jumping into the circle and holding his arms out. "It's on like Donkey Kong!! Would you like some ice for that burn?!"

Both Francesca and Rhodey burst into hysterical laughter, draping themselves over each other for support. The circle around the two dancers settled some and a louder commotion could be heard from the other side of the yard. The deafening hoots and hollers caught Tony's interest, and he left the circle in search of the source of everyone's uproar.

Politely pushing through the numerous guests, Tony saw that there was another tight circle surrounding what everyone was so interested in. Rhodey right on his heels, they broke through and saw Stacy – Kel's slightly insane wife – doing body shots off of one of the strippers. Tony and Rhodey cheered her on, as did everyone else and even a few of the other strippers.

Serious shouts prompted the friends to look to their left. A stripper that Tony recognized as Cynthia was standing front and center, giving everyone a saucy smile. She held a lime wedge between her teeth, a shot of tequila was nestled between her ample breasts, and a trail of what could only be salt was dusted across her belly. Tony smirked at the sight.

But that smirk fell away when he saw the _real_ reason for the uproar. Wearing an outfit as simple as a black tank top and blue capris, Pepper stepped up to Cynthia with an equally saucy smile, giving the stripper a long look up and down.

Tony's heart stopped. He reached out and grabbed Rhodey's wrist with an iron grip. "Are you watching this," he whispered hoarsely, never taking his eyes off of his fiancé.

"I am _so_ watching this," Rhodey muttered back.

Pepper knelt down and her tongue darted out languidly, seemingly collecting _every last_ grain of salt on Cynthia's stomach. Pepper continued up, pausing to collect the shot glass that was nestled between the Cynthia's breasts and throwing her head back. The contents slid down her throat and the stripper took the shot glass out of her mouth, giggling as she leaned forward to offer the lime wedge. Pepper's tongue darted out again and she swiped the lime wedge out of Cynthia's mouth. Pepper bit down on it and made a face, but threw her arms up in triumph.

Jaws nearly on the ground, Tony and Rhodey both shouted and cheered the loudest, jumping up and down. She noticed the pair and gave Tony a strange look as she spit out the lime. "What are _you_ doing here, party crasher?"

With a smile bright enough to eclipse the sun, Tony strolled up to her. "I was about to ask you the same thing. Not that I'm disappointed. That display was _marvelous_!"

"Kel and Stacy brought me here. They said this was my bachelorette party."

Tony frowned thoughtfully. "Rhodey told me that this was my bachelor party. I even have my own sign…" He turned to the house, but instead of seeing his name, he saw Pepper's. He turned and glared at Rhodey. "Did you _drug_ me or something?!"

"Not this time," he shouted, throwing his arms around both Pepper and Tony. "This party is for both of you. You two are practically best friends, and we figured that you'd have the most fun partying together. This is what is known as a stag and doe party."

Tony considered for only half a second before he smiled down at Pepper. "That's actually not a bad idea. What do you say, Potts? You want to party together, or should we stay on opposite sides of the yard?"

She bit her lip as she considered, and then narrowed her eyes up at him. Grabbing his wrist, she tugged him over to one of the tables that a stripper was lounging on. Pepper shooed the stripper away and grabbed the half empty bottle of tequila that had been sitting next to her.

"This alcohol isn't going to drink itself," she said as she held it up with a smirk. She patted the table and winked at Tony. "You first, Iron Man. Take off your shirt."

His shirt already half of, Tony kissed her hotly before he lay flat on the table. "Yes _ma'am_!!"

* * *

All three parts were inspired by an episode of House M.D.


	33. A Stark Wedding

**A Stark Wedding

* * *

**

Pepper turned this way and that as she admired herself in the three sided mirror. She was trying not to be stressed about her wedding day. There were the usual stresses, naturally, but she thought she'd been doing pretty good so far. She'd even been excited! She was finally getting married! To _Tony Stark!_

But then Stacy Raker had arrived.

...

Pepper loved Kel as much as she loved his wife Stacy, but she had a habit of being overly neurotic and controlling. Whenever possible, she'd butted in on Pepper's wedding plans and tried to take over. Pepper had relented a few times to get Stacy off her back, but she didn't relish doing so.

Especially now.

From the silverware to the catering, Stacy had been raising hell since she'd arrived two hours ago. At the moment, she was arguing on her cell phone with some poor soul about the flowers. Pepper was trying not to let it bother her, but Stacy's nerves were starting to wear off on her. Coupled with the fact that Pepper could only take Stacy's madness in small doses, she was really starting to drive Pepper insane.

"No, they are _not_," Stacy screeched. "I ordered five hundred _magenta_ flowers! … Why would I order five hundred _fuchsia_ flowers for my friend's wedding?! You think she _wants_ to look like some kind of whore?!? This isn't for the love of Ray J, you ignorant bitch!!"

Pepper rolled her eyes as she patted at her hair. "If they were on the fence about helping you before, I'll bet they have a delivery truck on the way right now after that statement."

"Oh, shut the hell up, Pepper," she screamed like a rabid banshee. "Nobody is talking to you! This is an A and B conversation, so you need to C yourself out of it, capiche?"

Pepper shook her head and rounded on Stacy. She liked to think of herself as a relatively calm woman, but every now and then she had her moments. And she had a feeling that this moment was going to be at the top for a _long_ time. Her cycle began in a week, so she was PMSing. She was marrying Tony Stark, so she had the jitters. And her best friend's wife was in her room bitching and moaning about the color of the flowers?!

Pepper snatched the phone away from Stacy and tossed it out the window. She'd thought that the window was open, but she didn't blink when the glass shattered. She'd pay for it.

Stacy on the other hand, shrieked, "What the fuck?!"

Pepper folded her arms in front of her calmly. "Okay, I'd like you think of what little patience I have as – oh, I don't know – your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin – who just wanted to be friends… Well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of 'About Last Night' and a four-pack of Bartles & Jaymes and who _hoo_ _**hoo**_!! It was gone forever." Pepper gave Stacy a winning smile. "Much like my patience is now."

"But – "

Pepper's smile dropped and she took a step closer to Stacy. "I swear to God, I'll grow hooves, fangs, and a pitchfork and bite your head off!"

Stacy swallowed. "I'm going to go get my phone and pretend that that image won't be haunting my dreams for the next two weeks."

"Hurry back," Pepper crooned with a sugary sweet smile.

When Pepper was left in peace and quiet, she exhaled in relief and began examining herself again. Her hair was perfect, her dress was flawless… Tony would be weak at the knees when he saw her walking down the aisle. "Reflection perfection," she muttered to herself.

But a gentle knock on the door pulled Pepper out of her intense scrutiny, prompting her to glide across the floor and crack the door open. Making sure to keep herself out of sight, she viciously snapped, "I'll eat you!"

There was a long pause before she received an answer. "That could be fun."

Pepper blinked. "Tony?"

"The one and only."

"You're not supposed to see me before we get married!"

"And isn't it convenient that there's a door here to keep me from seeing you? I've never heard of it being unlucky for the groom to _talk_ to the bride before the wedding."

She heard him lean against the wall on the other side of the door and Pepper did the same. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"Anything," he said, as though exhausted. "I've been listening to Kel ramble on about marriage for the past three and a half hours."

Pepper frowned in confusion. "But he loves Stacy." _For some reason…_

"That's up for debate," Tony answered. "Let me share with you a snippet of his speech:

_"__After those first few months of marriage… bam! The shine's off the apple. And that's when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn't a pretty little girl at all. No, she's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the 'whoa-whoa, here she comes' kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink."_

Pepper snorted as she laughed. "Lovely."

"Isn't it? Of course, in his defense, he did tell me a cute little story about how he fell in love with her."

Pepper smiled. "I've heard that story."

"It got me wondering… how did _you_ fall in love with _me_?"

She blushed and poked her hand out the door, tapping the wall gently. Tony took it, squeezing lightly. "Okay, so I'd been working for you for a year and a half…"

**

_Pepper moaned as she turned over under her warm blankets, trying to block out the noise of her ringing phone. But the more she tried to ignore it, the more she woke up. Cursing colorfully, Pepper answered her phone as she glanced at the time. "It's three in the morning, Stark," she snapped groggily. "It's also Christmas. What the hell do you want? I don't know where your emergency stash of condoms are."_

_"__It's not *sniff* not that… I, um…"_

_He hiccuped on the other end and Pepper sat up, suddenly very awake. "Whoa, hold on… Are you _**crying?!**_ What's wrong, Tony?" She knew that it couldn't be a woman. Ever since she'd met him, Tony had been a 'hit it and quit it' kind of guy. That meant that, whatever was wrong, it had nothing to do with a woman he was chasing after._

_"__I can't f-find *squeak* my mother's ph-ph-photo album," he wailed. "I've l-looked everywh-where."_

_Pepper sighed heavily. Beneath the stuttering, she could hear his slurred speech. He was tanked. "Goddamn it," she muttered. "Tony, sit tight, okay? I'll be there in fifteen minutes." She hung up before he could protest and groggily got dressed and made her way to Tony's house._

_Half asleep, Pepper had to shake her head more than a few times to keep from drifting off behind the wheel. "I must be in love with this fool…"_

_She called Jarvis to open the front gates, and finally found Tony curled up on the couch in his living room, silent tears running down his cheeks. Pepper drifted past him and went down to his workshop, finding his mother's photo album in one of the many storage rooms that he refused to go in._

_She brought it up to him and set it on the coffee table as she pulled him upright. "Tony?" He sighed heavily and brought a half empty bottle of vodka to his lips._

_Her temper had been all over the place the entire week. Her family had been having big issues, and none of them were talking to her or to each other. Tony had been particularly uncooperative, not to mention the fact that he'd basically confirmed the rumors that he and Pepper were sleeping together…_

_And he'd also hurt his neck in a car crash after trying to drive home while he was drunk last week._

_Pepper snapped._

_Mid-swig, she snatched the bottle from him and violently flung it into the dark kitchen behind him with all her might. She knew she'd have to clean it up the next day, but something about the sound of the glass bottle shattering soothed her temper, if only a little. Tony stared at her strangely and she surprised them both by drawing back and slapping him _**hard**_ across the face._

_Tony shrieked in surprised and staggered, falling flat on his ass on the hard floor. _**"Really?!?"**

_"__Knock it off, Anthony Edward," she hissed. "This drinking has _**got**_ to stop. Do you think you're invincible? You think that, just because you have billions of dollars that your liver won't fail?! Or that you won't pick a fight with the wrong guy in a bar?! Or that a crash can't _**kill**_ you?!? I _**know**_ you're upset. I _**know**_ you miss your family. And I _**know**_ that they wouldn't want you to drink yourself to death to escape the pain. Please, Tony. I'm asking you as your friend - stop it!"_

_His bottom lip trembling, he looked up at her. "I saw someone that looked like her," he squeaked, probably referring to his mother. "Same hair, same eyes, same beautiful smile…" He trailed off, choking on a sob._

_Pepper leaned down to stroke his cheek, but he flinched back like a beaten animal. Feeling on the verge of tears herself, Pepper sat on the floor next to him and reached out to just hold his hand. "Tell me about her," she whispered gently._

**

Tony hummed thoughtfully. "I remember that night," he said quietly. "That's the night that I knew I'd never find another woman that would care about me like you did. If that's not a storybook romance, I don't know what is."

"It isn't exactly storybook when you factor in that proposal," Pepper muttered, trying to lighten the mood. The _last_ thing she needed was to start crying and ruin her makeup. "Every person I tell squeals like it's the most romantic thing they've ever heard, but I can't help wondering if you just looked it up online."

"It _was_ romantic, dammit! Certainly more romantic than my backup plan."

"Which was…?"

"I shove the ring at you and, very smooth and sexy-like, mutter, 'I was wondering if, maybe, you'd wanna, like, be my wife one day'."

Pepper chuckled. Admittedly, that wasn't quite as smooth as what he'd actually done. But before she could tell him that, their moment was cut short. _"PEPPER!!" _Stacy screeched. **_"_**_**YOU WHORE!!**__** YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIM!!!"**_

"You better leave, Tony," Pepper said, squeezing his hand.

"Before she decides to make me her next meal?"

"Or before _I_ decide to make _her_ my next meal." She squeezed his hand again. "Ready for the rest of our life, Mr. Stark?"

He squeezed back. "I'm not just ready… I look forward to it, _Mrs. Stark_."

* * *

Inspired by NatalieDee, Scrubs, and RDJ's real life proposal.

If it interests you, below is the url to Pepper's wedding dress. I was speechless when I saw it, so I didn't bother to describe it since I knew I couldn't do it justice.

http:// www . alfredangelo . com / Collections / ProductDisplay . aspx?productID = 471a2f3a-e58a-4faa-9ce6-7627b4b72971&categoryID = 32e5a88c-cbf1-498f-afcf-dbfca138c5d3&pg = 4&colorId1=

Remove the spaces and have a nice day :)


	34. Business As Usual

**Business As Usual

* * *

**

Pepper stood in the elevator, her arms crossed and her glare firmly fixed on the door. Tony stood next to her, a pitiful look on his face. She knew that he was doing it on purpose, and she wasn't having it!

How _could_ he?! On their _wedding_ _day!!!_

He sighed loudly and she pressed the button for their floor again.

"Pepper – "

"No."

He sighed again and she rounded on him. He jumped back a step. "How could you," she hissed.

Practically cowering, Tony tried to smile. "Which part?"

"Which part, he says," she grumbled angrily. "How about the part where you let Rhodey bring that stripper to our wedding? Or maybe the part where you let your _duck_ carry my _wedding ring_ down the aisle?!?"

The doors of the elevator opened, but it wasn't their floor. Two important looking men stepped in and nodded politely to Tony and Pepper. Ever the gentleman – and prankster – Tony held his hand out and shook each of their hands. "Bonjour. Mon nom est l'amiral Stark." (Good morning. My name is Admiral Stark.)

"God above, Tony…" Pepper massaged her temples. "You can't even act like a normal human being on our honeymoon."

"We're in France."

"All the more reason to assume that they won't understand your weird sense of humor."

"I don't see why you're so angry," he said calmly, turning back to her. Perhaps he was feeling more ballsy because he knew that Pepper wouldn't kill 'Admiral Stark' in front of witnesses. "I didn't _ask_ Rhodey to bring Francesca to our wedding. And I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate being called 'that stripper'. I, personally, think she was dressed very nice. Not at all trashy."

Pepper cracked her knuckles. "Would you mind telling me _why_ you know her name? Or why you were looking at her when you should've been looking at me."

"I glanced at her because Rhodey introduced us formally long before I was allowed to see you."

The doors opened again, but it still wasn't their floor. A woman stepped in this time, but Tony still shook her hand. "Tony Stark êtes-vous?" she asked with a smile. (Are you Tony Stark?)

Tony returned the smile. "Appelez-moi l'amiral." (Call me Admiral.)

She frowned in confusion and Tony turned to Pepper again. "Yes, the duck was my idea, but to balance that out, I got _Sting_ to sing at our wedding! And the first song he played happened to be your favorite song! Don't I at least get points for that?"

"Sting?" the woman asked with a thick accent. "The song you speak of - your favorite - it is 'Fields of Gold', oui?"

"Oui," Pepper said with a scowl. Fields of Gold was her favorite song. And Sting was her favorite singer. And Tony had nearly danced her into a stupor the day before, staring only at her with those honey brown eyes, making her feel like she was the only other person in existence in his world.

It had drowned her outrage about having that damn duck carry her ring, but she'd dreamt of it that night on the plane. It wasn't what she'd envisioned for her dream wedding.

But Tony had been _everything_ she'd envisioned. And Tony _knew_ it! He slowly reached over and grabbed her pinky with his. Giving her an adorable smile, he looked down, as though bashful. "You know I live for our love, Mrs. Stark," he cooed.

Pepper calmly turned to him and said, in a very detached tone, "I'm wearing your favorite lingerie, Iron Man."

Tony stared hard at her for a few seconds. "The… the ones that match your hair?" he asked, his voice slightly hoarse.

The elevator doors opened and _finally_ it was their floor. Giving him a quick wink, she strolled out of the elevator and towards their honeymoon suite with an extra sway in her hips. She swiped the keycard and found herself pressed against the back of the door as soon as she was inside. Pepper raised an eyebrow at him. "What makes you think you're getting any?"

Tony's smirk turned from adorable to devilish. "It's what we came here for." He leaned in for a kiss, but pouted when his lips met her cool cheek. _"Why?!"_

"If you want a kiss, you should earn it by working."

Tony nuzzled his nose in her neck. "Shaking you down seems to be work," he murmured.

Her eyes squeezed shut as she chuckled, and Tony caught her lips before she could move away. Her giggles subsided after a few more seconds of kissing him, and then he ripped open her shirt. Buttons flew in every direction, and when he caught sight of her custom fit bra he groaned loudly. She threw her head back and laughed hysterically, but when his lips met her throat her laughter died, and she forgot what she'd been mad about in the first place.

* * *

**THE END**

Yes, this is the end of 'Married to My Work', but not the end of Tony and Pepper. Obviously. To prove that, there WILL be an epilogue!

OKAY, so let me give thanks to the following people for making this story possible: YOU! Yes you, the person reading this. Whoever you are, you made it possible. If not for you, I would've gotten bored and given up around chapter three. So thank you!!


	35. Epilogue: Ten Years Later

**Epilogue: Ten Years Later**

* * *

Tony's mouth twisted in amusement as he stared down at his six year old, who was playing with his various toys. He'd only gotten home from school thirty minutes ago, and Tony knew how he loved procrastinating.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing your homework, Ethan?"

Ethan, who was a miniature Tony in every way imaginable, looked up at his father with a holier-than-thou expression. "I quit doing homework," he said matter-of-factly. "Homework is bad for my self-esteem."

Tony nodded. "Really…"

Ethan stopped what he was doing. "Sure. It sends the message that I don't know enough. All that emphasis on right answers makes me feel bad when I get them wrong. So instead of trying to learn, I'm just concentrating on liking myself as I am."

Tony shook his head as he made his way down to his workshop. He wasn't going to bother trying to deter Ethan. As far as he was concerned, the only schooling that mattered was Ethan's private schooling. Tony didn't much care for that public learning that Pepper had insisted on. In reality, it was probably just slowing the boy down.

"So, what you're saying," Tony clarified, "is that your self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus?"

Ethan rolled his eyes as he stood up and followed Tony down to his workshop. "Let's call it 'informationally impaired'. Can I come down to your workshop?"

Tony shrugged. "Sure. I think I can find something for you to work on."

"Bonus!"

Rummaging around, Tony finally decided to let Ethan give Jarvis its monthly update. It was tedious work, but the boy had memorized the codes months ago, and was even starting to add in his own personal touches. After forty-five minutes of work, Ethan finished and slapped the counter in self appreciation. "See, Dad? I shouldn't need accomplishments to feel good about myself. Self-esteem shouldn't be conditional."

Tony hummed thoughtfully. While that was somewhat true, he decided not to mention that finishing the updates on Jarvis _was_ an accomplishment. Of sorts... Jarvis was easy to get along with, and the computer seemed to like Ethan.

"That's why I've stopped doing homework," he continued as he began helping his father with soldering. "I don't need to learn things to like myself. I'm fine the way I am."

"So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?"

Ethan nodded, beaming up at Tony now that he'd caught on. "Right. We should take _pride_ in our mediocrity."

_"TONY!!!"_ Both boys started at the sound of Pepper's angry screech and turned to see her standing in the doorway. She didn't often listen in on what was happening in the workshop. She rarely went down to check on Tony and Ethan, as both were usually deeply absorbed in whatever they happened to be doing. But _of course_ she'd listen in on this occasion. "What on_ earth_ are you teaching my son?!?"

"We were just – "

"I was telling dad about how I'm not doing homework anymore," Ethan said proudly.

Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Yep. This morning Rhonda was reading the newspaper and she said my horoscope said that circumstances are in my favor if I assert my views in a confident manner, and many of my key policies will be implemented!"

"Nowhere in that statement did you specifically say that your homework is off limits," Pepper said sternly, pointing to the staircase that led upstairs. "Hop to it, young man. When you're older, you'll discover that there are few pleasures in this world greater than learning."

His nose high in the air, he declared, "Okay, so I'll learn when I'm _older_."

Pepper inhaled deeply and held it in for a moment before letting it out. "If you don't get cracking on those books _now_," she said as evenly as she could manage, "_this_ will be as old as you get!"

Huffing angrily, Ethan stomped dramatically up the stairs and out of sight. "Looks like he's learned something already," Tony muttered.

"It's not good to thwart the intentions of the universe," Ethan shouted from the top of the stairs.

Pepper slumped onto the couch in the workshop and kicked her shoes off. "Whenever I hear about people trying to rediscover the 'child within,' I want to scream!"

Tony snickered, but not too loudly. "He's not that bad."

"He _is_! He absolutely _is_ that bad, because he's _you_!"

"Trust me, I was _worse_ at his age."

Pepper moaned and threw her head back. "Heaven help us!"

"At least Rhonda is well behaved." Pepper glared at him. "For a nine year old," Tony amended. She raised her eyebrow at his statement. "It's not her fault that she has so much energy."

"You're right, but it _is_ your fault that she can run four hundred and fifty miles an hour. I read that thesis on mutant genetics being passed on from the father…"

"Admit it, she could have a much worse mutation than super speed."

"Give me _one_ example."

Tony dropped what he was doing and sauntered over to his wife, lightly settling his weight on her lap. "Well..." He twirled her hair between his fingers lovingly. "She could read minds…" He gave her a dirty look as he nipped lightly at her neck, prompting Pepper to gasp. "She could have super good hearing…" He rolled them over so that she was on top of him and he kissed her hotly as he began slowly unbuttoning her shirt. "She could be able to walk through walls. She could have X-Ray vision. But she doesn't have any of those powers, so you and I can do whatever... we... want."

"For however long we want," Pepper mumbled against his lips, impatiently ripping her shirt off. "Stop playing around. I had a rough day."

Tony grinned, stripping his own clothes off in record time. "It's about to get a little bit rougher."

"No more talking," she snapped.

Tony smirked.

They didn't talk for the next three hours.

* * *

**THE END**

For real, this time. :) You've all been AWESOME!


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